The END of a Sentence

Standard

So as most of you know, last year I had gotten myself a DUI.  45 days later, August 25th, my license was suspended.  Since then I’ve been driving with a Baiid Device in my car.  It was originally for 6 months, but I violated it and it was extended to 9 months.  Lesson learned… the next morning you are still drunk.  Anyway, so the time is about to come to an end.  This Friday I get my license back, and shortly after I get the Baiid Device removed from my car.

When I first had the device put in my car I was honestly really annoyed.  The problem I saw with it is not only can you not drive drunk (obviously), but you can’t drink at all… and if you do, you have to be very careful that your BAC is under .005 before you try to drive.  Now those of you who know my family, we’re a wine at dinner kind of people.  Or a beer at the lake.  All of those were off limits to me.  I was annoyed, but grateful to have my driving privileges back.  I thought I’d just count down the days, hate every day of it, and then be done.

You know what?  It wasn’t that bad, and all in all I have to give the device a good review.  I learned a lot from it, a lot more than I thought I would anyway.  For instance, you are still not okay to drive the morning after drinking (and subsequently I found out if a girl gets hammered at night, she usually has alcohol in her system until around 5pm the next day).  I learned that 1 beer and 1 hour is pretty much right, and more than that and you are not legally not safe.  I realized how many times I had put myself (and others at risk) not only of bodily harm but of getting a DUI.  There were many a nights where if I was too shitfaced to drive, I hopped in the car with someone who was driving… and thinking back on it… had a few drinks before hand.  I learned it was actually easier to take a cab to and from a night out, instead of dealing with the hoopla of “Are you SURE you’re sober?”.  I learned that a lot more people drive drunk than I even realized.

The two most important things I learned?  Oh yeah, epiphany coming here.  I learned I drank too much, too frequently and it changed my behavior to something I didn’t like.  That first month I wasn’t allowed to drive I really wanted to go out… as the month passed I realized that (while okay for others) my want to go out once a week was too much for me.  I started to think about why I wanted to go out, what good I would get out of it and why I wanted to drink.   What it came down to was I wanted to go out because I saw it as a break from my daughter, since my divorce I had been a single parent and the world rested on my shoulders.  Going out with my friends and having a few drinks was how I was coping with the stress of all of that, not to mention being sick.  I had a lot of fun, I did, but what I had to figure out was why I didn’t want to be at home.

This whole time Ryan and I haven’t gone out much, just a few times here and there.  Mostly because it became a hassle and we didn’t feel like dealing with it.  So we spent a lot of weekends at home this past weekend and I learned something doing so.  As the time progressed, we spent more and more time at home, we watched movies, had friends over, did special things things for our kids and had dinners to ourselves.  We worked on my house and made quite a few memories doing it.  As the time passed I learned why I didn’t want to spend time at home.  My home didn’t feel like a home.  Up until last summer, things were always dramatic at my house.  Of course the divorce and following restraining order, but also a traumatic relationship and my Crohns flaring not once but three times.  Home was where I was alone to think, and home was where I had to face my demons.  I was too busy facing said demons and trying to escape them to even consider my house a home. Once Ryan and I started dating I wasn’t alone with my thoughts anymore, I didn’t spend what time I had at home over-thinking things as well as the future, I had someone to talk about everything with.  I had someone to share my thoughts with, and I had someone who had similar thoughts.  So as time passed, things came out in the open, and I was able to lighten up a bit.  I didn’t need to go out and get loaded to feel carefree, all I needed was someone to talk to and a cup of coffee.  Once things came out it was easier to relax, it was easier to enjoy my house and my life and make those memories.  With all of that time, all of those memories, I made my house a home.

Things have progressed quite well these past handful of months, and now this suspension is coming to an end.  I’ve learned a lot and I’m sure I have a lot more to learn.  Am I done drinking?  No.  I’m sure we’ll still out once in a while and get drunk and dance like monkeys.  I’m sure I’ll have that glass of wine with dinner at my Dad’s house.  Now though?  Now I don’t NEED to get loaded to have fun.  I don’t WANT to go out constantly (ha, if at all, Sarah finally turned into a homebody).  I learned what a risk it is, not only to myself, but to my friends, family and relationships.

Sure, I wish I never got that damned DUI, but honestly, if I didn’t, things would be much different now.  I’m not quite sure I ever want to know how that would turn out.  So in a way, I’m glad it happened.  That stupid DUI changed my life, and it changed my life for the better.  I can only hope life continues to be great, that I continue to be happy, and that things keep working out.  I’m happy, and it’s almost painful to admit, but the DUI and facing the resulting (or always there but hidden) demons gave me this chance to turn things around and be happy with my life.  Everyone needs a second chance, and I’m glad I got mine.

 

 

Not only that, but I might miss that device a little bit.  I named him Sammy… and what will I ever do with out that thing beeping for attention and distracting me from my music.  :)

Advertisements

Life is like a bottle of whiskey

Standard

Crazy.  It’s been simply crazy.  To say I’m looking forward to things getting smoother is an under-statement.  At the same time, relaxing after work with a hot cup of coffee, looking forward to stuffed pork chops that the boyfriend is making for dinner… is well… happiness.  I guess all the chaos is eventually going to calm down, and I’ll be left with these moments.

So we’re mostly unpacked here at the house.  The house is in order minus a bag (the size of my goddamned self) of tupperware and some of the older short one’s toys.  I must say, it looks quite nice in here.  We ended up pitching a bunch of my stuff and moving some of his stuff into storage, needless to say we now have his nice couches and tables/bed/dresser in my house… and… wait for it… his (almost) brand new stove!  Ha.  As a thank you for him installing that, I made BBQ pork ribs once it was in.  Having the house pretty much set definitely calms down my nerves.

Other than that, just trying to get things in order.  Ry and I are both working on our past legal problems.  We both have DUI’s and both of them need to be finished up.  Thankfully I was smart enough to get almost everything taken care of for mine, the last bit of it is the Victim Impact Panel which I have scheduled for Wednesday this week.  Ryan is most of the way through his classes and is working on his community service (thank god I didn’t blow a high amount… I was rated a minimal risk, so only got 10 hrs of class, no community service, and a reduced fine).  I am turning in my payment to get my license back tomorrow and I’ll be rid of the baiid device next month. Beyond that, getting new tires for the hoopty I’m driving.  I’ve decided to keep stashing away money to get a nicer car than originally intended.  Might as well, I’m sure I can keep the Altima alive for a bit longer. :0) All I need right now is a tune up, and we already tuned up the bike for this summer so that is all taken care of.

The House?  Well, the house is coming together nicely, I feel all adult like haha.  We spent Sunday out in the yard.  Put the new lawn mower (thanks Dad!) together and away, planted my new rose bushes and bleeding heart plants right along side of my lilies and hastas.  Once we put together our new lawn furniture and hung the baskets of flowers up I nearly fell over at how nice the yard is looking.  Not a whole lot is on the to-do list for the house at the moment.  There is still 2 bedrooms to paint, but other than that and hanging up some candles it’s all set.  The next big project is building my deck, which will come later this spring.

Other than all of that nonsense, I’ve set a few new “goals” so to speak for myself.  The biggest one is to get back into reading, with as hectic these last few months have been I haven’t been reading much lately.  I have 4 books on my to-read list.  The second biggest one?  Working on my book.  I started writing a while ago, a friend of mine finally pushed me far enough that I’m going to give it a go.  I’m not releasing it until it’s done, and with the help of an editor friend of mine and self-publishing, I should be good to go when the time comes.  Writing is my world, and I’ve been told, especially for my short stories (which most of you haven’t had to bear) that I should just give it a go.  So I am.  :) Even if I decide in the future to keep my book to myself, I enjoy the writing itself.  So it’s a win- win.

Sorry for the bland post everyone!  It’s been so crazy I haven’t had time to be pissed off, much less rant about something (besides some of the republican candidates… but I’ll keep that to myself for now haha).  Hope everyone is well, and many a beer will be had for you all this weekend.  :)

 

Stand. By. Me.

Standard

There is one thing I’m not.  I’m not a doormat… pertaining to anything and everything.  I have my opinions, I have my wants, needs and loves.  Just like I have my dislikes and hates.  I’m not one to sway one way or another because of someone else’s opinion/guilt trip/want.  That’s just the way I am.  As far as I’m concerned… either get used to it or take a walk… down Waukegan Pier… past the light house.

The current situation.  Was invited to go bar-hopping on St. Patty’s day.  A couple of years ago? (You know, when I was 21 and had money to blow) Sure.  Now?  Not so much.  My friend wants to take a train with a bunch of other people and hit every bar from Des Plaines here (45 minute train ride).  Then back.  Then crash at another friends house.  I don’t want to go.  Why?

Lack of money: I’d have to get an all night sitter, have money for drinks, train ticket, and cab if need be (because come one now… nothing is more difficult than herding a crowd of drunk people on a train).

Sleeping at a strangers house:  I’m not fond of it.  I can’t sleep in an unfamiliar place and don’t particularly want to sleep at someone I’ve never met’s house.  I tend to feel like hell in the morning (Crohns) and would like to be in the privacy of my own house.  That leads us to…

The Baiid Device:  I will not drive my car even after one beer.  I made the mistake once and got in a decent amount of trouble… for blowing the following morning after drinking.  I don’t even risk it… if I drank the night before, my car is out of commission until the next evening.  Simple as that.  If I get a violation, that baiid device is in my car for another 3 months or removed.  Sorry, no amount of fun will make me go out…. sure I can be the DD, but a car load of drunk people?  Nah.  I’m good.

Last but not least?  Bar-hopping:  You know, it’s fun if it’s local.  Or in Chicago.  No worries about a train or what not… even more so if you have a cab home.  Even then, maybe 2 bars.  I’m not huge on going in a bar for 45 minutes… having a drink… having a bit of fun and then bam… back on the train/cab/car to the next one.  What can I say… I just don’t enjoy it.  Never really have.  I’d rather just go to my local bar or a pub to shoot some pool.

At first I felt a bit bad.  My friend pulled a guilt trip about how they never suggest anything to do.. how I haven’t met any of their friends… blah blah.  You know, I always thought that if someone was a good friend, cared about you even, they would respect your decisions.  If they don’t agree, maybe trying to argue a bit… but a guilt trip?  About something I can’t afford/risk/don’t want to do?  That kind of hurts. It bugs me a bit to be honest.

But whatever.  If I go out for St. Pat’s, I’ll go local.  With people I know.  For a handful of hours.  Then sleep in my own bed.  Thanks but no thanks.

Coffee and Cigarettes. Just where I’m supposed to be.

Standard

I just sat down and did my finances, and by far that was the most painful good bye to my money I have done yet.  It feels good to finally be getting ahead, but good lord being an adult sucks sometimes.

It’s tax return season!  I got mine done and after writing off my interest on my house, medications, child care and soul I got a pretty good chunk back.  I thought of a million things I could buy myself and Noodle, shortly after that though I thought of a million and one things I could pay off.  I did make it a point to have one day of spoiling though, and to buy myself something nice.

Noodle and I went out and got our hair cut, her first professional cut!  Unbelievable that she went with out a real hair cut for 4.5 years, minus one impromptu cut at home.  I was nervous at first, but turns out she had a blast!  She got a nice trim and blow-dry and loved every second of it.  I definitely have a little girl.  After that we all went out to eat and then shopping for me.  I got myself a new laptop.  FINALLY.  The last one I bought was when I first started school, oh I don’t know, 5 years ago?  It held up a long time for a $300 laptop.  In the last year or so, the powercord went out, the keyboard is missing keys, the built in mouse broke… plus just general lagging and so forth.  I had a few friends try to revive it a few times, but it was just time.  So I finally bought myself, for the first time since I’ve been divorced (and far before) something more than a pair of jeans.  I definitely had a hard time handing over my card at the register, but you know what?  I scrimp and save for bills and doctors, and to give my Noodle whatever she wants, it was time for my once-every-5-years present for myself.  Haha.

Unfortunately though the rest has to go to bills.  I signed away my money to owed utilities, mortgage payment, and credit card balances.  Plus a good 1/3 of it is going to my remaining DUI fines.  (Never again folks, a DUI is a very expensive night)  So even though I am ahead, yet back to my budgeted spending money, I feel great! It feels great to get things paid and money put towards savings.  Hopefully this year is the year I stay ahead (since the DUI took that extra last year).

So the last gifts I got for Noodle were on my lunch break today.  I stopped at the kids store and got her a new pair of monkey pjs and wait for it… wait for it… Mr. Potato Head!  Holy shit!  I forgot that they even still made those, and she’s absolutely ballistic that she has a toy “Mommy played with when she was a little girl”.  That and her batteries for that little kids laptop thingy. Oi.

So for now, back to the budget, (with hopefully extra money for savings from our new bonus plan at work) and back to responsible spending.  I am grateful for the break in financial hell though.

Honest to freaking god, it feels like the world finally decided to get off my shoulders.

Glass Half full? Maybe of Whiskey? Cyanide?

Standard

I was always the girl who thought the glass was half empty.  Actually, fuck that.  The glass was empty, I drank it all, lets break the glass! My view was pretty much – if you expect the worst, when things go your way you’re thrilled.  Things had gone wrong for so long, that I just expected the worst.

Looking back, I’m pretty sure that mindset was fueling my anxiety disorder.  I would think of all the things on my plate and automatically assumed that the worst would happen.  Then I’d proceed to get worked up about it and then break down.  No, not healthy in the least, but that’s how I’ve been for years, and I never made an attempt to change it.  Why bother?  No matter how hard I work, I may get my desired end result, true, but along the way? It’s going to suck.

Like I said, glass fucking empty.

Then apparently there was a switch in my life.  I’m not sure what it was, but I’ve got a sneaking suspicion that it’s a combo between my health, meeting Ry, and my family.  Regardless, I started waking up happy on a daily basis.  I started smiling through out the day, I started chasing my hopes and dreams with a new energy that I didn’t recognize.

Today, while on my way to the DMV, I was listening to some of my favorite tunes and just singing along.  I eventually spaced out and started thinking about what I had to do.  All the things on my plate and the obstacles I face.  I thought about the remaining court date (to wrap up the DUI).  I thought about my bills.  I thought about the work I needed to do on the house.  I thought about my car’s current problem.  I thought about my declining health and the meds I’m on now.  All of that though? Fleeting.  My answer to every single one of those?  Those of you that know me from years past, hell even last year will shit yourself.

Each one of those I answered with “I’ll figure it out, I always do.  It’ll be alright.” and that was the end of it.  That was the end of the train of thought.  Sure I have game plans on it, but for once I wasn’t dwelling on everything.  I just placed my faith in the idea that things will be okay, one way or another, and moved on.  That.  That right there.  Positivity.  I think after all these years, my glass is half full.

In all due reality, things really aren’t that bad.

I mean sure, I have some financial problems at the moment, but who doesn’t in this economy.  Now that I have my car back I can be at work as much as possible, not to mention save at least $100 a paycheck on transportation.

My health? Well, the Crohns is far from in check, but as you all know I’m getting infusions and taking 6mp to help boost that.  The side effects?  They suck, but it’s better than prednisone, and I’m sure I’ll start to feel better soon.  My hair is starting to thin, but I’m praying that it won’t get too bad, but it seems to be a common side-effect of the 6mp (and sometimes Remicade), and as I told Ry, my genetics graced me with too-thick hair, so I’ve got quite a bit to spare.

The DUI? Pretty much done.  I’m driving again, the last court date is coming up and that part of my life is slowly moving behind me.  I am grateful it happened though, it taught me a lot about friends and taught me to appreciate my house more.  Not to mention showed me to really watch what I do, .082 can really mess up a persons life.  One of the best life lessons I have had yet.

Noodles dad?  I reached out, I emailed his sister, my friend emailed his girlfriend.  He knows that we’re looking for him and I’ve filed for child support.  The rest is out of my hands.  I did some thinking on that and I’m really glad he’s gone and I hope he stays gone.  He’s no good and a bad influence, not to mention Noodle doesn’t need a Dad to pop in when he feels like it, or when his loses a girlfriend who will stop giving him a free ride.  I seriously hope we never hear from him again.  I feel horrible for Noodle’s loss, but we’re both better off with out him.

Life is hectic, sometimes when things get a little crazy, we tend to forget the good things we have in our lives.  I try and do my best to remember them daily, but even with that effort, I still find myself taking things for granted.

I need to remember to be grateful for the job I have.  The pay is enough to get by on, and I wake up in the morning and don’t dread going to work.  Sure there is tough days, but I spend the majority of my time there smiling or laughing for whatever reason.  I have  job, much more importantly a job I like which is extremely rare in this economy.  I’m going on 6 months there this next month, and I hope to spend many more there.

I have a wonderful family.  I have the support on all ends from my Dad, Step-ma, and siblings.  I don’t see them nearly as much, but since they’re cook-county dwellers, I’ll let that slide.  I’m lucky to have family that cares enough to read my blog and lurk my facebook.  I lucky I have such a great group of people who love me.

On that note, over these past few months, I’ve really figured out who my friends are.  Thinned the herd so to speak, and I love each one of those relationships like no tomorrow.  From my girls all over the continent (CafeMom), to my friends who are too far to do anything  but call.  To my friends who stop over for coffee, and my friends who have helped me out for no other reason than to be a good person.  I cherish each and every one of them.

Ry. Welp. You all saw the break-fast in bed blog.  I have a boy who spoils the ever living christ out of me, a boy who doesn’t seem phased by all my health problems.  I have a boy who makes me happy. ‘Nuff said.  (Reference this blog when they find his body somewhere… INNOCENT I SWEAR :D)

Of course, I have my daughter.  Who is currently curled up on my couch watching Fraggle Rock (thanks Beckie!).  She is my world, she annoys the crap out of me on a daily basis, but she’s half of me… we knew that would happen!  Her hug and “I love you mama” at the end of each night is why I push so hard at life.  :)

See?

Lucky.

Positive?

So much so that I’m making myself nauseous.

Skittles

Standard

Sitting in my kitchen, wrapped up in a huge fuzzy robe that Ry gave me, thinking.  That and listening to the mutt chase her own tail.  It’s been one hell of a day, and I have a lot of random shit on my mind so I’m just trying to chill out before I go lay down for the night.

So I drove my car today, for the first time in a month.  Yup, you heard right, the almighty creep is mobile yet again.  After work today I went and had the Baiid Device installed in my car.  The little thing is actually pretty cool, the only part you see is the actual part you breath into, and it’s about the size of a old-school Nokia phone.  I drilled the installer on how it works and different facts on it because quite frankly, I think it’s pretty interesting.  Regardless of my nerd tendencies, that little tiny hand held machine is allowing me to drive again which is a plus.

On that same note, I was thinking about it earlier, the month’s suspension went by really quick and for the most part (minus the ride fiasco with Jason and Tracie) I only had one issue with not having a license.  The Grocery store.  I am a foodie at heart and randomly want to cook things, usually things that don’t make much sense and that contain ingredients that I don’t have on hand.  So that was a pain in the ass, not being able to run to Jewel and grab some stuffs, but other than that?  I honestly enjoyed most of it.  It took a lot of pressure off of me to go out on the weekends, run not-needed errands and not having to worry about gas or mechanical issues with the hoopty.

Getting back in my car this afternoon amped up my stress level almost immediately, but I figured whatever. I picked up the Nood and headed home to shower and back out to Ry’s house since I hadn’t been there in a while.  While it was nice to let the kids play an of course get some attention from The Boy, I found myself just wanting to be at home.  I know some of it is from feeling like crap today (Crohns is acting up) but some part of me wonders if maybe being car-less made me appreciate my own house a bit more.  Something most definitely worth some more thought.

Either way, I’m home now, relaxing and planning on calling it an early night.  I’m pretty sure the 6mp I’ve started is wearing me down a bit, the past couple of days have really dragged and I just feel out of it.  Blah.

In other news, I got to take a peek at the ex-husband’s facebook via a friend’s today.  It’s nice to see that while he hasn’t contacted his daughter since Father’s day, much less paid his child support that he still rocks a picture of him and her… from 08. That really irked me, it makes me wonder what he’s telling people.  I’d put money on “Sarah’s a bitch and won’t let me see Noodle.”  Either way, E friended his new girlfriend.  Looks like I called it ladies and gentlemen.  He truly did family-hop again.  From what we can tell he lives with her and her kids, is unemployed and is spending a fair amount of time partying.  I called it, Tim saw a free ride and jumped on it… like he’s done a few times already.  So much for “I’m going to work in a tattoo shop, live with my buddy and I’ll come back in a few months.” not to mention “I’ll call Noodle constantly, I’m not leaving her behind.”  I just rolled my eyes so hard I gave myself a migraine.

So you know what?  Since Tim has disconnected his phone, blocked me from his fb and doesn’t call, I emailed his sister asking for contact information and explaining, briefly, that we haven’t heard from him since Father’s Day.

I want to get a hold of him and see if he’s just going to permanently stay out of Noodle’s life.  At this point, that’s what I want.  I don’t want him popping in and out between girlfriends/free rides, that’s what he does, and I refuse to let him screw with Noodle’s mind like that.  I’d rather him stay away while she’s young so she can lead a somewhat normal childhood.

Either way though, I want to know what’s going on.

I also printed out the paperwork to file for child support/assistance.  It’s about time.  Tim hasn’t helped out besides once since we split… in 2009, and you know what?  Noodle is his kid too, regardless of whether or not he feels the need to see her.  His facebook had too many comments about partying for me to feel pity, if you can afford to buy a girl a bottle of jameson, you can afford to pay your court-ordered child support.  Christ, he’s only ordered to pay $75 a month anyway, only a dead beat would flake out and not pay on that.

So it’s time to kick his ass into gear legally.  I’m sending off the paperwork tomorrow morning and stopping at the courthouse hopefully sometime this week.  I am asking for a raise in child support and since he’s also ordered to pay half of childcare (which he’s never done), I want what he owes.  Thankfully for me, I have every single receipt for it, my daycare also has all the copies, apparently they have to print them out quite a bit, when dad’s flake out on helping out the moms.

No more door-mat Sarah.  I did the best I could to help him out, and he still walked away from his kids here to hop on another free ride.  I wish he’d grow up but apparently he’s forgotten he’s now 35.  Shame.  It’s out of my hands now, I’ll let the state handle it.

Sidenote:  I hope this new girl he’s found doesn’t get scammed like me and P did.  I have a feeling that she’s heard the same stories he told me, as well as P.  I have nothing against her, unless she’s encouraging him running from his responsibilities, so I hope she’s smart enough to escape.

On that note, I’m worn out from thinking about it, time to kick back for a few and get ready for bed.

Friday. Totally not the same as Monday.

Standard

What a week.  What a fucking week.  Mine isn’t technically over yet, I still have my last DUI class tomorrow, but then the relaxation starts.  After this week though?  If I wasn’t completely comfy in my kitchen with my tomato soup, grilled swiss cheese sandwich (yes seester dearest, it’s delish!) and the kids in the front room watching a movie I’m pretty sure I’d have killed someone by now.

It’s just been one of those weeks, nothing horrible happened, it was just long and tedious.  Frustrating issues at work, lack of sleep, Crohns still acting up, you know, the little shit that just annoys the crap out of you until you want to throat punch your own grandma.  That aside, I got a lot done this week.  Court, Doctor crap (next week’s going to BLOW), work stuffs, house stuffs, and hashing out some crap in my own head.  Plus I got to spend plenty of time with the boy.  (whom by the way earned himself many a points by cooking me dinner (again) and helping me with odd jobs around the house)

So I think I’ve come to terms with going on Remicade.  My first infusion is scheduled for this coming Wednesday.  I’m still nervous, but I’m okay with it now.  Obviously this is the logical next step.  Pentasa, Entocort, Prednisone, Humira, among others have long stopped controlling my Crohn’s Disease or my fistula.  Diet, Exercise, and lifestyle changes (no, I haven’t managed to quit smoking yet… that’s on the menu as soon as I get my driving privileges back- the week of Sept 24th) do help the Crohn’s disease symptoms, but nothing seems to be healing this fistula.  I’m trying to avoid surgery at all costs, so this is next.  So wish me luck boys and girls!

I’ve also managed to completely get over the whole Tracy and Jason thing.  Sure, I still wish I could get the money they owe me back, it would really help out now, but being angry isn’t going to do anything but waste my time.  I’ve left it up to Karma, I’m a firm believer in it, hence why I spend so much time trying to put good energy out there and not dwell on/or involve myself in the bad.  If you wrong someone or act negatively, it’ll come back to bite you.  It may take a while, but it will.  Hopefully when they have to deal with it they’ll learn a lesson, all I want from them is a tiny ounce of remorse.  Other than that I hope they both get to where they want to be in life.

Other than all of that nonsense I’ve just been living.  Doing my best to plow through this DUI stuff and focus on my life.  Staying in (mostly) has done wonders.  I’ve definitely learned who my real friends are and reinforced those friendships and have gotten a lot of work done on my house.  It’s definitely a bonus that I’ve got to spend plenty of time with Ryan, who I’m sure is getting sick of me, but either way that makes me smile.

You know, I honestly thought I’d *hate* staying in so much and not being able to drive, but quite honestly?  The only thing that I dislike about it is, or rather was, having to worry about my rides to work, but even that has worked out in my favor and I got a friend out of the deal.  I actually look forward to spending my weekends relaxing at home with my kiddo, and have only gone stir crazy once.  If I want out, I can find a ride, in the mean time, I cherishing spending time at home.  I honestly think that once I start driving again in a couple of weeks this trend will continue.  Especially once I go back to school to finish my degree.  I guess in a way this DUI has kind of set me straight.  Or rather made me grateful for the things I do have like my kiddo, good coffee, and a cozy home to come home to (among many other things).  Plus this time at home has been letting me sort through some issues in my own head and decide what paths I want to jog down in life, as in school/career choices, relationships (love and otherwise), and hobbies.  Plus, in another way it’s given me a break from the hustle of my life.  Don’t get me wrong, life is still hectic as all get out, but in a different way.

I don’t know.  I think I sound like a prozac commercial, but in the last few months I’ve been waking up smiling and going to bed smiling.  I’ve got great direction, great people and happiness in my life.  Finally, after all these years, despite things not being perfect, I am at peace.