Time keeps flying..

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Holy crap, it’s already August! Where did the summer go? Hell, where did the first 8 months of 2016 go? It’s almost time for school to start back up for my little one, and she’s not so little. She’ll be going into 4th grade this year, and it still feels like changing diapers and tying little tiny tennis shoes was just yesterday.

She’s super excited, I can’t blame her. She’s now at the age where picking out school supplies is super fun, as well as new school clothes. She’s looking forward to seeing all of her school friends again and is super excited to see who her new teacher is this year. Here I am, panicking because I have a 9 year old instead of a toddler. I have a 4th grader instead of a pre-schooler. Where did the years go?

Hell, time has flown for me too. In 9 years, I’ve been through 2 major relationships, I’ve bought a house, gotten sicker, and gotten better and all of the nitty gritty in between. It’s been one hell of a ride these past 9 years, hell, most of my life, but what I’ve made of my life makes me proud. It definitely has taken some hard work, and there’s a lot more work to do, but I’m where I feel I need to be at this point.

What’s next? I don’t know. I’m planning on some minor remodeling in my home, it’ll take time, but it’s all things I want to be done. Other than that, just planning on enjoying life a little bit more now. I have the peace I’ve been wanting, it’s about time I take advantage of it.

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Random Ramblings Again

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It’s been so busy here, it’s unbelievable.¬† Here it is, already the middle of June and I am still feeling like it’s the beginning of spring.¬† Of course before I even register that it’s pretty much summer, school will be starting and summer will be over.

I went back to work about 3 weeks after getting out of the hospital.¬† Those 3 weeks at home weren’t exactly bliss.¬† What I was hoping for was 3 comfortable weeks to get back on my feet and spend some time with my kiddo.¬† What was it really?¬† It was filled with both my daughter and I getting a cold (which we both still have coughs from) and what I shall term the never ending headache.¬† (I’ll get to the headache later)

Honestly?¬† Those weeks I learned how inpatient I really am.¬† I do not like the whole “time to heal” bullshit, it’s basically admitting that I need help and downtime.¬† While being at home itself didn’t bother me, I didn’t like that my body couldn’t keep up with what I wanted to do around my house.¬† It was damn hard to sit there and know that chores needed to be done, but I could only do one thing before I wore myself out.

It was nice on one front though, I was able to take my time getting the short one ready for school in the mornings.¬† Eating breakfast was leisurely and filled with chatter.¬† I was able to get her home right after school, so afternoons were spent outside or hanging out together indoors.¬† I’ve only been back at work for just under a month, and I already desperately miss that extra time.

Noodle is perfectly content with going back to full-time daycare now.¬† Her daycare morphs into a summer camp every year (and is still cheaper than most daycares around here).¬† They go to the beach and water park on alternating weeks, and take field trips to go mini-golfing and to different parks around the area.¬† She’s already been to the beach once, to a joint with bowling and one of the many bouncy-house-filled-trampoline-places that have become ever so popular.¬† Summer camp is always so fun for her, while I feel guilty for missing out on time with her because I’m at work, she’s off having a blast!

Like I said though, I’m back to work.¬† It hasn’t been as easy as I thought it would.¬† It’s still taking some time for my brain to catch up on my tasks (which involve dimensions and math at the moment), but I’m getting there.¬† I never really got off of my sleep schedule, so that wasn’t/isn’t a huge issue.¬† The toughest part has been dealing with my apparently numerous health issues while trying to act like nothing is wrong at work.

I had an issue for a couple of weeks with one of my incisions, it kept opening up and was infected for a short bit.¬† Trying to take care of that, while wearing pants (it was right where the waist band sits) and talking to coworkers and customers wasn’t exactly my idea of fun.¬† That and the headache… or headaches… or whatever (again, I’ll get to that), it’s damn near impossible some days.

I feel bad because I know I’ve been snippy towards my coworkers, and I’ve made it a point to apologize and try to keep them in the loop with everything.¬† It’s still not their fault, but sometimes the pain and fatigue is a little much, and they’re in the wrong place.¬† They are basically like an extended part of my family at this point, so hopefully they take my apologies to heart and understand how rough it’s been.

So.. the headaches.¬† In a previous post I mentioned the first headache I got in the hospital.¬† The one that couldn’t be eased even with morphine, dilaudid, and ativan.¬† The one that made me think I was going to die?¬† Well.. apparently that’s part of my life for now.

Shortly after I got out of the hospital, I coughed (remember I got sick?) and BAM! my head exploded.¬† I dropped to my knees just holding my head.¬† 4 hours later and I could function a bit like a human being.. but it left me with a low-to-mid grade headache that never went away.¬† So following the floor doctor’s instructions, I made an appointment with a Neurologist.¬† So for the better part of a month, if not more, I’ve had a headache every day.¬† Some days are worse, some days are tolerable.¬† Some days I am relatively normal?¬† Some days I just cry.

I went in to see my new doctor on Monday.¬† Very, very nice lady, who asked me a bajillion and one questions and preformed a neurological exam.¬† She’s not entirely convinced that the headaches are migraines for a few reasons, the biggest being that when I have a headache, light and sound don’t hurt me.¬† Just motion.¬† She’s trying to figure out what kind of headaches they could be.

However, since the first one I ever had was in the hospital after major surgery, she wants to rule out a blood clot or something along those lines.¬† I had a MRI while I was in the hospital, which was clear for massive clots and tumors, but she wants me to have an MRV and MRA, which are similar but look at the arteries and veins in your brain.¬† That appointment is on Monday.¬† In the meantime, I’m on a headache preventative and I have some pain pills as back up.¬† I know I have to give the medicine time, but seeing as how I had vision changes which bloomed into a huge headache (luckily it popped in my mind that the vision changes I was having might be what’s called an aura… and took a pain pill before the headache hit… so I took the edge off) yesterday, that hasn’t left yet (although it’s a bit better this afternoon), I’m nervous.

To be completely honest, I am just scared that I’m going to end up with another chronic condition.¬† What if I end up having these headaches long term on top of my Crohn’s Disease?¬† I know that I’ll buckle down and make it through, just like I always have, but it’s terrifying to me to have to face something else.¬† I went into surgery with high hopes of an improved quality of life, come out and end up with headaches… and now what seems like Crohns symptoms.

Yeah, I have symptoms that remind me a bit of when I first got sick.¬† Odd stomach pains, running to the bathroom, etc.¬† I hoping it’s really just an oddity, a side effect of surgery.. maybe it’ll go away soon?¬† I’m giving it a little time to see, but then I’ll be calling my GI.¬† I really, truly hope that this isn’t the disease coming back already.

The whole headache/Crohns debacle just really gets to me.¬† Like I said, I let my hopes get really high for this surgery.¬† I’ve been sick (with good days at some points) for 8 years now, I allowed myself to hope that I’d get a break after surgery.¬† Coming out of the whole ordeal with a whole new health problem is… well.. it’s hard.

Honestly this is where I’m thankful for the people around me.¬† For Ry, who’s literally been by my side through all of this, from all the hospital visits to surgery, and now with head/neck massages when I want to crack my own skull in two.¬† I’m thankful for my daughter, who understands that sometimes mommy has to take it slow, and through living with me, has learned a compassion that most kids her age don’t get.¬† Sometimes her hugs and kisses (and HUGE art projects… excuse me, weather machine.. ahem) are just what I need to keep trucking.¬† Hell, I’m thankful for my coworkers who visited me at the hospital, and have been making sure I take care of myself at work.¬† All the way to my neighbors who have helped out all they can.

I did manage to feel pretty good for Noodle’s birthday WEEK though, so that’s a major bonus!¬† Yes, I said week.¬† The kid lucked out this year due to everyone’s schedules kind of colliding.¬† She got one Saturday at Grandma and Grandpas, her birthday at home, and a party with the neighbors the next Saturday.¬† I think my kid is actually sick of cake at this point.¬† She got a lot of great gifts too, I’m super glad she had fun, because she deserves it!

Which reminds me!¬† I got her last report card, and my kid got good marks in everything (except for handwriting… it’s messy).¬† She tested well in math and is super ahead in reading (that’s my gal!!).¬† I am definitely proud of my little monkey and how far she came these past two years.¬† We went from her not wanting to read, claiming she couldn’t, and flat out refusing to read out loud, to reading everything I give her, quickly too.¬† Definitely a proud mama here.

I think that’s enough for tonight though, I had a bunch of thoughts bouncing around in my head.. as you can see my writing is just all over the place.¬† However, if you¬† haven’t noticed, I’m not much one for proofreading, and sometimes I just have to get it out.

I’m off to bed.¬† Goodnight!

Damn Growing Up

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I’m feeling old.

Well kind of. ¬†We all know that I’m pretty much 11 years old mentally.

I still laugh when people say boobs.  Or penis.  Or pretty much any kind of word relating to genetalia.

However, getting my daughter ready for school is kicking my ass back to reality. ¬†She starts 1st grade in 2 weeks… and it’s public school this time so it’s a brand new ball game. ¬†I’ve started school supply shopping and finished taking her to her school physical and dental appointment. ¬†Her bus route is all set to pick up and drop off and “daycare”. ¬†It’s just odd. ¬†Kindergarten didn’t have the same effect on me, she was lucky enough to go to the same school that she went to preschool in, so a lot of this stuff was different. ¬†I guess, just grade school is freaking me out.

She’s excited, and I’m excited for her. ¬†I think she’ll do fine, although I am a bit sad that I won’t be able to wait with her at a bus stop or anything of the sort. ¬†Such is the plight of a working mother. ¬†However, I know all of her teachers at her daycare will see her off. ¬†I’m hoping that she likes her teacher, and thrives.

It’s just like FUCK man! ¬†I know my kid is getting older… I’m well aware, she shot up another 4 inches over the past 6 months. ¬†I think it was looking over the school supply list that did it. ¬†I still remember shopping for school supplies with my mom (in grade school) and my Dad after that. ¬†It occurred to me that, HOLY SHIT, I’m…. I’m…. basically my parents!

It’s surprising the little things that remind me that I’m not 16 anymore. ¬†It’s not paying the (goddamned) mortgage, or my insurance. ¬†Fuck, it’s not even looking over my retirement fund. ¬†It’s not managing my Infusions and doctor’s appointments, nor is it working on the yard. ¬† It’s the school supplies. ¬†It’s the “No you can’t wear my undies on your head… and you most certainly can’t do it to school” moments with my daughter.

Eh. ¬†I feel like…. my mother. ¬†Haha. ¬†Whatever. ¬†Maybe I’ll just give myself a mohawk or something.

My Bitter Moment of the Day

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Today I am home with the kiddo, her tummy is upset and she didn’t get a whole lot of sleep. I picked her up from school yesterday, before she even got her jacket on she started complaining of her tummy hurting. ¬†I didn’t think too much of it, “my tummy hurts” has become the most recent excuse to avoid trying something new at dinner.

Halfway home, her banter about how her day went cut off and a meek “I have to go to the bathroom” came out of the backseat. ¬†“Honey, we’re about 2 minutes from home, you’ll have to hold it.” ¬†“Okay” she said and the rest of the car ride was quiet.

We pulled into my driveway, and she opened her door right away. ¬†As soon as she had two feet on the ground she bent over and threw up. ¬†My mouth just dropped. ¬†“See mom,¬†that’s¬†why I had to go to the bathroom.” ¬†Pretty talented if you ask me, when I have to puke, I can’t hold it for 4 blocks.

So we got inside, with me hoping she just ate too much at snack time and she made it 2 minutes before she puked again. ¬†She puked on and off all night and didn’t sleep too well when she did manage to sleep. ¬†I got up with my alarm this morning at 4:45, checked on her and let my boss know that I couldn’t come in today.

I’m sitting on the couch, with a half asleep child laying next to me. ¬†PBSkids on the tv and Noodle barely paying attention unless I go to change the channel at which she bolts awake and tells me “Mom! I’m watching that!”

She’s feeling a bit better this morning, the puking has stopped for the most part and she ate some dry cereal. ¬†She’s just out of it and wants to relax. ¬†Which is fine with me, we’ve been relaxing on the couch together and I’ve been getting some of the laundry done. ¬†We’re going to try something light for lunch in a little bit. ¬†Hopefully that goes well.

This last week has been rough on me for a multitude of reasons. ¬†I haven’t been feeling well to top everything off, which just makes for a cranky me in general. ¬†So each day, on my way to work I think about how everything has turned out. ¬†I’m happy I suppose, but the grass is always greener.

– Regardless of my feelings now or anything else, I am glad I divorced A’s dad. ¬†He wasn’t good for me, and I’m not so sure about for A either. ¬†I am glad I took that step and I will never regret the action to have a safer, happier life.-

Life is stable over here finally.  Both Ryan and I have good jobs with steady paychecks, he likes his job which makes getting him up in the morning that much easier.  Noodle has a school in which she (and I) love, she has wonderful teachers and is thriving.

It just bugs me. ¬†Up until a few months before my divorce, I was a stay at home mom. ¬†In my family (this does not pertain to you, it’s not meant to offend you) it was important to me to be able to stay home with my kid(s). ¬†I could have never predicted that my marriage would turn out the way it would and I’m lucky I’ve been employed since then, but shit. ¬†I finally have a job with normal hours (I’ve been there for 2 years next month) so that makes life a little easier, but I’d still rather be at home and taking care of my kid. ¬†I never thought I’d end up in the work force full-time, I always assumed that until A was out of the house, I’d be a part-timer so I could focus on her and our home.

So post-divorce I’m a working mother. ¬†It’s just aggravating and I can feel my knuckles go white on that drive into the office. ¬†It’s hard especially when shit at the office has been annoying me. ¬†So I’m driving in to a job that makes me want to lobotomize myself, because of which my daughter goes to school 2 hours early and stays 1 hour late (6:30ish to 4:30ish) (which I realize isn’t as bad as it was before my schedule change but still). ¬†I drive in to a job that I automatically lose 1/3 of my pay to the extra hours at daycare (the ex was ordered to pay half of school/daycare costs and child support, but that hasn’t happened since I was divorced in ’09). I drive into a job that I normally like, where I make decent pay (despite A’s school fees) but because of it, dinner becomes a chore, daycare spends more time with my kid than I do, and weekends are so jammed up with shit from during the week that there isn’t a whole lot of time for fun.

The topic has come up with Ryan that once he gets his raise in a couple months, that I can stay home. ¬†Trust me on this one, there has been numerous times this past week that that seemed like a great idea. ¬†It’s hard to think it’s not. ¬†However, the grass is always greener. ¬†Even if Ryan makes enough for a comfortable living, we’d still lose the money that my job brings in to supplement and save. ¬† I wouldn’t have money for the extra things for the kids and wouldn’t be able to put money in our “going-on-vacation-finally” fund or “get-the-hell-out-of-my-house-kids!” fund. ¬†Two things that I definitely like putting money in. ¬†Plus with this economy, I don’t think I could walk away from a job I (mostly) like that is pretty damned stable, and rely solely on one income again. ¬†You never know what could happen, and I know I’d regret leaving my job if Ryan ever lost his.

 

The grass is always greener, I’ll just keep repeating that. ¬†In the meantime I’m off to get the kid in the bath and find something for lunch.

6 Things Adults Lied To Me About When I Was A Child

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1. You can be anything you want to be when you grow up!

No actually you can’t. ¬†Not with in reason anyway. ¬†When I was a kid I had a new life long dream every week, my teachers did their best to encourage me and let me know that if I just worked hard enough I could do whatever it was that week. ¬†No one prepares you for the real world figures. ¬†College is expensive, student loans are gay, and that if you have no artistic talent it’ll be hard to support a family on water color paintings (because art supplies are ALSO expensive). ¬†I never made it to be president/supreme ruler and being a lawyer and a doctor didn’t happen either. ¬†Asshats.

2. Just ignore the bullies and they’ll go away.

False. ¬†Bullies do not go away, even if you spend an entire fucking year pretending that they fell down a well and no fluffy collie dog came to save them so they drowned. Bullies are assholes and they are¬†persistent. ¬†Oh and while we’re on the topic? Telling the teacher didn’t fix anything either. ¬†You know what did? One solitary face punch. ¬†Seriously, it worked. ¬†It was worth the suspension, and you know what? ¬†Fuck it. ¬†What did R’s mom say that I agree with? ¬†If they don’t respect you, make them respect you. ¬†Fighting is bad, but so is bullying.

3. Eat your carrots, they help your eyes! 

My grandmother was really big on this. ¬†“Eat your carrots, so you won’t have to wear glasses!” ¬†Lies. ¬†I love carrots, especially slathered in ranch, and guess what grandma, I have had glasses since 5th grade, just like my mom, YOU, and every other fucking relative.

4. You need to learn math, you’ll use Algebra every single day!¬†

No. I do not. ¬†I have not used a single freaking thing from algebra or trig or any other mundane math class. ¬†You know what I use? ¬†Excel. ¬†Excel spreadsheets. ¬†I type in the fucking problem, hit “=” and BAM. ¬†Problem solved. ¬†I have yet to look at anything as a Algebra problem. Oh and for the record? I slept through Statistics, and have yet to have that moment where I’m all “Man, I should have paid attention in college, I could really have used that Statistics class.” No. ¬†I’d like to go back and throat punch my old Algebra teacher.

5. Don’t drink that! Coffee will stunt your growth!

Yeah, okay. ¬†So I’m 5’4”. ¬†I have been drinking coffee constantly for 15 years. ¬†I’m not short because I drink coffee, I’m short because my mother was 5’3″, because my Dad isn’t super talk either. ¬†I’m short(er) because I come from a family that didn’t hit their heads on the damn door frame when they walked through. ¬†I WILL find that 6’6″ guy who drank coffee at 5 years old just to show everyone. Coffee is good, so bite me.

6. A steady bed time is good for kids, GO TO BED! 

Oh mom and dad, oh I get it now. ¬†While yes, a steady bed time is good for kids (for many reasons) this one was oh so selfish of you. ¬†When I went to bed at night, you guys didn’t just sit there wishing I could be up and talking to you (still), you two were basically celebrating the fact that you had 8-10 hours to sleep, eat, drink like a fish, and listen to the silence or anything else that didn’t consist of Fraggle Rock or “Mom, Mom, MOM LOOK AT THIS!” ¬†I get it now, I get it. ¬†I totally do, *my* mini me has been singing along to the Kids Bop version of a Lady Gaga song for about 10 minutes now. ¬†I UNDERSTAND.

Missing in Action : Motivation

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I got off of work this afternoon with some grand scheme of cleaning the house and working on my projects.  I picked up the Noodle from school and made a quick stop at the store and headed home.  Ryan is working a temporary second job tonight, so I have the house to myself (with Nood of course).

I fixed Noodle dinner and cleaned the kitchen, then while Noodle read before bed I put away the laundry I neglected from the weekend. ¬† ¬†I started the coffee and poured a cup. ¬†The first sip had me thinking of sitting and working on my scarf or writing. ¬†I picked up the living room and put the kiddo to bed and my motivation just¬†disappeared. ¬†I refilled my coffee cup and am now relaxing on the couch, watching NCIS and relaxing. ¬†Motivation just vanished, but I suppose that’s okay, there’s not much left to do and everyone deserves a break.

I am hardwired to be neurotic, I don’t mean to be, but it just comes along with the “high-strung” gene I’m sure I have. ¬†I spend a lot of time making lists of the things I have to do. ¬†On my way to work I think about anything I’m behind on, the things I need to do before I leave, and the things that I’d like to do if I have time. ¬†On the way home I make a list of things I have to take care of in the house, home work I need to work on with Noodle, dinner, and anything I can fit in before bed. ¬†I keep my days full and busy, and try to stay on top of everything.

The downfall of that is that I end up stressing myself out. ¬†I try and be “supermom” and the house-keeping-nazi. ¬†Things that should be enjoyable, turn into just another chore on a list and by the end of the day I am a big ball of nerves and stressed to the max. ¬†The time I should be taking to myself, I end up trying to cram another errand in, or you know, “I can clean the bathroom real quick”.

So sometimes, once in awhile, I catch myself doing that. ¬†Then, on nights like tonight? ¬†I take a break. ¬†Sometimes I have to remind myself that it’s not horrible to take a night to myself. ¬†So that’s exactly what I’m doing. ¬†If you don’t take a break, you end up driving yourself nuts, and not enjoying the little things. ¬†It’s not worth it.

 

Trust me.

Choices

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Everyone is always so surprised at what is inside my head. ¬†Not¬†necessarily¬†my thought process or the majority of opinions, a good chunk of my¬†coworkers¬†and friends have gotten used to my outbursts and off the wall comments. ¬†I guess for a stereotype, liberal, single mother of one, once divorced and with a Chronic Illness, I’m dead on. ¬†Yet one thought, one opinion or rather personal choice (or in this case, want) always throws the ideas that people base me off of right out the fucking window.

You tell me what you see? ¬†I’m 26 years old with a 5 year old. ¬†I’ve already been divorced, and literally the only thing that keeps me out of work besides the kiddo being sick is a straight up hospitalization. ¬†I’ve worked for every scrap I have and bought my own house by the time I was 23 and have done my best to earn enough money to give my child a nice life. ¬†I love work and strive for more mental stimulation. ¬†I started college just because my brain felt… dumb. ¬†I’ve worked in almost every field and eventually I’d like to open my own business or get a higher up management position…..

[Now here’s what throws people off, this has gotten me raised eyebrows since my daughter was born, and was reiterated when I was talking with my co-worker last month.]

… if I have to continue working.

When I was pregnant with Noodle, I sat down with my ex-husband over dinner one night. ¬†He wasn’t paying attention so I threw a packet of crackers at him.

“A mother is supposed to be at home for her children. ¬†I want to stay at home with her.”

Much to my surprise he was more than okay with that.  So I was a Stay at Home Mom until I bought my house and got a job (my marriage was deteriorating and the end was ever so apparently near).  While my brain was dying (hence, starting college), I enjoyed staying at home, teaching my daughter and taking care of my (then) apartment.  I liked having dinner ready for my husband when he got home and having family dinners together avoiding the globs of pureed peas my daughter loved to fling.

It was the way it was supposed to be.

When I started working again, at first it wasn’t too bad. ¬†Noodle spent time at three different friend’s houses, all three of which I trust with my own life. ¬†They all were more like extended family, so it didn’t bother me much, beyond my selfish reasoning. ¬†It hurt to hear about what she had learned to do each day, it bothered me that I wasn’t the one taking her to the park or to a birthday party. ¬†Granted my friends were wonderful enough to take photos so I could still see her antics, but it bothered me.

Then. ¬†Then, I got a full time job during normal hours (I always worked 2nd/3rd shift). ¬†Then I got a second job (the spring before last). ¬†So I entered Noodle in daycare. ¬†This daycare is the same one she’s at now, she went to¬†preschool¬†there and now Kindergarten. ¬†She’s thriving and each day it’s more apparent that I have a very intelligent, vibrant little girl. ¬†However, now that I’m back to working full time during the day, I don’t get to spend that much time with her. ¬†A mere 45 minutes in the morning, and 2.5 hours at night (I’m a strict bedtime mom, we get up too early to do otherwise). ¬†Monday through Friday. ¬†I spend more time with my co-workers than my kiddo, and she spends more time with her teachers (whom I love) than me. ¬†Such is the life of a working mother.

Do I believe that working¬†mothers¬†are horrible? ¬†Oh far from it, especially single mothers. ¬†It takes a strong woman to be able to balance work and home life and survive both equally. ¬†I don’t look down on career women or moms that choose to work for whatever reason. ¬†My point is, I just wish I didn’t have too.

I was raised with a stay at home mom, when we became school age, she got a job during the time we were at school. (OH MY GOD, my mother worked AT MY SCHOOL. ¬†Talk about getting double the punishment, her desk was right outside the principals office… had to walk right past her if I got in trouble.) Then she’d come home afterwards and spend time with us. ¬†So naturally that’s what I grew up basing life on. ¬†So when I started my own family, that’s how I wanted to run my family. ¬†Things just didn’t work out that way.

Ryan and I have talked about it, especially after he saw the “change” in me when I took the 5 day vacation and stayed at home. ¬†If I had my way, I’d stay at home and work part time (because frankly, my brain is not wired to stay at home permanently). ¬†I’d work my old hours and be home when my kid was, so not only could I take care of her but so I could take care of my house and cook (better). ¬†That’s what I enjoy doing, frankly I could give a crap less about a career that I’ll spend time at for the rest of my life. ¬†We’ve decided if Ryan can get a job making a¬†substantial¬†amount more than me, and we are sure that it’s secure that I would drop down to part time, or find a part time job. (The chances of that happening in THIS economy is slim to none, so I’m doing what I do best and trying to¬†excel¬†and hopefully someday move up in my current job.)

That’s what throws people off. ¬†Especially people that don’t know that I was already “At Home”. ¬†I think my whole “stance on feminist ideals” doesn’t help either. ¬†What people fail to realize though, feminism isn’t about forcing women into a career or whatever. ¬†It’s about giving women a CHOICE. ¬†A choice to stay at home, a choice to have a career (and be paid fair for her work). ¬†My choice (or want, like I stated earlier) is to stay at home and take care of my house and family. ¬†That’s what’s right for my family, and if I can, I will. ¬†(But again, Economy, so hello career haha). ¬†I guess I’ll just deal with the raised eyebrows, I like catching people off¬†guard¬†anyway. ¬†It makes life that much more fun.