Stress: It’ll Make or Break You. (Hint: Make isn’t fun either.)

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There’s always another curve-ball it seems like. It’s always one thing after another, or at least that’s what it seems like this week. Sometimes, it’s hard to keep a brave face on, to keep the smile going. ¬†It feels like I’ve been asking for a break from the Universe for years now, but that’s how it goes.

After my surgery, I was positive that things would get a bit easier. ¬†I mean, hell, I wouldn’t be admitted for sleepovers at my favorite hospital every month.. so that would be a bonus? While that’s absolutely true, I haven’t had more than a couple bad days with my Crohn’s Disease since, life just throws one more thing at me after another.

So surgery happened, and then the headaches/migraines started. MRIs (and the different variations of that I had done) showed nothing. The doctor ran all the neurological tests, and nothing. Tried some pills, and after a month and change, I occasionally get a day where I only get a headache for part of it.

I finally start getting used to the headaches, and learn how to “head them off” when they start, and start altering my lifestyle to maybe get rid of them all together. Stress makes everything worse, so why not lower stress in addition to exercise (hello weight gain from new headache medicine) and eating better. Things are looking up!

Until my car takes a big giant shit on that plan. My transmission hates me, so after it started slipping gears, I took it to my mechanic, who despite my insistence that I just had one done, blew $150 and gave my transmission a flush. That didn’t work, so I took it to a well-known transmission joint. They kept it for a week, changed out the valve body and a couple of other things.. and nada. So I took it back again, and for the tune of $1500 to $1800, they are fixing it. They said it would be a week… that was more than two weeks ago.

We rented a car for the first week and a half, but after running dangerously short on money (and hello beginning of the month, also known as *ding* your mortgage is due) we returned it.. after being told, oh, it’ll be done by Monday at the latest. Well, that was this past Monday.

While all of this is going on, Ryan’s job runs out of work. So when we need the money the most, we’re relying on my income and side jobs. It kind of works out, I was able to drive his truck to work this week a bit, but of course the side jobs come out of the woodwork on days I have to work.. so I was out of luck. Thankfully Ryan’s brother lent me his car, which was a life saver. Lets just say I was having an anxiety attack before he offered.

It doesn’t help that the guy snaps on me whenever I call for an update (because they have YET to call me to let me know what’s going on). So after a long day at work, where my office is SEVERELY understaffed temporarily (of course, while all of this is going on.. seriously, I must have some bad karma or something) and I’m running at stressed-the-fuck-out, I get to call this guy, and get snapped on, when I’m just looking for an update on when my life might get easier.

Then add into that, my daughter’s school is nothing but a pain. School starts on Tuesday, and of course, they have yet to send out ANYTHING about transportation or, I don’t know, school supplies or even her teacher. I’ve been trying to arrange a bus to pick her up from daycare, and it’s a major pain in the ass. Meet and Greet is on Monday (and I have no idea who her teacher is) and I promise this right now, if I go in, and they don’t have transportation set up, I will have a melt down.

All of this is going on, and it takes a toll on you. Ryan and I have been fighting like cats and dogs over the stupidest shit, just because we’re both so stressed out. It’s hard to remember that the other person didn’t cause this. Then, I find myself snapping on Noodle over stuff I normally let slide.. and then apologizing to her and beating myself up over it for days. It’s not easy, and I’m just waiting for a call that something else has gone wrong.

I’m trying to focus on the good things. ¬†Like we both *do* have incomes, and mine is stable. Noodle got to go to the summer camp at her daycare, so instead of dealing with me being stressed out, she got to go mini golfing, to the water park and beach and to a festival. While I beat myself up about this being a stressful summer, I have to remind myself, Noodle’s had a pretty good one! I have to remember, I have my house, which thankfully didn’t incur any damage in that tornado that plowed through town last week. As of now, my car is being fixed, even if it’s a major inconvenience at the moment, in the years past, we didn’t have cars, or relied on one. Of course, even though my body isn’t completely okay, my Crohn’s is damn near in remission for the first time in just under a decade.

I’ve got to remind myself, while things are stressful right now, I’m damned lucky to be sitting at home, writing, with a cup of tea, a sleeping child, and my dogs (and asshole cat) lounging on the couch. They could be a lot worse, they have been a lot worse. We are lucky.

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Infusions and Awareness Week

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Mouse Juice Time

                       Mouse Juice Time

December 1-7th is Crohn’s and Colitis Awareness week.¬† It’s only fitting, I suppose, that I am in the hospital for a few hours to get my Remicade Infusion.¬† As you can see from my expression up there, I’m not having a good morning.¬† I’ve had a headache (no fever so the infusion will go on!) for 3 days, and I can tell it’s infusion time since my Crohns Disease is acting up.¬† It was a hot rush this morning to get out of the house, between getting the kid ready, and getting myself out of the bathroom, I was damn near in tears.¬† I barely managed to get the short kid off to school on time and then had to rush back to the house to use the bathroom.

I had already called in my height and weight for my infusion bag to get sent to pharmacy, but pulling into my driveway, I realized I asked them to mix it early.  I had thought my appointment was at 9am, however it was set for 10am.  All the rushing around, and getting anxious being stuck in the bathroom for nothing.  Sitting in traffic I about lost it.  I did lose it after having to stop at a gas station on my way in to use the restroom.

So here I am.¬† After 3 tries, my infusion nurse realized that my hands/crooks of my arms were not working for IV lines, so I now have a line in my inside forearm.¬† Whatever works I guess.¬† He noted that over the past few infusions, it’s harder and harder to get a line (regardless of how much I drink or eat before hand).¬† At least he’s willing to get creative.¬† However, being stabbed repeatedly isn’t my cup of tea after a rough morning.¬† ::Sigh::

I’ve been doing alright lately.¬† I took myself off of the 6mp a couple of months ago, I had noticed no difference in my symptoms, and the side effects were obnoxious.¬† Most notably was a loss of appetite (I like my food dammit) and hair-loss.¬† The hair-loss was one of the bigger reasons why I chopped my shoulder length hair off, that and my innate ability to not to do my hair (also known as lazy-ass syndrome). ¬† I figured screw it.

After I took myself off of 6mp, the frequency of my Crohns symptoms actually decreased, and my hair stopped thinning so rapidly.¬† Finding out that my disease had spread to another part of my intestines prompted the idea that the Remicade wasn’t working anymore… which led to the super high dose of 6mp.¬† Welp, here I am.. still kicking on Remicade.¬† Hanging in the balance to see if it continues to work, or puts the new area in check without the 6mp.¬† I’ll argue my case later with my GI.¬† If Remicade ultimately fails, I’m still up for trying that new medication, but whatever.¬† Take it as it comes.

One of the things that really, really gets to me, is the fatigue.¬† I am constantly tired, getting off of the 6mp seemed to help that a bit, but I’m still exhausted by mid-day.¬† Hell, over the holiday weekend, I was exhausted a couple of hours after I woke up.¬† I think that’s the most frustrating part of it.¬† Even if I’m virtually symptom free for a couple of days, my joints hurt like a … well you know.. and I’m tired.¬† I can deal with pain and diets, but being tired for what seems like no reason just pisses me off.

This disease sucks, for a lot of reasons, but it’s tough to deal with because it’s a so-called invisible disease.¬† I don’t look quite so bad on the outside… hell, when I was at my sickest I kept getting compliments about how great I looked with the weight I had lost.¬† All other people know is that I’m always tired (some think I’m just too lazy to do things or just want to blow off plans) and that I use the bathroom a bit more.¬† It’s hard explaining to people that it’s more than a tummy ache… over and over again.

No matter what you explain, or how many times you explain it, the social effects are… depressing.¬† I’ve had family get upset because I didn’t want to continue at the pumpkin patch (after having an accident).¬† I’ve had coworkers/bosses not realize that I am serious about going home after using up all of my extra undies and Imodium.¬† I’ve had friends get mad when I don’t want to go out, or cancel plans because they don’t *see* my sickness, or “come out, you’ll feel better once you get moving”.¬† The fact that I use up my spoons some days before I even make it into my clothes just pisses people off.¬† (http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/)

It could be worse though, and has been worse.¬† Most days I’ve been managing to keep a positive outlook, some days though it just sucks.¬† Over the past handful of years Crohns and UC have gotten a lot more attention than before, and awareness is spreading.¬† Some days I’m thrilled that people are learning about IBD, some days I could give a fuck less.¬† Some days, even my online support network can’t even get me out of a funk.¬† Either way, the best thing to remember is that those of us with IBD are not alone.¬† It’s okay to feel crappy, it’s okay to say NO when you don’t feel up to something, and it’s okay to feel upset.

Days like today?¬† Where I used up all my spoons before I put my shoes on?¬† I’ll make it, you’ll make it, and things will get better.

Chai tea and Frustration

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It’s been an oddly relaxing few days, even despite a sick kid and lingering stress.  Snuggling on the couch and time with my family has really brought forward what I really want out of my life.  More or less, it drove home what really is important, and what’s a bigger priority. 

Sometimes you just need life to smack you in the face for you to get your head on straight.  I learned not to let others take advantage of my skill and of my time.  I learned that spending time with my family is important, and that my family is just important as everyone else’s family. The idea that I should schedule one day a week to spend with my family is absurd.  I learned that if I’m not careful, I’m going to miss my daughter’s childhood… and damage my relationship with my boyfriend.

It felt good to have some time to get my brain back on track and to discuss my options with the boyfriend.  I set new rules for my life and things are going to change, one way or another.

Here’s my overly cheesy end note: you make your life, only you can change it.

Strawberry Ale

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Saturday night, day one of a much needed three day weekend.¬† Monday, I am off work… initially it was out of necessity.¬† It’s Columbus Day (aka: lets-celebrate-genocide-day), so the kid doesn’t have school… and on the major school holidays, daycare is closed.¬† So I requested the day off, because being myself, I don’t have many other options for childcare.

Either way, as the days counted down to this weekend, work got more and more stressful.¬† Each day that inched by, the more depressed I got.¬† The more anxious, the more upset.¬† It’s just been… hellish, especially after working late nights for god knows how long.¬† Friday, I lost it.¬† I finally found out what burnt out feels like, I thought I had experienced it before, but quite honestly I hadn’t.¬† Every little thing was setting me off into tears, I felt like I was on the borderline of an anxiety attack all day.¬† (Hello, new prescription.)¬† It was one of those days where I had to go outside, and solidly convince myself that deep down I *do* like my job, and that while my paycheck is no longer 100% needed, I like having that income.

It was bound to happen.¬† I knew it was coming, and quite frankly, I’m surprised it came with tears instead of screaming and storming out.¬† Friday straight up blew.¬† However though, when I’m stressed I tend to say what I mean, instead of sugar coating it, so I got some of my thoughts off my chest.¬† Despite the tears, at the end of the day, I actually felt better.¬† On the drive home, I thought about what I wanted out of life, out of work and out of my home.¬† I put some priorities in order, and let me just tell you this: my family comes first.¬† Hearing my boyfriends views on it, and knowing I have his support regardless of what I do with work helps.

Cue: Weight off my shoulders.

So, this weekend, I’m taking for my family.¬† This Monday is a Noodle+Me day.¬† I’m enjoying every minute of it.¬† I know that I have some work I really should get to, especially with corporate coming in next week.¬† This weekend though?¬† I’m not doing it.¬† I’m not checking emails, faxes, lates or anything.¬† I need this, and I need time.

Today wasn’t quite fun filled with the morning dentist appointment, but watching scary movies with the short one this afternoon was nice.¬† Right now, I’m relaxing with a Strawberry Ale (mighty tasty I might add) and writing.. while fending off complaints from the child that she lost her charger for her tablet.¬† Tomorrow?¬† I don’t know what’s going on, but I know I’m spending my morning in bed until I feel ready to get up… and the day?¬† Relaxing.¬† Monday?¬† I think a bike ride with the kid, and lunch out.

Moral of the last week (year)… family and self comes first.

Chasing it down.

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I feel like I lost something along the way, like it fell out of my pocket while I was walking down the street one day. ¬†It feels like I lost it at home, in the morning rush, while I was trying to get my child off to school so I could head to work. ¬†I feel like I lost it at the office, in between the screaming customers and cranky coworkers. ¬†I feel like I lost it while trying to balance the work I’ve brought home, with the work I already had set up for me there.

My creativity is missing, have you seen it?  My fingers used to itch with ideas to put on paper, with stories streaming through my head.  I used to have to STOP what I was doing, multiple times through out the day, just to write an idea down.  I could sit down with my cup of coffee and write and write, whether it was with my journal and pen or computer.

Somewhere this past year, I lost it. ¬†That doesn’t mean that I haven’t occasionally sat down by the computer, grabbed my notebooks, and… tried. ¬†It just doesn’t come. ¬†If I sit there long enough, the only feelings, the only things that come is stress from the job, and the feeling of failing at home (the result of working long hours and bringing work home with me).

My fingers don’t itch, my journal is sparsely filled with meaningless entries, and my blog is stagnant. ¬†Don’t even get me started on my drawings or my knitting. ¬†Lately, it feels like there is nothing left in my brain but stress. ¬†There’s this underlying wave of anxiety lately, if I give myself a moment, it threatens to drown me. ¬†I get up in the morning, get my kiddo to school, work 9 hours (often without a lunch, which was a big journal writing time for me), get the kid from school and head home with another 2-4 hours of work. ¬†I manage to fix dinner, throw in some activities for the family on the weekend, and bam! ¬†The end of the day is there, I head to my room to conjure up something to put through my pen and just end up with the same anxiety. ¬†Unfortunately you can only write so much about one topic before you start pissing yourself off. ¬†(Yes, that was a full admission that *all* writing I do is for myself.)

Things seem to be slowly calming down at work, I’m slowly (read: the difference is in literal minutes) working less at home. ¬†I’m slowly starting to feel the real draw back to my ideas, but now it’s pushed by the irritation, the HATRED of how I’ve sold my mind short. ¬†I think of all that I could put through my pen, I think of all the time I could spend with my daughter (my true muse) instead of hovering over my paperwork, and then stressing over everything else. ¬†I think of how much I just want to STOP.

I think of how much I just want to walk away. ¬†How much I want to just say “screw your fucking (insert inane purchase at any retail/CS job I’ve worked), I’m done.” and go home and write. ¬†How much I want to listen to my daughter’s make believe stories and spin whole tales about each character… for the pure point of telling a great bedtime story. ¬†I think about the years I’ll spend working, and if they’ll be limited by my disease, I think about whether or not I’m spending what limited working years I have working in a stressful environment. ¬†If I’m sacrificing my “healthy years” (those of you who personally know me, just started laughing) slaving away behind work orders and phones instead of with my family and my art. ¬†I start wondering what’s worth it, and what’s not. ¬†I start wondering what I really want, and what just gets me by.

Then. ¬†THEN. ¬†I think about how much I enjoy my industry (even if I don’t enjoy my job anymore). ¬†I think about the great example I’m setting for my daughter about work ethic when I show up to work every day, even when other’s would call off. ¬†I think about my co-workers, who sometimes drive me up a wall, but whom I consider my friends. ¬†I think about the joy I find when doing my job correctly, and getting out and finishing at 5. ¬†I think about how much easier things are with my extra paycheck (yes, I’m *finally* not the breadwinner in my family), and how much quicker I can accomplish my material goals. ¬†I think about how much easier it is to get yelled at by a customer then it is to try and crank out material and get published.

I ran away this weekend, my daughter and I came up north, to a part of wisconsin I’d like to live eventually. ¬†My parents will eventually retire here, and this is one of the only places I feel like I’m able to let my mind wander. ¬†After work on friday, I packed the car and we drove up here in the dark. ¬†I needed a weekend away to clear my head, despite planning to come up here much more this year, I haven’t made it. ¬† ¬†So this weekend it is.

Last night, while laying in bed, I realized that something has to change. ¬†Now I’m not saying I am going to up and quit my job (despite the rallying cries to do so), but something… anything has to change. ¬†I need to learn how to say no, how to go home at a reasonable time and instead of working at my own desk, how to walk away from my to-do list and pay attention to myself and to my family. ¬†I need to learn to let my words and emotions flow through my fingers like they used to. ¬†I need to stop fearing that I’ll offend someone with my writing, that I’ll upset someone at the office or in my personal life. ¬†I need to stop censoring my thoughts and written word and maybe… just maybe my creativity will come back. ¬†I need to learn balance, how to do the job I (used to) love (and learn to love it again), and how to nurture my family and my own pleasures.

Last night, and today, I’ve realized what I want and it’s not the feeling I get out of the way things are now. ¬†I have to make a change, and I’m the only one who can do it. ¬†It’s my life and I’m the one leading it… I need to get my priorities in order and enjoy it.

Life is a lot shorter than we’ve been lead to believe.

Basically Rambling

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I am finally relaxing. ¬†As I posted earlier, we bought a new (to us) washer, and of course I had to wash every little bit of clothes I owned. ¬†Haha, let me just nominate myself for the lame-adult-of-the-year award. ¬†The kid and I colored with some chalk, and after her bath, we made a pizza. ¬†Thursday nights we usually do a one on one dinner, which she gets a kick out of. ¬†Always nice to actually get some alone time with the kid and talk with her. ¬†She’s a really bright kid, and the conversations we have always amaze me. ¬†We talked today about money (and how things cost money so we have to save for bigger purchases) and about camp and what she likes about it so far. ¬†I’m pretty impressed with my little one.

It’s almost Friday thank God. ¬†It’s been a long couple of weeks. ¬†Work has just been crazy, with the exception of today, and with the fight with my family member, it’s been pretty high stress. ¬†Now that everything is over, my anxiety has calmed down.

I’m finally getting caught up on some work that I fell behind on with my day off on Tuesday, and I feel like I actually got something accomplished. ¬†I’m very numbers driven, so being able to see what I’ve done each day really helps. ¬†Hopefully things continue to calm down at work, I’m starting to feel a bit burnt out with everything. ¬†I just keep reminding myself that it’s the season… as a coworker says, it seems like everything implodes in the summertime.

As for the fight with my family member. ¬†I was able to text what I really wanted to say, (once I wasn’t so angry, just hurt) and for once I wasn’t interrupted. ¬†I hope that she read it and took it to heart. ¬†I haven’t heard from her since and I noticed that she blocked me on Facebook. ¬†That’s fine I guess. ¬†After talking with my Dad, and then with the boyfriend, I’ve definitely made the decision to cut ties. ¬†If she hadn’t said certain things I might have let it blown over, but unfortunately once words leave your mouth, it can’t be unsaid. ¬†Frankly, even if I did change my mind, I don’t think the boyfriend will… from what I understand his family is pretty upset too. ¬†It looks like with a couple of hurtful comments, a wedge may have been driven between the two families. ¬†Sad. ¬†Like I was saying, I’m glad it’s over. ¬†I’m slightly upset still, but mostly relieved. ¬†I was able to say what I’ve been wanting to say for months, and I found out how she really feels about my disease/job/family/life. ¬†So not only did I get what I needed to off my chest, but I was able to inadvertently find out who is toxic to me and who I need to keep away from my kiddo. ¬† It’s odd, I feel in a way… lighter.

Beyond all that, I’m just doing the thing. ¬†I’ve been feeling pretty run down lately, but I honestly think it’s mostly stress (which hopefully should lessen now) and oddly enough, dehydration. ¬†It’s been pretty warm here, and with being sick, I get pretty dehydrated pretty fast. ¬†So water and tea it is! ¬†It looks like the weather should be cooling down here soon, so forest preserve trips are coming and I think I’m going to finally sign up for a yoga class or something. ¬†I haven’t decided which one, but I think it would be a good (natural) way to bring down my anxiety. ¬†Plus the benefits! ¬†The only other thing that’s on my “personal-for-me-to-do-list” is looking into a bicycle. ¬†I really want a beach cruiser and have for years, but you know how it goes, there’s always another place that money could go. ¬†So I’m going to start saving up a portion of my savings (haha) to put down on a bike, since the kid has learned how to ride her bike good now, I want to be able to go on bike rides with her. ¬†So wish me luck!

 

Anyway, this turned into more of a journal post than I wanted, but I didn’t feel like writing in my physical journal. ¬†My kiddo has fallen asleep on her chapter book, so it’s time to get her in bed. ¬†Happy Friday everyone!

Depression: This and That

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It’s been a long couple of weeks, it really has been. ¬†It seems like it’s all come crashing down on my shoulders today, I’m not sure why today, but here I am. ¬†I am in a deep funk. ¬†I’ve been telling myself for the past few days that I just need to make it to Friday. ¬†Friday, the beginning of the weekend… I was sure that when I walked out of work tonight, I’d feel much better (at least mood wise anyway). ¬†Well, that was a lie. ¬†Maybe it has to do with all the stress from work over the past couple of (hell) weeks, maybe it was the crushing realization that I’m going to have to work tomorrow morning anyway. ¬†Either way, getting in my car after work and heading to pick up the short one from camp, I had the sudden urge just to bawl.

I’m not talking about a couple of cute, mascara streaked tears running down my face. ¬†I felt like I wanted to scream and rail against the world, like if I went all crazy girl in my car, I’d feel all better and the world would keep turning. ¬†Well, unfortunately for my head, I didn’t. ¬†I drove to pick up the short one, no tears in sight, and diligently turned in the check for her childcare. ¬†I packed her up in the car and stopped for a quick treat at the 7-eleven (Friday tradition anyone?) and headed home. ¬†I sat out in the backyard writing, watching my child run around with her “peg leg” (a walking stick the boyfriend made her, which magically morphs into whatever play thing she wants at the moment. ¬†Thank god for imagination!), smacking random things that she deemed a monster. ¬†I sat there and smiled. ¬†The boyfriend came home, we talked about our days while I drank my iced coffee. ¬†You know what? ¬†I still want to bawl.

I know a big portion of it is just the prednisone prescription. ¬†I have mild depression and anxiety normally, but for some reason the prednisone really brings it out. ¬†It’s pretty common from what I understand if you’re on it long term, and I dealt with it before so I knew it was coming. ¬†A big portion of this funk is because I feel like crap. ¬†My Crohns is far from controlled right now, and the physical side effects from prednisone are popping up. ¬†Along with the stomach cramping and my “normal” fatigue, I have joint pain, what I call “skin pain” and I feel like I haven’t slept. ¬†I’m not even going to talk about the “moon face” I’m rocking now. ¬†It was confirmed by a coworker yesterday. ¬†As anyone with a chronic illness knows, (especially someone in a flare or with consistently active disease) after a while, the pain and discomfort just wear you down.

For whatever reason, work has just been hell lately. ¬†I mean, it’s enough to wear my healthy counter parts down, and dealing with it on top of pain and fatigue is just ruining whatever small happy moods I do have with a quickness. ¬†Usually I can deal with work stress pretty well, but with already being at the mental-crying-like-a-grounded-teenager point due to pain… it takes very little to set me over the edge. ¬†Thankfully my co-workers are understanding (to a point), but shit man, I’d rather not have to run outside to get my emotions under control. ¬†Crying at work is not fun for anyone, and when I cry, I make it all awkward for all who witness it.

There’s a lot going on in my personal life. ¬†Some financial stuff, ranging from the new hospital bills, to the increased summer tuition for childcare (no child support here remember), to trying to stay afloat with no extra income coming in to make up for the gap. ¬†Along with finances comes the regular stuff. ¬†I have to turn in supplies for summer camp and register the kid for 2nd grade (I already missed the deadline… thank god pretty much everyone does.) and the boyfriends kids money stuffs too. ¬†It’s just a lot, and while doable, is very overwhelming when I’m already not at the top of my game. ¬†Then of course just every day stuff, you know, keeping up with chores (thank god for the helpful boyfriend) and the garden and getting repairs on my car completed. ¬†I about cried when I realized I have to do laundry this weekend. ¬†That’s how stressed out I am.

I know a lot of it is prednisone related because I *know* that most of this stuff doesn’t bother me on a normal day. ¬†Which having that thought just irritates me even more! ¬†I am so incredibly overwhelmed I want to just make some coffee and pour my head out to someone, but I’m feeling quite alone at the moment. ¬†The boyfriend has to listen to me rant and rave everyday, so I don’t want to unload on him anymore than I already do. ¬†My parents have a lot to deal with the other children, so I don’t want to unload on them either. ¬†They are super stressed out, why add to it and then add guilt to my list of woe-is-me’s. ¬†I don’t have a whole lot of friends who do the coffee date anymore, and the ones who do (which I love dearly) are too far to do in-person-coffee dates. ¬†(Luckily I have one via phone tomorrow). ¬†Regardless, between putting on the happy-fun-lets-do-a-bunch-of-fun-stuff mom face and the lack of people to talk to… it’s hard to get my brain out of this funk.

 

I don’t know. ¬†I have to work tomorrow, then the kid and I are out to roam around for some one on one time. ¬†I’m hoping that that and the good weather will cheer me up. ¬†In the mean time? ¬†Whiskey and cokes on my porch after the kiddo falls asleep. ¬†I’ll count not having to watch frozen again as a victory and count my blessings.

 

Happy night all.  Hope your moods are better than mine.