Missing in Action: One GI Joe – One Uncomfortable Surgeon

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Everyone knows I’m a horrible patient.  I’ve chased away more GI doctors, surgeons and doctor’s assistants than I can count.  My step-ma says it’s typical for a Crohns patient, that most doctors know we all almost have a personality disorder, but alas.  I just dislike doctors and hospitals.

It’s a damn shame that I have to spend so much time in them.

After the last bowel obstruction, my GI finally managed to convince me to have surgery.  It only took 5 years and 2 obstructions, I should give him an award.  Unfortunately for the rest of the hospital and to the delight of my step ma (a doctor there) I chased away the surgeon that was assigned to me while I was admitted.  Then signed out AMA.  Like usual.

However, I did finally go in for my surgical consult.  Step-ma found me a surgeon that according to her and my GI (the only doctor I haven’t chased away.. not for lack of trying) that I will “mesh with”… ie: not destroy.  He seems alright, however it made my day when I managed to make him uncomfortable.  After he described the surgery I said “You know um, hey.  I kinda lost this gi joe figurine like 3 years ago… when you’re like all… in my intestines and what not… and if you find him… please bring him back.  I miss him.”  It was like I kicked his puppy.  Or first born child.  Either way after a good 20 second blank stare and a blush, he laughed.  Which means he’s okay in my book.  So far.

So here’s the deal.  Crohns has destroyed at least a 2 ft section of my small intestine.  For some reason, even though the disease has jumped around quite a bit over the years, it’s always hit this section the worst.  Said section developed a fistula that attached itself to my bladder.  So what I need done is a resection, I’ll lose those two feet and possibly a small portion of my colon, and they’ll remove the fistula and repair my bladder.  Yeah.  I’m 26 years old and I’m having bladder reconstructive surgery.  Oh joy.

Since I no longer have an obstruction, just swelling, it becomes an elective surgery.  The surgeon wants it before the year ends, and I want it before the holidays.  Nothing like major surgery before Christmas.  So I’m aiming for the beginning of December.  I’ll be out of work for at least a week, most likely two, but after that, with any lucky, my Crohns will be in remission for a long time.  Complete remission.  Something I haven’t even had thanks to this damned fistula.

Am I happy about surgery?  Hell no!  It’s something I’ve literally been avoiding for 5 years.  It took major convincing to get me to go on Remicade, even Humira.  Whenever surgery was brought up I just walked out of the office/checked myself out of the hospital.  However, after 5 years of this, I’m tired.  I’m tired of the constant pain, the stomach issues, the 3 year long UTI.  I’m tired of hospitalizations every other month and steroids.  I’m tired of being sick.  Surgery gives me the chance to be healthy, at least for a little while.  So even though I’m terrified, I’m going to hop in the saddle and go for it.

You fuckers better come visit me in the hospital.

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