Quiet Time – Because I hate everyone in the morning.

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I tried to sleep in today, I really did.¬† It just didn’t work.¬† I woke up at 4:45am, which is about the time I get out of bed to get ready for work.¬† I convinced myself to go back to sleep, annnnd 5:20am and I’m awake again.¬† I laid there until about 6am before I just gave up.

Working the shift I do at work, I’m pretty much used to getting up before the sun.¬† My body wakes me up regardless of whether or not it’s a weekend or if I’m out of town on vacation.¬† It used to really irritate me, but then I learned to take advantage of it.¬† There are benefits to being the only living thing (besides the cat, who is currently having a stare down with a blowing leaf outside) awake this early in my house, mainly, I don’t have to talk to anyone.

Even though I get up at an ungodly hour regardless of whether or not I’m working, I still am not a morning person.¬† If you manage to catch me before my morning cup of coffee, chances are you’ll regret it and be trying to pull a sharp object out of your throat.¬† I am just not pleasant, it’s simple.¬† I wake up, I hate you.¬† I drink coffee, I mildly dislike you.¬† I drink more coffee, I can tolerate the human race.

So yeah, back to the benefit of waking up before everyone else.¬† QUIET TIME FOR ME.¬† Yup, that’s it.¬† Right now, it’s just my coffee, the cat, the click of the heater turning on, and ME MYSELF AND I.¬† I’ve already passed the hating people part of my morning, and am just relaxing with a cup of coffee and browsing Twitter. (Uh, Guys? Twitter is REALLY strange at 6am on Sunday.)¬† It’s a nice start to the day, I get to get my bitchiness out of my system with out pissing off my kid or the boyfriend, and I get to drink a cup of coffee in pure quiet.¬† Coffee tastes so much better with out the “Mom, I’m hungry!” or the “Babe, read this article!” or the “Mom, I’m STARVING!” or the “GOD YOU TWO, SHUT THE HELL UP FOR A MINUTE”.¬† That last one being me.

So happy Sunday everyone, even to those fuckers reading this that didn’t even wake up until after 1pm.¬† Don’t let humanity beat you down before your first cup of coffee!

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Procrastination – Oh look! Coffee!

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It’s Saturday morning and I’ve been awake for about an hour and a half. ¬†Mornings are my favorite time, but often my most lazy. ¬†I love just lounging around and drinking coffee. ¬†Sunday mornings (and occasionally Saturday, around lunch) I cook a big breakfast, but Saturday mornings are all mine.

This morning is kind of chilly, it most definitely feels like a September morning instead of the end of July. ¬†The high temperatures are only going to be in the 60’s this weekend, and there is a nice breeze to go with it as well. ¬†So while it’s a bit cloudy, today is one of those days where I plan on opening up all the windows (the one’s that aren’t already open that is) and cleaning. ¬†Maybe after all of that, I’ll curl up with a book… which dictates a run to the bookstore!

In the current moment though, I’m curled up in my Pjs, with a cup of coffee on the table and a kitten currently trying to destroy the entire house. ¬†The kid is reading, the boyfriend is laying plans for the shed he’s going to build this weekend, and it’s peaceful… minus the random crashes I hear in the kitten’s wake.

The one thing I’ve learned in the hoopla that has been the past few years, is that a little procrastination saves your sanity. ¬†If it’s always -Go Go Go Go-, if you don’t take a little time for yourself each day, you’ll lose it. ¬†So while there is a pile of laundry waiting to be done, a bathroom that needs to be cleaned and a house full of toys, I am taking a bit to relax with my coffee.

 

Happy Saturday Everyone!

Quiet Morning, Simple Things

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It’s about 8am in the morning. ¬†I’ve been awake since about 6am, and outside shortly after. ¬†I love the early part of the mornings, when the sun is just barely up and most people are still sleeping. ¬†It’s quiet, and in the suburbs you can only hear the occasional car and the birds. ¬†It just reinforces my plan to move up north, away from people.

I’m pretty simple when it comes to things that make me happy. ¬†It’s usually the little things that make my day, the bigger and more complex it is, the more likely I am to dislike it. ¬†So a quiet morning to start the day is well worth not sleeping in.

When I woke up, the boyfriend was still asleep. ¬†Oddly enough, so was the kid. ¬†She usually gets up as early as I do, and is most definitely a morning person. ¬†So I snuck out the back to the deck and posted up with my coffee, reading the news with my mutts at my feet. ¬†Eventually Noodle woke up and came out here, and beyond that short little photo op, she’s stuck to wandering around the yard, looking at the garden or the flowers (much like how her Grandpa does first thing).

So here I sit, just enjoying the morning (because the Universe made me do my chores yesterday), vaguely thinking about what I’m going to make for breakfast. ¬†I think some blueberry pancakes are in order, I have to use those remaining blueberries soon or they’ll go bad. ¬†Then it’s a day outside for us…

Hope everyone enjoys the rest of their weekend.  :)

 

 

Growing Up or Growing Into?

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It’s Saturday Night y’all! ¬†The boyfriend is hanging out with his brother, and my kid is asleep. ¬†Logically the next step is brew some coffee and write some bullshit. ¬†So yeah. ¬†Here I am. ¬†On the internet. ¬†Three minutes ago I had a realization, something that hit me so hard, so fast, that I immediately felt that need to get the words out of my head. ¬†I can’t find my favorite pen, so blog it is.

I am a New Sarah.

Over the past 15 years, I have reinvented myself several times. ¬†No one Sarah was completely the same. ¬†Some Sarah’s were no good, some Sarah’s were too work-involved, some Sarah’s were at the bottom of the bottle, and some Sarah’s were domesticated housewifes. ¬†So here we go again, I finally realized that I am a completely new Sarah again.

This new Me has been evolving for roughly 3 years. ¬†The Divorce from “He who shall not be named” threw me to rock-bottom. ¬†I wasn’t the best person, I wasn’t the best mom, and I wasn’t a good friend. ¬†Honestly, I didn’t even like me. ¬†Not even a little bit. ¬†Actually, if Present-Day-Me met Me-From-3-Years ago, I’d slap her. ¬†Or me. ¬†Whatever, you get the gist.

I had to have a couple of major blows to my life to straighten out. ¬†Those blows sucked, but I finally got it figured out and apparently just ran with it. ¬†Usually my reinventions are¬†somewhat¬†similar. ¬†Some sort of aspect stays with the next Me, thankfully, this time, the only thing that has stuck is my fuck-you-I-can-do-this attitude. ¬†I think I’m just so amazed because of it. ¬†Looking back on 3 years ago, I am borderline ashamed. ¬†I have moments of deep shame, but then I remind myself that everything I did, caused, or went through, kicked my ass enough to learn from it. ¬†Nonetheless, I am glad to say goodbye to the Old Sarah. ¬†I am glad to kiss that life goodbye and stop glancing over my shoulder to make sure it’s not following me.

Today was a perfect day. ¬†The Boyfriend had to work, so we had a Noodle and Mama Day. ¬†We relaxed together a bit this morning, and after a quick breakfast hopped in the car and headed out. ¬†We ran a couple of errands and then had lunch together. ¬†After lunch, we went straight to the local farmer’s market and bought mushrooms (Noodle), Onions (as a¬†complement¬†to Noodle’s mushrooms), and peanut butter cookies (Me, duh). ¬†Then we went shopping, we roamed around a couple of stores, causing a bit of trouble and looking for deals. ¬†At Target I learned that my kid can con cookies off of ANY bakery in ANY store ANNNNND go back for SECONDS.

We came back to the house and set up some venison chops to marinate, and went right back outside. ¬†It was a gorgeous day, and I don’t think either one of us could stay inside another day. ¬†I had bought her a big jug of bubbles, so I sipped my iced coffee and she blew and chased down and stomped hundreds of bubbles. ¬†A good grilled dinner and some relaxing, and she’s tucked into bed asleep. ¬†I managed to clean the house before I ended up on my computer.

What made me realize the change in myself is that as I brewed my cup of coffee I realized I was/am completely happy and content. ¬†That moment, as my coffee brewed, I thought back and realized how different not only I was, but how different I felt compared to a few years ago. ¬†I finally learned how to live for me (and my daughter) instead of to someone else’s standards, or how I thought I was *supposed* to be. ¬†I finally learned to love ME and my life, all the little quirks and troubles. ¬†I learned to be happy with myself and enjoy the little things, and do it sober.

Things are not perfect and this life has had some pretty shitty moments, but now I realize that it will never be perfect, but I can make it as damn close as I can, and enjoy the ride there.

 

It feels good to stop looking into the past.

Coffee In the Mornings

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There is nothing I like better than a quiet morning and a cup of coffee. ¬†It gives me some time to relax and get ready for the day. ¬†Kind of setting the day off on the the right foot. ¬†During the summer it’s even nicer, before work I’ll sit out on the front step and drink my coffee there. ¬†Usually it is dead silent still (I get up for work pretty early) and I can enjoy nature. ¬†Winter puts a damper on that, but on the weekends, I’ll usually get up a bit early and relax on the couch and read the news.

Coffee has always equaled peace to me. ¬†A time to wind down and clear my head. ¬†I think I’ve been drinking coffee since I was 14 years old, and it still tastes the best with a journal and pen laid out in front of me. ¬†I’ve found it hard to write on occasion if I don’t have a hot cup of coffee, it’s become that much of a routine in my life (Well gee, after 12 years I guess that was to be expected).

Sitting down with a cup of coffee has kept my brain in line more times that I’d like to admit. ¬†When I’m upset or stressed out, sometimes the solution is a few quiet moments and some rich coffee. ¬†It gives me that opportunity to breathe and think about what’s going on and become more rational. ¬†One of the perks, that shows up eventually, is that it gives me a chance to reflect (not only on the stupid stuff but..) on the good things in my life. ¬†It gives me a chance to realize that a particular problem is not world-ending, but in fact I am lucky and that I need to be more grateful.

I’ve been journaling since I learned how to write. ¬†There was something alluring about writing down your world in a book, and as I grew older, I began to like the stereotypical coffee, coffee house and journal time. ¬†Now that I have a child, I have my own desk and “quiet spot” to write in. ¬†Journaling (or blogging, or writing stupid shit on a napkin at 4 am because that’s the only thing you have to write on) I believe has made me a better person, it’s something I think that if people tried a few times, they would eventually pick up. ¬†I bought Noodle her first journal not too long ago. ¬†She now makes a big production out of sitting in bed with me in the evenings so we can write together. ¬†Her journaling is a lot more simple, but it gives her something to do and a way to explain things (with horrible kid spelling) ie: Today we went to the forest preserve, that made me happy. ¬†It’s also something that her and I BOTH do, not totally “together” but at the same time with each other. ¬†She knows that when she gets older, and I’m ancient, or when she asks as an adult, she’ll get all of my journals (I have more than 40 at this point)… and that will be a great way for her and whatever grandchildren I’ve¬†accumulated¬†at that point to learn about me. ¬†Hopefully it’s a trait she develops as well as she gets older.

So for now, I’m off to make some more coffee. Let the weekend begin.

 

Missing in Action : Motivation

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I got off of work this afternoon with some grand scheme of cleaning the house and working on my projects.  I picked up the Noodle from school and made a quick stop at the store and headed home.  Ryan is working a temporary second job tonight, so I have the house to myself (with Nood of course).

I fixed Noodle dinner and cleaned the kitchen, then while Noodle read before bed I put away the laundry I neglected from the weekend. ¬† ¬†I started the coffee and poured a cup. ¬†The first sip had me thinking of sitting and working on my scarf or writing. ¬†I picked up the living room and put the kiddo to bed and my motivation just¬†disappeared. ¬†I refilled my coffee cup and am now relaxing on the couch, watching NCIS and relaxing. ¬†Motivation just vanished, but I suppose that’s okay, there’s not much left to do and everyone deserves a break.

I am hardwired to be neurotic, I don’t mean to be, but it just comes along with the “high-strung” gene I’m sure I have. ¬†I spend a lot of time making lists of the things I have to do. ¬†On my way to work I think about anything I’m behind on, the things I need to do before I leave, and the things that I’d like to do if I have time. ¬†On the way home I make a list of things I have to take care of in the house, home work I need to work on with Noodle, dinner, and anything I can fit in before bed. ¬†I keep my days full and busy, and try to stay on top of everything.

The downfall of that is that I end up stressing myself out. ¬†I try and be “supermom” and the house-keeping-nazi. ¬†Things that should be enjoyable, turn into just another chore on a list and by the end of the day I am a big ball of nerves and stressed to the max. ¬†The time I should be taking to myself, I end up trying to cram another errand in, or you know, “I can clean the bathroom real quick”.

So sometimes, once in awhile, I catch myself doing that. ¬†Then, on nights like tonight? ¬†I take a break. ¬†Sometimes I have to remind myself that it’s not horrible to take a night to myself. ¬†So that’s exactly what I’m doing. ¬†If you don’t take a break, you end up driving yourself nuts, and not enjoying the little things. ¬†It’s not worth it.

 

Trust me.

Itchy Witch

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My hands are itching today. ¬†Well not literally, but I feel the need to move. ¬†To do¬†something with this hands o’ mine. ¬†I can’t figure out what to work on though. ¬†I know I have some chores to do, and I want to look into quotes for my bedroom wall (stencil time baby!). ¬†I have 3 or 4 knitting projects to work on, and like 2 more I want to start. ¬†Or I can work on my daughter’s dream catcher. ¬†I’ve already colored in the coloring book until Nood kicked me out because I didn’t color in the lines ONCE. ¬†My dogs don’t want to play anymore, and I’ve hung up all the pictures I have and re-arranged the crap in Noodle’s room twice.

Why are my hands so antsy!?

Most likely it’s just because of the season change. ¬†I always get really odd with crafts and projects once the temperature drops. ¬†The bonus of that? ¬†I make a ton of stuff for people at Christmas, and my house gets a make-over. ¬†Again. ¬†I think I drive the boyfriend mad with it all, but he tolerates it and that’s a bonus. ¬†He only starts to show boredom and thoughts of self-annihilation after the first hour in the craft store. ¬†I have to give him credit though, I only last 20 minutes in the video game store. ¬†So fair enough, here’s your gasoline, boy.

When Ryan and I first started dating, there was that queer moment where I wondered if he’d make fun of me because I knit. ¬†I have that moment every once in awhile with friends too, but it passes. ¬†For some reason, with boyfriends, I’ve always been more shy. ¬†I remember he came over once when I was working on Noodle’s blanket, and at the sound of the motorcycle I froze. ¬†I remember looking at the yarn in my hands and wondering if I could drown myself in my coffee. ¬†He walked through the door, glanced at me and started explaining he was going to cook dinner. ¬†Didn’t even noticed I was doing something non-knitters consider only for 80 year old grandmas. ¬†He doesn’t care, if anything I spend more time explaining different stitches and how to weave in alternate colors. ¬†As gay as it is, if we’re watching a movie or talking or something and I’m knitting, he ends up holding the skien more often than not and I laugh. ¬†It’s a preview of the future minus the wrinkles and saggy balls.

Knitting, Crochet and other handmade crafts mean alot to me. ¬†There’s a significant amount of time and effort I put into each project, so that means, if they are gifts that they only go to people I care about, people I know understand what went into each project. ¬†More times than not, if you make fun of me for knitting, then after you see my work, no, I will not be making you that beanie/gloves/scarf/pillow. ¬†Tough shit. ¬†You get a gift card to starbucks. ¬†With 20 cents less than what a latte costs on it. :)

So I think I’m going to work on my own scarf and finish up a co-workers. ¬†We have errands to run this morning, and I’m going to enjoy my down time a little bit longer before we head out. ¬†I hope everyone has a great weekend. ¬†Don’t kill anyone, do anything dumb, and no, I don’t have bail money.