Crohn’s is a dirty, dirty, low-blow throwing bitch. Even worse, my mind is my own worst enemy sometimes when it comes to my treatment. I have such a hard time accepting the different stages of treatment. Hell, just page back through the entries, you’ll see the mental dilemmas I went through when I was considering going onto Humira. (Like that even worked, totally lame!)
Now look at me! I’ve been getting infusions of Remicade since last year, been on (and took myself off of) 6MP, and am still living on Prednisone. Add in dozens of antibiotics, muscle relaxers, corticosteroids, and assorted other crap, and I’m pretty sure if my genes didn’t dictate that I am to have cancer, ONE of these meds will have caused it.
Next up on the Crohns To Do List? Surgery. I’ve narrowed down S-Day to the first week of December, if my surgeon’s schedule allows (I’ll find out tomorrow, unless my subconscious sabotages me again). Like I said, I’m still on Prednisone, I’m on my last week of tiering off. So only a couple of weeks of hell left. My current mental problem? Now that I’m starting to feel normal again (starting being the keyword, minus the steroid side effects of course) it’s harder and harder to accept that I need surgery. When my days are damn near normal, it’s hard to think that I’ll be going under the knife in about a month.
Now now, I realize that I have to be remotely healthy to have surgery, (since it’s not an emergency situation and to get the best possible chance at a quick recovery) but damn, the better I feel, the harder it is to convince myself I need to have part of my intestines removed. I’ve been putting off surgery for a long time now, feeling somewhat human makes that easier.
On the flipside of that note, I also realize that this fistula isn’t going to heal on it’s own. Obviously. I am coming to terms with the fact that I NEED surgery. That I need to get this taken care of, and once I do that, I’ll actually have a true chance at remission. I know that if I put this off, eventually I’ll end up with an obstruction that puts me in the hospital for a much more complicated surgery.
So time to buck up and deal.
And take my stupid pills.