Strawberry Ale

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Saturday night, day one of a much needed three day weekend.  Monday, I am off work… initially it was out of necessity.  It’s Columbus Day (aka: lets-celebrate-genocide-day), so the kid doesn’t have school… and on the major school holidays, daycare is closed.  So I requested the day off, because being myself, I don’t have many other options for childcare.

Either way, as the days counted down to this weekend, work got more and more stressful.  Each day that inched by, the more depressed I got.  The more anxious, the more upset.  It’s just been… hellish, especially after working late nights for god knows how long.  Friday, I lost it.  I finally found out what burnt out feels like, I thought I had experienced it before, but quite honestly I hadn’t.  Every little thing was setting me off into tears, I felt like I was on the borderline of an anxiety attack all day.  (Hello, new prescription.)  It was one of those days where I had to go outside, and solidly convince myself that deep down I *do* like my job, and that while my paycheck is no longer 100% needed, I like having that income.

It was bound to happen.  I knew it was coming, and quite frankly, I’m surprised it came with tears instead of screaming and storming out.  Friday straight up blew.  However though, when I’m stressed I tend to say what I mean, instead of sugar coating it, so I got some of my thoughts off my chest.  Despite the tears, at the end of the day, I actually felt better.  On the drive home, I thought about what I wanted out of life, out of work and out of my home.  I put some priorities in order, and let me just tell you this: my family comes first.  Hearing my boyfriends views on it, and knowing I have his support regardless of what I do with work helps.

Cue: Weight off my shoulders.

So, this weekend, I’m taking for my family.  This Monday is a Noodle+Me day.  I’m enjoying every minute of it.  I know that I have some work I really should get to, especially with corporate coming in next week.  This weekend though?  I’m not doing it.  I’m not checking emails, faxes, lates or anything.  I need this, and I need time.

Today wasn’t quite fun filled with the morning dentist appointment, but watching scary movies with the short one this afternoon was nice.  Right now, I’m relaxing with a Strawberry Ale (mighty tasty I might add) and writing.. while fending off complaints from the child that she lost her charger for her tablet.  Tomorrow?  I don’t know what’s going on, but I know I’m spending my morning in bed until I feel ready to get up… and the day?  Relaxing.  Monday?  I think a bike ride with the kid, and lunch out.

Moral of the last week (year)… family and self comes first.

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Basically Rambling

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I am finally relaxing.  As I posted earlier, we bought a new (to us) washer, and of course I had to wash every little bit of clothes I owned.  Haha, let me just nominate myself for the lame-adult-of-the-year award.  The kid and I colored with some chalk, and after her bath, we made a pizza.  Thursday nights we usually do a one on one dinner, which she gets a kick out of.  Always nice to actually get some alone time with the kid and talk with her.  She’s a really bright kid, and the conversations we have always amaze me.  We talked today about money (and how things cost money so we have to save for bigger purchases) and about camp and what she likes about it so far.  I’m pretty impressed with my little one.

It’s almost Friday thank God.  It’s been a long couple of weeks.  Work has just been crazy, with the exception of today, and with the fight with my family member, it’s been pretty high stress.  Now that everything is over, my anxiety has calmed down.

I’m finally getting caught up on some work that I fell behind on with my day off on Tuesday, and I feel like I actually got something accomplished.  I’m very numbers driven, so being able to see what I’ve done each day really helps.  Hopefully things continue to calm down at work, I’m starting to feel a bit burnt out with everything.  I just keep reminding myself that it’s the season… as a coworker says, it seems like everything implodes in the summertime.

As for the fight with my family member.  I was able to text what I really wanted to say, (once I wasn’t so angry, just hurt) and for once I wasn’t interrupted.  I hope that she read it and took it to heart.  I haven’t heard from her since and I noticed that she blocked me on Facebook.  That’s fine I guess.  After talking with my Dad, and then with the boyfriend, I’ve definitely made the decision to cut ties.  If she hadn’t said certain things I might have let it blown over, but unfortunately once words leave your mouth, it can’t be unsaid.  Frankly, even if I did change my mind, I don’t think the boyfriend will… from what I understand his family is pretty upset too.  It looks like with a couple of hurtful comments, a wedge may have been driven between the two families.  Sad.  Like I was saying, I’m glad it’s over.  I’m slightly upset still, but mostly relieved.  I was able to say what I’ve been wanting to say for months, and I found out how she really feels about my disease/job/family/life.  So not only did I get what I needed to off my chest, but I was able to inadvertently find out who is toxic to me and who I need to keep away from my kiddo.   It’s odd, I feel in a way… lighter.

Beyond all that, I’m just doing the thing.  I’ve been feeling pretty run down lately, but I honestly think it’s mostly stress (which hopefully should lessen now) and oddly enough, dehydration.  It’s been pretty warm here, and with being sick, I get pretty dehydrated pretty fast.  So water and tea it is!  It looks like the weather should be cooling down here soon, so forest preserve trips are coming and I think I’m going to finally sign up for a yoga class or something.  I haven’t decided which one, but I think it would be a good (natural) way to bring down my anxiety.  Plus the benefits!  The only other thing that’s on my “personal-for-me-to-do-list” is looking into a bicycle.  I really want a beach cruiser and have for years, but you know how it goes, there’s always another place that money could go.  So I’m going to start saving up a portion of my savings (haha) to put down on a bike, since the kid has learned how to ride her bike good now, I want to be able to go on bike rides with her.  So wish me luck!

 

Anyway, this turned into more of a journal post than I wanted, but I didn’t feel like writing in my physical journal.  My kiddo has fallen asleep on her chapter book, so it’s time to get her in bed.  Happy Friday everyone!

The Weekend

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Welp folks, the weekend is finally here.  It’s Friday afternoon and I feel like I can finally breathe.  It’s been a really long couple of weeks and today is the first day I can really decompress.  This weekend isn’t looking particularly slow either, but I’m making it a point to take care of myself and relax.  

I’m excited that it’s supposed to be warm tomorrow, just in time for Noodle’s friends (and mine too!) to come over! Girl talk, coffee, kids running around, boyfriend at work, lets just say I’m excited.  Beyond that this weekend is going to have a boyfriend-requested sci-fi night, crafts (hey, it’s almost Christmas!) and lots of food and coffee.  Of course I’ll work on the yard (or Ryan will, and I’ll drink coffee and watch if I can get away with it) or do laundry or something  that adult-hood dictates, but only in between putting my feet up and chasing my kid. 

It’s going to be a good weekend, and I hope everyone enjoys it.  Cheers!