Having a hidden illness…. it sucks man. No one can see it and a lot of us suffer in silence. The chronic part takes it to an extreme level. In 5 more months, I will be going on my 7th year with Crohns Disease. 7 years is a long time, pretty much a couple of months after my diagnosis I felt like I shouldn’t be complaining anymore. After I started treatment, I started gaining weight and no longer looked the “sick” part. 7 years is a long time to feel sick, long time to complain, so I just shut up. It becomes tiring to explain over and over again that even though you can’t see what’s wrong, that I do in fact have a horrible disease. The really shitty part? (Pun intended) This stupid disease will be with me for the rest of my years.
It is hard to voice pain with all of that. The “you look fine” and the “oh its just a stomach ache” really beats you down after a while. You just… keep quiet.
I’m really down as of the past few days. A good portion of that is due to my disease. It’s almost Remicade time, and my symptoms are pretty bad. On top of pain that makes it hard to walk, my joint pain has spread from my knees and hips to my shoulders. The fatigue is extreme this time around and eating is again my enemy. I know that (knock on wood) I will improve a bit after infusion, but it is getting old.
What can I do? Call off work? I’m most definitely sick enough, but if I called off every time I wanted to cry due to pain…. I’d be unemployed. Do I mope? I try really hard not too. Everyone tells me I’m a strong person, and besides, this is my life now. Do I complain? 7 years is a long time, people get tired of listening to something they can’t understand.
It’s just difficult sometimes is all.. I am frustrated and depressed. I’m just tired.