“I have my Mother’s Dreams, I have my Father’s Eyes…


… You can’t take that from me, just go ahead and try” – Rise Against

There’s one thing that I’ve always lived by, it’s that if you want something bad enough, you’ll get it.  If you want something so bad that your heart feels like it’s going to explode unless you get it, you’ll find a way.  You’ll work and work and strive and sweat until you get whatever it is you want.  One of my exes actually said it best (now that I stopped hating him and actually listened): “You’re spoiled.  Not because you’ve been handed everything, because if you want something you refuse to accept failure, if you want something you get it.”

It’s been a pretty good motto to live by, especially when life is hard, which in my life is frequently.  Ha, I’m pretty sure life was only easy when all I had to worry about was saving my allowance to get the most current issue of the metal (music) mag I loved.  Through out this battle which I hesitantly call my life, I’ve been told I wouldn’t get this or that.  I wouldn’t go as far as so and so.  I would fail at whatever I was aiming for.  After hearing all of that, well, if any of you know my personality, ha, I busted ass and did it anyway.  Every step in this life, at least since I was a teenager has been a struggle, and frankly I’m glad it has been.  It’s taught me that I can fight a lot harder than I thought I could and that I can achieve anything I set my (bull-headed-stubborn-ass-annoying-don’t-take-no-for-an-answer) mind to.  Life has taught me I CAN do anything I want.  I CAN own a house, I CAN go to school, I CAN settle into a career (even if I want to burn the office down daily), I CAN be a parent albeit a single parent.  I CAN do anything and I HAVE done everything I’ve set my mind to.

Regardless of how bad any situation is, no one can ever take your dreams away.  It might seem like they can stomp out your hope, but deep down you’ll still have those dreams of what you want life to be like.  All it takes is a little determination and a little ass-kicking to get it done.  Trust me, it’s worth it, even if you make it by baby steps, every single fucking one of those steps is a victory.

Now though, I’m at a cross roads.  I’m debating on whether or not I should go for another degree, I’ve been thinking on it for a while now, and have set a deadline for the decision to be by the next spring semester.  I’m thinking about maybe a Bachelors in Criminal Justice (no, I don’t want to be a cop), but I’m just not sure.  I do like the current job I have, and if the company shows me potential that I can advance I wouldn’t mind just adding some classes to what I have already.  However, I like Criminal Justice and think I could make a decent career out of it.  So I’m weighing my options.  4 more years of college?  No school and full focus on my family.  A steady $45,000 a year to do what I’m interested in?  Staying at a company I like regardless of pay.  I’m also weighing it against my other goals.  Will this put off my goal of buying another house in a handful of years?  Impact the remodeling?  Impact my family negatively?  There’s a lot to go into it, and I hate setting aside goals to achieve others.  Whatever,  I have a few months to think on it… and whatever it is I do.. I know I have the support of the boyfriend and my family.

Since I know I can accomplish my dreams, it’s just a matter of choosing which dream to hunt down first.