Welp, it’s about 4:15pm right now. I’m laying in my hospital bed, forcing myself to stay awake. I’ve been sleeping on and off since I got here at about 2am, thanks to some heavy duty painkillers. I’m about due for another dose, but am putting it off so I can be somewhat coherent for a little bit.
So with my Crohn’s Disease, I’ve been blessed with what’s called a fistula. Basically what it is, is an unnatural tunnel formed from one organ to another or from one organ to the skin. Mine is from my small intestine to my bladder, and I’ve had it almost as long as I’ve been diagnosed. It had been nearly symptom free for a year, just twinges on and off of pain but that’s about it. Remicade Infusions seemed to have put it into check. Until a few days ago that is.
Randomly, it started up again. Not just a little twinge of pain either, full blown. We’re talking fecal matter in my urine, sharp stabbing pains, frequent urination ( UTI ), and general aches. It really caught me off gaurd and quite frankly it was very painful. On the third day of it ( yesterday ) it was ridiculous. I was running to the bathroom 4-6 times an hour, just to pee, and was bloating like there is no tomorrow. I realized I might have a problem when I was still at work during the afternoon. My stomach was protruding like I was 4 months pregnant, I asked a co-worker if I looked pregnant and she assured me I didn’t, so I went about my day,
After I got home from work, I was just generally achy from being so bloated. I ate a super light dinner because I had a feeling I wasn’t going to be keeping my food and headed to bed early. At just about midnight I woke up to a sharp wave of pain. It woke me out of a dead sleep and before I knew it I was curled up in fetal position crying. As I was trying to breathe through the pain my mind was going into panic mode. I knew this pain. I had to get to the hospital. Once the nausea hit and I realized I couldn’t walk with the pain, we left the house.
So here I am. I have another small bowel obstruction, right near the fistula, in exactly the same place as last times. I lasted 13 months with out being hospitalized but I guess it was just not meant to be. This time though my boss didn’t have to drive me here, and no one had to break into my car either (long story, I love my co-workers). Last time, the obstruction itself was very similar. They kept me hear for a week and gave me iv steroids, the obstruction itself was actually just swelling and it was brought down. I ended up staying on steroids way too long, but it was a good alternative to surgery.
This one though is putting me in a different situation. Since it’s in the same place as last time, staff here seem to think that it’s possible scarring, that regardless, the intestine/fistula is not going to get better on it’s own. Both the douche-wad surgeon and my gi specialist both recommend I have a resection. Where they basically remove the diseased intestine and during that operation, they’ll repair my fistula and bladder. They are super gung-ho about it, like sending students in here every 8 hours to ask me if I’ve “put anymore thought into it”.
You know what? No, I haven’t really. All I know is that I have the same reasons I’ve had since I was diagnosed. I’m sure I need surgery, I’m sure it’ll help me in the long run, but good lord it screws me in the short. If have surgery, I only have a 3-4 day hospital stay, but am not allowed to work for 2-3 weeks after. Uhm, hey rich doctors! Single mom right here, are YOU going to pay my mortgage? I don’t know. Finances play a lot into it, granted I have Ryan’s income right now, but still. I don’t know. I’m really in between. I know it might put me into remission for a long time, we already know Remicade works for me, and the GI thinks that with that diseased section removed, it could work for even longer. However, I also know that surgery is not a cure for Crohns. There is a good chance the disease will come back, just in a different location. I don’t know.
I’m not thinking too clear, maybe it’s the pain, or maybe the residue of the drugs. I don’t know what to do. I just want to nap.