Whenever people meet my current boyfriend, Jon, all I hear afterwards is how good of a guy he is, and how I really dodged a bullet with the end of my last relationship. I always kind of just nod and agree. Jon is a great guy, I love him to death (and I’ll gratefully buy his tombstone after I annoy him into an early grave), so in par with separating myself with the past, I just agree.
The sometimes a blast from the past just hammers what you already know home.
Yup. I got that right after I had gotten out of the shower, after a long day’s work. That’s my ex boyfriend Ryan’s sister, Jessica. This message was followed up by:
News Flash Jessica! What he did is no longer just his business, it’s everyone’s business, that’s what happens when you diddle kids.
I guess I must’ve forgotten the whole 4.5 years we were together though. I seem to remember him being unemployed or working for $6 an hour for the first 4 years until he got a union job. I also remember working 70 hours/week in management the first 2.5 years, then back to 40/week for the rest (I still work at the same job as I have when I met him). The hospital thing.. well.. Go Crohns! Maybe she thinks that I did that on purpose? Who knows. *Shrugs* Either way.
This is what she was talking about:
I made this post after a friend of mine did, her daughter went to this school, and I was so ENRAGED that some creep did this. Just this ONE post.. I’m sure I’ve mentioned him.. like twice in the last year (since he finally picked up his dog) but I guess that’s what “all the time” means now. Why did I mention Ryan anyway? Might as well get it out there. If I’m going to get harassed about it, I might as well be truthful.
Well, he is a sexual predator listed on the Sex Offender Registry for Illinois for aggravated sexual abuse on a minor between 13-16. The offense was before I met him, and I didn’t find out the severity until years into our relationship. I should have ran when I first found out and it was “just once” with a “17 year old”.. instead of when it turned into a “15 year old”,”multiple times”, “included oral sex” and “in a home he shared with his wife”.
I had such low self esteem when I met him, I wanted to believe he was a good person so bad, that I just went with it. I kept telling myself that he was just a good guy who made a mistake. -Insert old news of years of narcissism, cheating, sex hotlines etc-
So I was wrong. That reinforced my idea that people like him cannot change, and they shouldn’t be allowed back out into the world. Some people are scum. As you can see from the post, he wasn’t the point of it. The sicko who videotaped middle schoolers was. However, a couple people found out that he was a sex offender from it.. and it spiraled out of control from there.
The conversation went on with Jessica for quite a bit, but honestly, I’m too lazy to screenshot all of it. She baited me into responding for a little while, making a feeble defense for myself as I was being told I was just desperate, he doesn’t want me (uh good?) and other crap. Honestly, I was just more in shock than anything. Eventually I just said peace out and go away. Her last text was:
Ha. I’m a hoodrat. Most of you who know me in real life are laughing your asses off right now. Whatever. Then my phone goes off again.
You might be able to tell.. but I kind of lost my temper. I had to go step outside for a minute. So now, I had his new girlfriend (conveniently with the same name as me.. wtf that makes 3 exes in a row!) texting me.
So I tried honesty.. (Backstory, I had bought, with my own money a really nice copper wind-chime. The 2nd time Ryan robbed me [and threatened to come take my daughters bed too if I called the police] and I was too chicken to make a report, he took that as well to be petty. So now, when I get stuck behind his ass in traffic the joke is “I don’t miss him, but I want my fucking windchime back”.) ..and just got a snarky admission to keeping my things. Claaaassy. Did she even see the post? It’s not like I screenshot his mugshot from the registry webpage??! Whatever. Not interested.
Right. Of course the next logical step would be to have the ringmaster of crazy text me.
All of this when I’m sitting on the couch with Jon, my after-work-cup-of-coffee in hand and kid trying to tell me about her day. All of that over an article I posted on my private page… that blew up because he tried to hide his felonies from people he knows.
I sat there and radiated hatred. My afternoon, fucked up, because those 3 decided the logical step was to barrage me with messages (because obviously that’ll un-rape that teenager). I’m sorry, it’s not my fault that he’s a rapist. It’s not my fault that he likes under-aged girls. It’s public knowledge, hence the registry. He screwed me over, and regardless of whether it’s 2 times a year or once a god damn day, anyone who does what he did to someone, more importantly destroys a 7 year old? I think I’m allowed to be bitter once in a while. So fuck all of that noise. Jesus what a headache!
So after all the shit he had put me through, the manipulation, the cheating, the screaming, and leaving my daughter and I with an empty house.. somehow the powers that be thought it would be okay to let them interject into my world again a year and a half later? Then I looked over.
Sitting there next to me, rubbing my leg, trying his best to comfort me and not hunt my ex down was a man who means the world to me. Someone who looks at me with nothing but love (and maybe a tinge of annoyance as his ribs are so fun to poke) in his eyes. A man who loves my daughter and I despite what we’ve been through.
It hit me like a freight train. I dodged a bullet.
I love a man who picks up my daughter from school just to make my day easier (note: is also legally allowed to be on school property) and to spend time with her.
I love a man who will sit down and discuss a disagreement with me, and exchange apologies with me. (Instead of screaming at me, that I was in the wrong, and at fault for it all.)
I love a man who works his ass off to cover his half of the bills, and takes great pride in what he does and has done. (Combat Vet/Manager – which I am very proud of. Was pretty hard to be proud of someone who you could google and end up on a government registry.)
I love a man who holds my hand when I hurt instead of picking fights with me while I have an NG tube.
I love a man who loves to sit and watch stupid sci-fi with me, instead of hiding an affair and 20 hours of sex-hotline phone minutes.
I love a man who loves me for who I am, who treats me with respect and like an adult. I love a man who I am not afraid of, nor would he ever give me a reason to be.
Sometimes, you need to get a reminder about how lucky you are, and how good your life really is.. even if it’s by three numbskulls who might as well be arguing through AIM in 1999.
A quick police report was made, and then we settled down and snuggled for the rest of the evening. (Yes, I made a police report, not because I actually think Jessica will harm me, but her maturity level would be on par with stealing something or egging my house or some shit. Better safe than sorry.)
Basically, it took a bit of hell and harassment to be reminded of the wonderful man who I have by my side. I love you babe, and I’m sorry if I don’t always show it. I can’t wait to see what the future holds.