It’s New Year’s Eve. Again. You know, I think I’m starting to get old, I didn’t even realize it was New Year’s Eve until I hopped on the Book of Face this morning. Crap. How the fuck is it already almost 2013? I just now started writing “2012” the first time on my paperwork at the office. Damn it all to hell, now it’s time to start over.
This year has just flown by, maybe it’s because I AM getting older, maybe it’s just because I’ve been busier this year than years past. I don’t know, but it seems like just yesterday the leaves changed color, last week, we had the AC on. I blinked and Christmas is over. I remember being a kid, and the entire year seemed to crawl by. Crap. Maybe I am getting old.
So every year, at year’s end, we all tend to think about what we’re grateful for. We think about what we could do better in the next year and make all of those stupid resolutions. I’m no different, this year has taught me how strong I really am. I’ve gone through some tough shit this year and grew because of it, I closed one chapter of my life and started on a brand new (scary as shit) one. My co-worker said it best, since I started last year, I’ve done a 180 and you know what? I like it.
When I started making changes in my life, I thought it’d be grueling, that I’d hate it. I dreaded ever single step I took, but I found out that each step I took made me stronger. I like how things are ending up, life needs a lot of work yet, but I’m headed in the right direction. This next year? I hope it’s more of the same steps.
So resolutions. I should make some. I usually never do but hey, what the hell.
1. Learn how to balance being a Mom with being every-fucking-thing else. In 2012, I focused on fixing my “mom-skills” and being a better mom. It’s been awesome, and Noodle and I have grown ever so close. When you’re a “Single-Mom” or when the father’s out of the picture (even if he is is calling again – long story), every decision you make revolves around your kids. Hell. Normal moms often are guilty of “Well, I really want a latte, but I’m sure that $2.94 can be used for something else, (insert random kid’s name here) really wants (insert random kid item here).” In 2013, I need to learn how to keep working on my relationship with my daughter, helping her thrive, but I also need to learn to take care of myself. Balance, I do not have it. Haha, so I’m going to focus on balance.
2. Trust. In this next year, I want to learn how to trust people again. 2012 had me working on forgiveness. I spent all year trying to let go of grudges, and accept some of the blame for my problems. I forgave people that royally fucked me over, and people that walked out of my life. I stood up and took the blame where it was due. I forgave others and I forgave myself. Now I need to work on my trust so I can work on relationships with people who are close to me. I’ve already started that and grown closer with my parents, but now, I need to learn how to open my heart to my friends. So trust it is.
3. Enjoy the Small Things. So on this Let’s-Change-My-Whole-Life trip I went on this year, I became pre-occupied with my To-Do list. Which is no different than any other year. I’d accomplish one thing (whether mental, relationship-wise, work, or house) and immediately focus on how much more I had to do to accomplish the next obstacle. I spent a lot of this year worrying. I want to spend more of next year enjoying the small things I took for granted last year. Iced coffee by my garden, quiet moments to journal, nights out to dance. You name it. I’m starting early. This morning I got up and started getting overwhelmed by my to-do list. After Ryan went to work, instead of instantly getting moving, I sat down at my desk and enjoyed my coffee. Now writing. The laundry waiting to be folded can wait a little bit. Mornings with just me and Noodle are only once a week, and she’s occupied with that horrendous furby thing so I have time alone. (Btw, I didn’t think furbys could get any more creepy… I was wrong, 10 years later and they now practically give me nightmares.) So. Yeah. I will enjoy the small things.
So it’s about to be a new year, 2013. I’m excited. I just know though, that I’ll blink and it’ll be New Years Eve again. So here’s to my best effort. I hope everyone has a safe new years. I’m staying in tonight, so those out there, if you drink please don’t drive, be safe, and I’ll see everyone next year. Happy Holidays.