Fear and Loathing – IBD/IST and New Friends/Relationships

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Hi. My name is Sarah. I like animals, crafts, and the outdoors. I like to read and write, and oh yeah! Before I forget! I also have a couple random chronic conditions that unfortunately occasionally put my butt in the hospital, and require paramedics. Don’t worry about that though! You can save up all of your bitterness for years down the road and throw it in my face when we argue! It’s all good.

Yeah, I’m not very good at meeting new people. Friends, Lovers, or otherwise. I’ve had the same group of friends (most of whom I consider my family) throughout the majority of my illnesses. It took me a long time to cultivate those friendships from hospital beds, and ambulance bays. I learned who my real friends were, and I also learned that my being ill, can destroy relationships quicker than a bullet to the gut.

I’ve learned that even the most caring people can’t take loving a friend with a chronic illness. Romantic relationships seem to take the hardest hit. Eventually there is just this large amount of bitterness, resentment almost, because I intentionally or unintentionally change plans and lifestyles. Over the last decade, I’ve watched relationships crumble, friends fade away, and family get frustrated. It’s not for everyone, and it takes an extremely strong person to stand by someone with a chronic disease.

Naturally, after all this time, I’ve become almost.. paranoid about telling people about my illnesses. I try to take care of it right up front, just to get it out of the way. That way some people just back out right then. Either way, it’s out in the open. However, if I’m actually sick, like most other people with chronic illnesses, I tend to hide it. I walk through the pain, I make excuses for when I cancel plans, I pay extra care to my make up and clothes. We are experts at hiding what’s going on inside of ourselves.

Of course, I meet someone when I’m sick. I meet someone when I’m headed down a rough road. So of course, I try to hide it, “I’m fine” and “I’m okay, I’m sure”. However, sometimes you just can’t hide it, no matter how hard you try. The truth is right out there, in their face. Right out in the open, obvious. You. Are. Sick.

Well, here I go, I guess it’s just another risk I have to.. no, want to take. I just have to learn to be honest, and up front. Hiding it from someone I care about isn’t fair, they won’t know what’s real, and what’s fake.

So, hello. My name is Sarah. I have a chronic illness called Crohns Disease, as well as Inappropriate Sinus Tachycardia. My life isn’t simple, but it’s one hell of a ride, welcome to it!

 

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