If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, surgically remove it.

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Crohn’s is a dirty, dirty, low-blow throwing bitch.  Even worse, my mind is my own worst enemy sometimes when it comes to my treatment.  I have such a hard time accepting the different stages of treatment.  Hell, just page back through the entries, you’ll see the mental dilemmas I went through when I was considering going onto Humira.  (Like that even worked, totally lame!)

Now look at me!  I’ve been getting infusions of Remicade since last year, been on (and took myself off of) 6MP, and am still living on Prednisone.  Add in dozens of antibiotics, muscle relaxers, corticosteroids, and assorted other crap, and I’m pretty sure if my genes didn’t dictate that I am to have cancer, ONE of these meds will have caused it.

Next up on the Crohns To Do List?  Surgery.  I’ve narrowed down S-Day to the first week of December, if my surgeon’s schedule allows (I’ll find out tomorrow, unless my subconscious sabotages me again).   Like I said, I’m still on Prednisone, I’m on my last week of tiering off.  So only a couple of weeks of hell left.  My current mental problem?  Now that I’m starting to feel normal again (starting being the keyword, minus the steroid side effects of course) it’s harder and harder to accept that I need surgery.  When my days are damn near normal, it’s hard to think that I’ll be going under the knife in about a month.

Now now, I realize that I have to be remotely healthy to have surgery, (since it’s not an emergency situation and to get the best possible chance at a quick recovery) but damn, the better I feel, the harder it is to convince myself I need to have part of my intestines removed.  I’ve been putting off surgery for a long time now, feeling somewhat human makes that easier.

On the flipside of that note, I also realize that this fistula isn’t going to heal on it’s own.  Obviously.  I am coming to terms with the fact that I NEED surgery.  That I need to get this taken care of, and once I do that, I’ll actually have a true chance at remission.  I know that if I put this off, eventually I’ll end up with an obstruction that puts me in the hospital for a much more complicated surgery.

 

So time to buck up and deal.

 

And take my stupid pills.

 

Stupid Prednisone.

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2 thoughts on “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, surgically remove it.

  1. binkythebomb

    Okay, first up: if you don’t have the surgery you will likely spend Christmas ans new years in AGONY! You will cause yourself no end of misery and, sadly, you will likely spread that misery to all those near you who love and care for you.

    If you let the infection zone stay it will fester and rot, spreading to nearby tissues in other sections of gut and maybe the area’s around other organs. I know, it happened to me with my Crohns. I appreciate this is a difficult time and that you would rather pretend its not that bad, but harsh reality will come back and bite you in the backside if you ignore this.

    Sorry for this lass, but this can kill you and it wont be fast. A few weeks recovry is a small price to pay for a lifetime being there for your daughter. Take a deep breath, and get it done.

  2. I definitely understand that feeling. I just had surgery to remove my colon in May. Prior to that, I had such a difficult time coming to terms with having the surgery because I have had Crohn’s for the past 13 years and have learned just to deal with it. The realization of how much I needed it came when I was taken off all of my medication for a couple of months. Things went drastically downhill and I realized that I was in very bad shape. Now, just 5 months later, I see that I previously couldn’t even remember what “feeling good” felt like. I also am medication free and enjoying not having to worry about any side-effects from that.

    You are fortunate to have the time to make the decision for yourself. That made all of the difference to me, because I knew that it was the right decision without it being forced on me. Good luck with your decision. Whatever it is, just make sure it is YOUR decision. You’ll be glad you did.

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