So during my stay in a hospital bed last night ( went to a clinic because I had chest pain, and apparently because I take birth control and am on other crap they thought I might have blood clots instead of a chest cold ) I didn’t have much else to do but think. Well, think and practice flinging random medical supplies across the room, but that’s besides the point.
Things have been really hectic lately, not just at home with the kids and appointments, but at work. If it wasn’t for 6 hours getting poked and prodded last night, I would have broken 60 hours a week again with working from home on top of my office time. I sat there and actually thought about what I’ve done this summer and more importantly if I’ve enjoyed myself. Sadly enough, I couldn’t think of a whole lot.
I think one of the problems my generation has is what I want to call the “Have It All” syndrome. We judge our lives ( and let others judge our lives ) by how busy we make ourselves, by how much we accomplish with our waking hours. Hell, I know I’m proud of myself when I tackle my atrocious work load and still manage to finish some household project I started. Life isn’t complete until we accomplish every little goal and blow past every little standard society has set for us…. but the question is: Does it make you happy? Are you happy?
So what I realized last night, at 1am, during a cat scan is pretty simple. For all I’m doing, for all I tackle each day, I’m not happy. Not as happy as I could be. I’m working so much out of pure don’t-have-a-choice, I’m checking off my plans and obligations, not because it makes me happy, but because I feel it’s expected out of me. I’m not saying that I’m going to all of a sudden slack off, but more along the lines of that I need to remember to do things for ME. I have to remember to do things that being happiness, set aside time for myself and my family.
I don’t know, guess I just wanted to share my little revelation. Maybe if I put it in writing, it’ll make it into my head more. Whatever. For now I’m off to read a book and relax. Good night!