Random Ramblings Again

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It’s been so busy here, it’s unbelievable.  Here it is, already the middle of June and I am still feeling like it’s the beginning of spring.  Of course before I even register that it’s pretty much summer, school will be starting and summer will be over.

I went back to work about 3 weeks after getting out of the hospital.  Those 3 weeks at home weren’t exactly bliss.  What I was hoping for was 3 comfortable weeks to get back on my feet and spend some time with my kiddo.  What was it really?  It was filled with both my daughter and I getting a cold (which we both still have coughs from) and what I shall term the never ending headache.  (I’ll get to the headache later)

Honestly?  Those weeks I learned how inpatient I really am.  I do not like the whole “time to heal” bullshit, it’s basically admitting that I need help and downtime.  While being at home itself didn’t bother me, I didn’t like that my body couldn’t keep up with what I wanted to do around my house.  It was damn hard to sit there and know that chores needed to be done, but I could only do one thing before I wore myself out.

It was nice on one front though, I was able to take my time getting the short one ready for school in the mornings.  Eating breakfast was leisurely and filled with chatter.  I was able to get her home right after school, so afternoons were spent outside or hanging out together indoors.  I’ve only been back at work for just under a month, and I already desperately miss that extra time.

Noodle is perfectly content with going back to full-time daycare now.  Her daycare morphs into a summer camp every year (and is still cheaper than most daycares around here).  They go to the beach and water park on alternating weeks, and take field trips to go mini-golfing and to different parks around the area.  She’s already been to the beach once, to a joint with bowling and one of the many bouncy-house-filled-trampoline-places that have become ever so popular.  Summer camp is always so fun for her, while I feel guilty for missing out on time with her because I’m at work, she’s off having a blast!

Like I said though, I’m back to work.  It hasn’t been as easy as I thought it would.  It’s still taking some time for my brain to catch up on my tasks (which involve dimensions and math at the moment), but I’m getting there.  I never really got off of my sleep schedule, so that wasn’t/isn’t a huge issue.  The toughest part has been dealing with my apparently numerous health issues while trying to act like nothing is wrong at work.

I had an issue for a couple of weeks with one of my incisions, it kept opening up and was infected for a short bit.  Trying to take care of that, while wearing pants (it was right where the waist band sits) and talking to coworkers and customers wasn’t exactly my idea of fun.  That and the headache… or headaches… or whatever (again, I’ll get to that), it’s damn near impossible some days.

I feel bad because I know I’ve been snippy towards my coworkers, and I’ve made it a point to apologize and try to keep them in the loop with everything.  It’s still not their fault, but sometimes the pain and fatigue is a little much, and they’re in the wrong place.  They are basically like an extended part of my family at this point, so hopefully they take my apologies to heart and understand how rough it’s been.

So.. the headaches.  In a previous post I mentioned the first headache I got in the hospital.  The one that couldn’t be eased even with morphine, dilaudid, and ativan.  The one that made me think I was going to die?  Well.. apparently that’s part of my life for now.

Shortly after I got out of the hospital, I coughed (remember I got sick?) and BAM! my head exploded.  I dropped to my knees just holding my head.  4 hours later and I could function a bit like a human being.. but it left me with a low-to-mid grade headache that never went away.  So following the floor doctor’s instructions, I made an appointment with a Neurologist.  So for the better part of a month, if not more, I’ve had a headache every day.  Some days are worse, some days are tolerable.  Some days I am relatively normal?  Some days I just cry.

I went in to see my new doctor on Monday.  Very, very nice lady, who asked me a bajillion and one questions and preformed a neurological exam.  She’s not entirely convinced that the headaches are migraines for a few reasons, the biggest being that when I have a headache, light and sound don’t hurt me.  Just motion.  She’s trying to figure out what kind of headaches they could be.

However, since the first one I ever had was in the hospital after major surgery, she wants to rule out a blood clot or something along those lines.  I had a MRI while I was in the hospital, which was clear for massive clots and tumors, but she wants me to have an MRV and MRA, which are similar but look at the arteries and veins in your brain.  That appointment is on Monday.  In the meantime, I’m on a headache preventative and I have some pain pills as back up.  I know I have to give the medicine time, but seeing as how I had vision changes which bloomed into a huge headache (luckily it popped in my mind that the vision changes I was having might be what’s called an aura… and took a pain pill before the headache hit… so I took the edge off) yesterday, that hasn’t left yet (although it’s a bit better this afternoon), I’m nervous.

To be completely honest, I am just scared that I’m going to end up with another chronic condition.  What if I end up having these headaches long term on top of my Crohn’s Disease?  I know that I’ll buckle down and make it through, just like I always have, but it’s terrifying to me to have to face something else.  I went into surgery with high hopes of an improved quality of life, come out and end up with headaches… and now what seems like Crohns symptoms.

Yeah, I have symptoms that remind me a bit of when I first got sick.  Odd stomach pains, running to the bathroom, etc.  I hoping it’s really just an oddity, a side effect of surgery.. maybe it’ll go away soon?  I’m giving it a little time to see, but then I’ll be calling my GI.  I really, truly hope that this isn’t the disease coming back already.

The whole headache/Crohns debacle just really gets to me.  Like I said, I let my hopes get really high for this surgery.  I’ve been sick (with good days at some points) for 8 years now, I allowed myself to hope that I’d get a break after surgery.  Coming out of the whole ordeal with a whole new health problem is… well.. it’s hard.

Honestly this is where I’m thankful for the people around me.  For Ry, who’s literally been by my side through all of this, from all the hospital visits to surgery, and now with head/neck massages when I want to crack my own skull in two.  I’m thankful for my daughter, who understands that sometimes mommy has to take it slow, and through living with me, has learned a compassion that most kids her age don’t get.  Sometimes her hugs and kisses (and HUGE art projects… excuse me, weather machine.. ahem) are just what I need to keep trucking.  Hell, I’m thankful for my coworkers who visited me at the hospital, and have been making sure I take care of myself at work.  All the way to my neighbors who have helped out all they can.

I did manage to feel pretty good for Noodle’s birthday WEEK though, so that’s a major bonus!  Yes, I said week.  The kid lucked out this year due to everyone’s schedules kind of colliding.  She got one Saturday at Grandma and Grandpas, her birthday at home, and a party with the neighbors the next Saturday.  I think my kid is actually sick of cake at this point.  She got a lot of great gifts too, I’m super glad she had fun, because she deserves it!

Which reminds me!  I got her last report card, and my kid got good marks in everything (except for handwriting… it’s messy).  She tested well in math and is super ahead in reading (that’s my gal!!).  I am definitely proud of my little monkey and how far she came these past two years.  We went from her not wanting to read, claiming she couldn’t, and flat out refusing to read out loud, to reading everything I give her, quickly too.  Definitely a proud mama here.

I think that’s enough for tonight though, I had a bunch of thoughts bouncing around in my head.. as you can see my writing is just all over the place.  However, if you  haven’t noticed, I’m not much one for proofreading, and sometimes I just have to get it out.

I’m off to bed.  Goodnight!

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