So today was the day. I filed a motion to get child support registered through the state, and at 9am I went in for the court appearance. Lets just say, I knew I shouldn’t waste my time, and I left in tears.
Being a single mother is by far one of the hardest things I have ever done. Dealing with Crohns, Domestic Abuse, Unemployment, and pretty much everything else that has come my way in the last few years… well… it was a breeze compared to this. I am solely in charge of another human being. I am raising a daughter on my own, giving her my all, working my ass off for her. I love this little girl with all of my heart, and I do everything I can to make her life perfect. It’s hard enough trying to decide punishments on my own. It’s heart-breaking to know she spends more time with her teachers than myself. It’s fucking hard as hell to be the only one here to comfort her, for all of life’s difficulties, including her own father walking out on her. I do my best by her, every single thing I do somehow relates back to her. She is my world. Raising a child is also expensive.
The way I had figured it, is when my ex-husband was still around, still part of her life, still here, I didn’t mind that he never paid child support. He was being a daddy, and that was good enough for me. The moment he stepped out of her life, the moment she first cried because she missed her Daddy I got bitter. You know, I could stand for being the sole financial support for my little family, but I can’t stand doing it all on my own. My daughter needed her Dad, and he walked out. So if he can’t muster up enough balls to be a Dad, he damn well should pay his (court-ordered) child support, and his (court-ordered) daycare expenses. If that fucker thinks that he can just walk out of her life, out of his other child’s life, then he damn well better pay what he owes. Being a single mom is hard, but it stretches my finances thin. Thank the lord I got child care assistance (for now… I’m right on the cusp) because daycare is $190/week. I don’t even want to tell you what Kindergarten is, I have to register for that this week. The least he could do is provide his share of her education, her healthcare, her clothing. Nope, it’s just me here. I’ll make it, just as I have been for 2 years now. It’s just frustrating.
So he left us. You know. He ran off to a new girlfriend, for another fresh start, for another family with out any kids he has to take care of. He’s living in Boulder Colorado. We emailed his new girlfriend, trying to get in contact with him, she blocked us. I do speak to his mother, whom loves my daughter with all of her heart, but besides admitting he’s a douche, knows nothing about him. He stopped calling her once she voiced her opinion on the matter. So finally. Almost a year after he left, I filed for child support.
My court date was disappointing to say the least. The judge told me that because I don’t know his place of employment (yeah right, like that fucker would work on the books) and his current address (hello, he blocked me and disconnected his phone) they can’t do anything. Nothing. At all. So I asked her. “So if I don’t know the information he’s hiding from me, I’m screwed.” The judge tells me that I need to talk to the State’s Attorney and Child Support Enforcement. I almost fell over. I’ve filled out the application (for both offices) 3 times.. I’ve called numerous times. The most I’ve gotten is a promise of a call back… once… from one office. I’ve been trying for MONTHS. She dismissed my motion, and I left in tears. Short of Ryan calming me down, and a lunch date with Kenzie, the bad mood would’ve continued.
I left and went to the Child Support Enforcement Office in person, filled out another application, they promised they get in touch (again) and I left.
I never expected to see any money. I just wanted it on the books that he doesn’t take care of not one, but two children. But because he took off and left Noodle in the dust, he gets away with it. He gets to abandon his child again, break her heart, and leave it up to one parent to take care of her. The courts wont help. I don’t expect to hear a call from the office. I am ready to give up.
I hope, I fucking hope, when he’s laying in bed at night, snuggled in to a house his new girlfriend pays for, he thinks of the two children he’s left behind. Noodle’s emotional wounds will eventually heal, and I say good riddance, but I hope he feels pain for the rest of his life.