Please excuse the rambling, it’s been a long day.
There’s some days where I get a little bit down about having Crohns Disease. It drags on my head, sticks in the back of my mind. I don’t even have to be feeling all that sick. Sometimes all it takes is a little reminder, like visiting my GI doctor for a check up, or scheduling a Remicade appointment. Of course there are the days where I feel sub-par, and the days where I flat out feel like road kill… and ironically, those days I don’t get down at all. I spend those days focused on making it through, it’s not until I feel better that I get down about spending that time sick.
It’s difficult sometimes to think that this is a disease that I’ll have for the rest of my life, it’s even more difficult knowing that I could be in remission for years, and it could spring back up. Just that alone makes me a tad depressed. However, those days that I feel 100%, which thankfully are more and more now, I feel like I can continue to take on the world. It takes the good days to remember that I will and have gotten through it. Crohn’s Disease will not get me down.
What really kicks me in the ass is when I have a down right horrible Crohn’s day, or if I’m just particularly down, is coming home. I’ll be driving home from work/school/the moon and be in near tears. Yet, when I get home, open the door and shoo away the dogs, I feel better. Now, once I get home I realize how lucky I am. I am proud of what I’ve done for myself and for Noodle, and now that my house is more like my home it’s an example of it. My home is an example of what I’ve been through and what I’ve overcome. So I may not be over the moon happy, but knowing how far I’ve come despite having a chronic illness, it shakes more reality into my busy head.
So I may have Crohn’s Disease, but that’s part of who I am, and part of what’s made me strong.