Don’t be a Douche


So earlier this week I drove over to a Starbucks on my lunch break.¬† I was craving over priced coffee “created” by snobby kids who think the lip piercing on the side and their hipster glasses will help them publish their my-life-is-a-struggle books.¬† Whatevs.¬† To each their own, I wanted a hazelnut macchiato, and goddamnit, if I had to put up with side swept purple bangs on a dude to get it, I’m down with that.¬† Just pass the mother-fucking-coffee please.

Moving on.¬† So I pull up through the drive through (I’m lazy remember?) and place my order.¬† “May I please have a grande hazelnut macchiato?” The girl in the speakerbox said “May I?”¬† I just stared at that stupid box.¬† “I’m sorry hun, I never hear manners like that anymore, I haven’t heard a please in days!”.¬† I joked about my parents beating it into me, and pulled up to get my coffee.¬† Paid, grabbed said coffee, glared at girl with HUGE bleach blonde hair and black eyeliner and thanked the nice girl who had given me my receipt and wasn’t scared to acknowledge another human being.¬† “No seriously, thank you for being polite, I think our generation is the last one with manners, and even we don’t get it right all the time.”¬† (Followed by a glance at blondie.) I thanked her, laughed, and headed back into the office.

It was a simple conversation, something that I surprisingly encounter a lot, and it was over quick.¬† Since then though, it’s been floating in and out of my head.¬† Manners are going by the wayside aren’t they?¬† I mean, I work in customer service, (and have worked in food service, retail, sales, etc etc etc.) and even when I give a customer exactly what they want, a huge chunk of them don’t even mumble a thank you.¬† I hold doors open for people, only to have that same person not even glance at me, and then drop the door on me on the way out.¬† Hell, I apologize if I bump into someone, and say excuse me if I yawn, burp, whatev.¬† WHY IS THAT NOT NORMAL ANYMORE?!¬† What happened to manners?¬† Did our parent’s generation not teach my generation enough?¬† I KNOW the majority of my generation isn’t teaching our children to not be an asshole, so what the fuck?¬† Where did the ball get dropped?

I remember going grocery shopping with my mom when I was a kid.¬† She’d bring my sister and I with if my Dad was still at work.¬† Without fail, every single time, right after we scammed the cookies out of the bakery lady, my sister and I would start bickering.¬† As soon as one of us raised our voices… Whaaapp!¬† Right upside the back of my head.¬† Followed by “No yelling, it’s rude, you don’t yell in a store.”¬† — Fast forward about 18 years, I was in a grocery store with a friend, he was heading down the isle to grab something we needed for dinner, and I yelled “Grab some eggs too!” and promptly ducked my head from the incoming smack and then apologized to the people near me for yelling.

What happened to that?¬† Seriously, why did I get a dirty look from some 20 something year old mom with a baby for telling my kid to settle down and not to be loud in K-mart yesterday?¬† What the fuck people?¬† When did being an asshole become accepted… why aren’t YOU teaching your kids not to be assholes?¬† To say please and thank you?¬† To not run around a public place basically broadcasting “I’m a big giant asshole here to give you a headache and teach you that rude can come in a 3ft size package.”

It pisses me off to no end.  If I run and hold a door for you and your 8 children, a simple thank you is required.  Just like when your small one bowled over my child and I tripped on his little snot coated self, I apologized.  If someone gives you something, does something for you, or is generally nice, SAY THANK YOU.  If you want something say PLEASE.

Oh, and while we’re on topic.¬† “Can I get a [Insert Object Here]?” is not the proper way to ask for something.¬† Try “May I have [¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† ] please?¬† Seriously, the CanIgetA—– makes you sound uneducated and rude… just rephrasing makes all the difference.

Ugh. So yeah.¬† Since everyone is being rude, maybe I’ll just be that rude asshole who walks around CORRECTING your manners.¬† That sounds like it could be fun.

And to think I need to go to Walmart today.  Ha.




Expectations are a Bitch and a Half


I am the ultimate pessimist. ¬†I am. ¬†I’ve been a raging-skull-punch-you-on-the-way-down pessimist as long as I can remember. ¬†I always explain it like this: Hope for the best but always assume it won’t happen because life sucks and you should just get a helmet. ¬†Sometimes, always expecting the negative in a situation bums me out and irritates people but you know what? ¬†Screw off, there is a perk!! ¬†If you expect nothing to happen, or plan for worst case scenario, when things¬†do go your way it’s even better!

Ie:  Holding out for a new position at work.

Expectation: My ass getting canned and THEN denied unemployment.

Reality: Received promotion and desk with sparkles in it. ¬†(You can’t beat sparkles.) (Stop laughing.)

Being a pessimist has almost become a safety blanket for me. ¬†It’s just one more way I protect myself from getting hurt or upset when shit hits the fan… you know, because I expected it to, so I was prepared.

The only catch is is that people are not included in this mess of a safety net. ¬†For some reason, my hopes expectations of people are just as high as I have set for myself. ¬†This includes everyone, I’m talking from my neighbors to my boyfriend, from my kid to the little shit who lives 5 houses down. ¬†Everyone. ¬†Yes. ¬†I’m talking about you. ¬†I’m talking about family, I’m talking about doctors, I’m talking about co-workers, I’m talking about that kid who changed my oil last weekend. ¬†I’m talking about the lady who owns the laundry mat all the way to the got-damned President of the United States. ¬†I’m also talking about the person who is criticizing¬†the fuck out of me for my run-on sentences. ¬†Yes, you too asshole. ¬†I have high-ass expectations for all of you.

“Oh but Sarah, you can’t expect that out of me?! ¬†It’s to harrrd!”

Bite me. ¬†You’re talking to a Single-Mom (not-even-child-support. Nada from the Dad.) who has been suffering with “Moderate to Severe” active Crohns Disease for 6 (5 diagnosed) years. ¬†I went from working 2 restaurant/bar gigs AND odd jobs to an office job all the while trying *not* to die or live in the hospital. ¬†Throw in some domestic abuse, a failed marriage, and sprinkle some good old anxiety and depression on top. ¬†If I can do it, you can do it.

My life isn’t easy, and it’s not the hardest out there, but if I can live up to my expectations of what a person should be, how they should act, then so can you.

It’s not even that my expectations are phenomenal or anything, I always thought they were run-of-the-mill. ¬†Yet, time and time again I am informed that I expect too much.

Too much?  Maybe.

I expect you to not be an asshole.  No seriously.  Just stop being an asshole to everyone.  How about instead of copping an attitude at everyone who looks your way, you can try to say something nice to them or *gasp* try and help another human being with something.

I expect you to be polite and have manners. ¬†(Half of you just choked.) ¬†(Good.) ¬†I am one of the first people to laugh at or crack a horrible blow-job joke. ¬†I am. ¬†However, I hold the door for people coming out after me. ¬†If someone drops something, I try and pick it up for them. ¬†If I bump into someone, I apologize. ¬†Christ people, it’s not that hard. ¬†You walk past someone you smile and say “Hey” or do that stupid head nod thing that people do. ¬†Oh and two words. ¬†“Please” and fucking “Thank you” <- I especially expect children to say it. (I had two little girls, aged 4, in my office today while their mom was with my co-worker. ¬†They said Please and Thank You for every single crayon I gave them, they even said it to *each other* as they fought over who got to draw with the purple-sparkle pen. ¬†If two little girls can say it, so can grown ass people.)

Work. ¬†If you’re over the legal age to work, I expect you to work. ¬†I don’t care what the hell you do, I don’t. ¬†I just expect you to do it, do it well and not be fucking lazy. ¬†I get it, people have lazy days, most days I decided I’d rather go back to bed before I even leave my bed. ¬†That doesn’t excuse you from doing your damned job. ¬†I’ve also done the dead-end job thing. ¬†I know that if you work hard sometimes it just doesn’t get you anywhere. ¬†My examples: ¬†Jiffy Lube, all 3 greek restaurants I worked at, Elder-care (promotion wise), most retail, the majority of sales (small ticket items), etc. ¬†You know why you should work hard? ¬†Just in case. ¬†Just in case you might get a chance at a different position or a promotion. ¬†Because you should work to *earn* your money, not mooch it. ¬†Also you have to work with other people, so this resorts back to “not being an asshole”. ¬†Don’t make your co-workers days hell. ¬†Work. ¬†It’s called “work-ethic” and you should have it, more importantly we should instill it in our children.

I expect you to be educated. ¬†I’m not talking about college, I’m not even talking about high school. ¬†I expect you to know what’s going on around you in the world, to care what’s happening to other people. ¬†I expect you to have an opinion, even if it differs from mine. ¬†I expect you to pay attention to something beyond the new trinket you just bought. ¬†There is important stuff going on in our world right now, I don’t expect you to be aware of everything, or know every minute detail, because I sure don’t… but I expect a decent attempt. ¬†I want people to have a brain of their own, not to be a mindless sheep. ¬†Why? ¬†Stupid people piss me off. ¬†So don’t be stupid. ¬†Borrow a book, read a newspaper. ¬†You know, Yahoo! has news and Google isn’t just there to look up porn. ¬†Use your brain.


I’m not saying you have to be perfect. ¬†I’m not. ¬†I’m far fucking from it. ¬†Sometimes I smoke too much, sometimes I snap at people through out the day because I’m cranky. ¬†Sometimes while you’re talking I imagine strangling you so you stop rambling on about your new manicure. ¬†I have lazy days and I have “Do I really have to put on pants??” days. But I try to be a good person, I try to be nice and¬†courteous, I try to do my job to the best of my ability and I try to be aware and active in the world around me. ¬†That’s all I’m asking of other people, just do it. ¬†I’m a pessimist a million and one days out of a million and two. ¬†I am an optimist when it comes to other people. ¬†If you fuck-heads take that away from me, imagine how miserable I am going to make the world around me. (ha)


At least try not to be an asshole. ¬†That’s a start.