Round 2 – Don’t date Narcissistic Assholes

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Man, when will I learn? One of these days I will stop giving 2nd, 3rd, and 4th chances for people to do the right thing.

Those who just made it to this blog for the first time, my 4 year relationship ended last Thanksgiving. He cheated on me several times and when I called him on it, he broke it off. He chose to move out when I was at my Dads house for the holiday, and I was stupid enough to trust him. Long story short, my house was empty minus one couch (which I could borrow for a month) and my bed, dresser and noodles bed. All kitchenwares but some glasses, 2 plates were gone too. Some of it was his, as it was better than mine, but half of the little stuff was mine for years before I knew him. Either way, after a long term relationship, you’d think you’d split things a bit. My circle of friends got together and replaced most everything for me so I could focus on Christmas.

Fast forward to today, just about 4 months later. I was still storing his motorcycle and taking care of his sick dog. I told him that was it. He needed to get his shit out of the shed and start finding a place for his dog. He gave me some story about not being able to rent anywhere, but it’s not my fault he got himself on a registry.

So I trusted him again. I told him to go ahead and grab his bike and leaf blower ect. I even reminded him to get his kids bikes and his water cooler. I just requested he leave me the lawn mower, the hedge clippers (or whatever their called, I used them to trim the bushes and small trees growing between the fence) and the tree trimmer we bought for my obnoxious tree in the middle of my yard. That’s it. He agreed via text. Welp. Guess what he did. Took the tools and left a huge mess. I lost it.

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So about that text: the stove he gave to me when his house was foreclosed on.. it wasn’t a “this is mine and I’m taking it back someday” thing. The bed and the dresser he left here because “You can have it, I’m tired of lugging that thing everywhere.” Noodles bed (frame – the mattresses are mine) was given to her by his ex sister in law, we have daughters the same age. The other crap? He left here, I didn’t ask for, just came home to find it.

We argued back and forth and eventually I told him to come get his dog. I was done doing shit for him at my expense. No response. Then I told him to fuck that, I don’t even care if he takes back “his things”, I’ll deal, just like I always do.

Always the sucker for animals, I told him he can either pay me to take care of his dog or pick her up. No response. I should have figured as much.

Honestly it’s the premise more than anything else. I wanted him to do the right thing and be a decent human being. I’ll buy more tools, and figure things out with the pup some how, but damnit.

So tomorrow morning, I’m going to the station to file a police report about what has happened and let them know Zoe was abandoned at my house (and had been for months) and see what options they have for me and go from there. I want to care for her still, but I don’t know her prognosis nor do I have money for vet bills (single mom!) But maybe some of the vets around here can help out with the bills.  So we’ll see what happens. If I can’t get her in my name, that’s another story. Well I guess we will just go day by day.

Regardless, I’m tired of being used and abused by this shit head. Someone who not only stole from a child once but threatened to again.  I’m glad I got to a better place before this happened and I know I’m good on my own two feet. Steal from me and abandon your dog? After I helped him out after he cheated on me and screwed me over? Pathetic.

I just wish I had seen the real kind of person he was years ago instead of now. Oh well, it’s another lesson learned, and another thing I’ll get through better from.

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Turn it off.

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Tell me why I care? Tell me why I feel bad? Tell me why, that after everything that has happened, why I still feel the need to take care of him?

So when the big-asshole-of-a-breakup happened, the first thing I did was look at my finances. My phone bill was huge, so I had asked my ex (wow, that feels odd to type out) when he would be getting his phone line off my account. He said he needed a little bit. Fast forward two weeks, I asked again, he said he needed one more paycheck, which was the next week. Fast forward two more weeks, my billing period was ending the next week. I needed to switch my plan so I wouldn’t have to pay that super high bill, so I asked him to get his line off of my account. Then I went into my store and set up a new plan, and for it to auto cancel when the billing period ended.

Today, one more week later, his phone shut off. He texted me from his son’s phone to ask me. I confirmed. Then immediately apologized and explained myself.

I wish I could just turn it off. I don’t want to feel all of this. I don’t know why I care, I did what was right to take care of myself, I can’t afford to pay for his phone. I don’t know why I feel the need to take care of him, why I feel the need to apologize and explain. He’s the one who cheated, he’s the one who walked away and screwed me with the bills, and left me with a damn near empty house.

I just need to turn my emotions off.

Decency and favors. Love and Life Lessons. (Plus a realization)

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(I’ve refrained from writing about this on my public blog for two weeks now. Mostly keeping my comments to my private Facebook. However, I’ve neglected writing for some time now, and writing is how I heal. Sometimes journaling is not enough. So here we go. I’m taking back the things I care about, and my blog is one of them)

So I was informed today that I am not a decent person. Apparently because I got myself couches and moved my exes couch outside and asked him to pick it up.

I was informed that he was doing me a favor by letting me “keep the couch so you had a place to sit”.

Right. Because not putting it on the curb, along with the motorcycle and all the other shit in the shed isn’t decent. Because watching the dog that’s not mine until he finds a place to live isn’t decent. Because I didn’t do him a favor by standing by him for 4 years even though it put my family at risk. I didn’t do any favors supporting him financially and emotionally, through the toughest time in his life. Because it’s obviously my fault that he walked out, and can’t fathom that I’m not going to rearrange my plans so it’s convenient for him.

He did ME a favor by cheating, moving out and leaving us with next to nothing, just in time for Christmas? Taking all of not only his stuff, but stuff we bought together and things of mine? Just to put them in storage? He’s the decent person because he let me borrow a couch?

Right.

You know what? He did do me a favor. He taught me what love is, and what it isn’t. He taught me that I should never be dependant on someone else. He taught me that real men don’t cheat on someone they promised to love forever. He taught me that real men don’t break a child’s heart, then take even the toothpaste out of the cabinet on their way out. He taught me that I can do this all on my own, that I deserve better than all of that.

He DID indeed help me out, but it wasn’t letting me borrow his couch. It was teaching me that there are people will help us if we need it. People who love us and stepped in to give us a happy holiday. It was teaching me what commitment and devotion is. It was teaching me that someone who loves me won’t sleep around behind my back, putting my health at risk. It was teaching me what I want, how much more I deserve, and that there are good people in the world, in my world.. He taught me that he didn’t deserve to be part of it.

I hope on his quest for happiness, he finds what he’s looking for. I do. I just hope he stops hurting everyone who loves him along the way.