I’m having a bit of a hard time lately. With both my body and my mind. I am so incredibly frustrated that I’m not sure where to even begin.

I’ve gained a bit of weight over the last couple of years from a lack of exercise due to both my Autonomic Neuropathy and Depression. So I stepped up my game a bit and got more active and restricted calories. While it seems to have helped my mood a bit, the weight is staying.

It’s frustrating because of some limitations my wayward heart has set. Lately I’ve just been doing small bits of exercise and walks with my pupper, but without being able to do any cardio, or anything that makes me exert myself.. I’m at a standstill.

At the same exact time, I’m frustrated with myself for hating on my body. Out of the last decade plus change, this is the healthiest I’ve been. Sure, I may be a bit overweight, but my Crohns Disease is behaving, migraines are pretty much gone, and my IST hasn’t knocked my ass into the ER for Adenosine in years. So it’s like.. well.. I’m angry at myself for being angry at myself for not being perfect? It’s a weird circle-jerk of self-loathing at a time where my only real problem is some extra pounds.

I don’t have much of a point to writing this beyond getting the thoughts onto “paper” and out of my head. I’m just frustrated.