Snow Snow Rambling Snow Snow

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The first big snow of the season is supposed to come this weekend. Sure, we’ve had a dusting or two, maybe a couple of inches, but they are saying it could be 6-10 inches over the course of 48 hours.

As much as I hate Winter, I do look forward to the first snow storm. Something about it brings out something very childlike in me. I have so many memories attached with the first snow and getting excited for Christmas, that I can’t help but be a little bit thrilled when the first snow storm hits. Not to mention, we’ve had a handful of years where it didn’t snow until after January, so huzzah to snow for Santa.

I do have some things to do before the snow gets here. I decided against putting up Christmas lights on the outside of the house, (got the inside covered!) but I do need to move some things into the shed and pull out the snow shovels. Just generally clean up the yard so I don’t have to do quite as much in the spring. The snow is supposed to start tomorrow evening, so I know what my day plans are for tomorrow.

Thankfully I don’t have any plans for this weekend. I did most of my present – shopping online this year, so beyond one more day with a trip to a couple stores, I’m done. So while the snow is piling down, I’ll be at home with my tea, occasionally shoveling but mostly binge watching Netflix and random cleaning. Unfortunately the boyfriend, Jon has to work, so I’ll be worried about him driving, but I’m sure he’ll be fine. Hopefully the snow slows down by Monday so my own commute to work won’t be too bad.

Other than my excitement for the white shit that falls from the sky, things are.. okay. The short kid is excited for Christmas, I got her one big present and some smaller things, and of course Santa is coming to my house and Grandma and Grandpas.

I’m trying to share in her excitement but of course, for I assume all single parents, the holidays are a stressful time. Jon has helped out with some gifts, and has been helping me tackle some things around the house I haven’t had time for so that’s definitely been helping. Just trying to stay on top of all the household chores and the finances is kicking me when I’m already down.

Of course my FMLA for work had expired, and getting it renewed isn’t exactly easy. I’m trying to be patient and understanding, but it hasn’t been easy on the corporate side of things. Thankfully I have a couple of friends who either work in employment law or are very familiar with FMLA that are guiding me through it. Of course, all of that just adds stress on top of what I already am dealing with, plus being sick. That’s how it always works. When it rains, it pours. (Or in this case, SNOWS!)

Other than that, one thing I don’t have to worry about is my car. My lovely Rav4 hit 250,000 miles the other day. We rebuilt the transmission 2 summers ago, so that’s been good. However, my wheel bearing went out. I went to get that replaced, and also replaced the ball joint as well as finally getting new tires for it. It was time, I couldn’t put it off any longer as they were pretty bad and I was sliding on just wet pavement. Of course that set me back quite a bit, but it needed to be done, and thankfully it is done just before the big snow.

I am still reminding myself to think of the good things, because like anyone else under a lot of stress, it’s easy to take life for granted. I’m very lucky, even though I’m having a tough time with my health, I’ve also been much sicker. I may be stressing about finances, but I have my house, car and decent job. I may get overwhelmed, but I’ve got a smart cookie for a kid, and a very loving boyfriend (who brought me a chai at work today because I was having a rough day!). There’s an upside to everything, and I am very blessed to have the life I do and the people in my life.

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Wheezing costs money

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Being a single parent sucks sometimes, hell, being a single parent with a chronic illness really sucks, but that’s neither here nor there.

My little Buddha has been wheezing up a storm lately. We know she’s allergic to cats (not much to the little black fur-ball of hell that we own, but other people’s cats) and when she gets a cold, she immediately feels it in her chest. She’s past the freaking out part, but has a hard time running around and sleeping despite all of the old asthma tricks I know.

So anyway, on Friday she was wheezing, I chalked it up to asshole cat sleeping on her face or something, but it didn’t go away, so I kept her home. Thankfully we have some prescriptions from her doctor, that should kick it in the butt pretty quickly, so there’s that positive note. Unfortunately, even though I met my prescription deductible, the short one did not, so that was the rest of my money and then some.

This is where I’ve struggled the most raising her on my own. Between childcare (which is 1/3 to 1/2 of my paycheck), to every day things like colds, it kicks me right in the bank account. It doesn’t help that I miss days due to my own illness, but I always somehow figure out a way to make it work.

Honestly though, it’s times like this.. where I’m shit broke before Christmas, that I get angry at the sperm donor. Both Noodle and I have LONG gotten over him disappearing to make more babies in Colorado, and I prefer he stay the fuck away at this point, but Christ. He toted to everyone that he was such a good dad, yet since he’s left.. nothing. Not a single dime of child support, no health insurance for Noodle, and he’s supposed to pay half of daycare. I know he’s occasionally paying his other “baby mama” here, but nothing. Yet the fucker goes off and pro-creates again in another state. Man, I sure do know how to pick em. Ugh.

Whatever though, as most of you know, my kid is wise beyond her years. Back when she was 7 she picked up that her dad was a scum bag when one of the kids at school explained what a dead beat was. She understands, she accepts it, and she’s understanding of the fact that I do my best to cover both parental roles. The benefit of all that, is she is a very grateful child, and she understands money more than most kids her age.

It still sucks to have to count pennies and pick bills to pay around the Christmas Season. When all is said and done though, I’m proud as hell of the fact that I’ve been making it work this far. Noodle will grow up knowing that I took care of her on my own.

Growing Up and Getting Older

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My little minion is turning 9 years old tomorrow. She’s been counting down to her birthday for weeks now, and now it’s almost here. I just can’t believe it, this year just flew by! I mean the school year was a blur, and it seems like it was just last summer. She can’t possibly be another year older can she??

She’s been through a lot in her little life, and has come out of it all a wise little girl. She is beyond her years in common sense, and understands things that most people don’t even touch on until their early adult years. That wasn’t in the plan, but I’m amazed at how she handles every day life and problems. I can’t wait to see the woman she grows into, but I’m aware that it’ll all fly by in the blink of an eye. This past school year she excelled at everything, consistently scoring higher than the average as well as her school mates. I am so incredibly proud of her, it’s borderline ridiculous. All I know is I’m about to have one hell of a smart 9 year old, instead of a smart 8 year old.

It’s cliche but time really does fly. I remember people telling me to enjoy every moment because the baby/toddler years will be over in an instant. It’s definitely true. It seems like just yesterday I moved into my house, and Noodle’s best skill was hauling diaper around the backyard. She went from this little thing, carrying around her scrunchies (her word for puff-a-lumps) everywhere to this leggy, spunky kid listening to punk rock and metal and demanding her own band t-shirts.  Where in the world does the time go?

She’s turning out to be such a great kid, kind, caring, smart, beautiful, with one hell of a sense of humor. When I look at her, even when she’s mouthing off (which she obviously got from me), I’m just in awe of the great little girl I’ve raised. I couldn’t be happier.

 

So for her birthday, we’re having family come over for dinner, cake and presents. The plan is a bike, roller skates, and some smaller stuff. We’ll see what I come up with. She’s been needing a new bike, the hello kitty one I got her 2 years ago is just awkward for her to ride.. so that’s the biggest present. She’s so excited, I just want to make it the best I can. Now to find the perfect ice cream cake! She’s also requested my German Pancakes for breakfast, so she’s got a game plan. I hope it goes well. Happy Birthday Noodle!

Come on Spring!

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Every little taste of warm weather gets me even more excited for Spring. I have so many things I’m looking forward to that it’s beyond ridiculous at this point. After everything that’s gone on in this past few months, it feels like I have a fresh start.. at pretty much everything. So I guess that’s what Spring is to me this year, a figurative new leaf, a fresh start, everything.

So this year I’m going to be doing the garden all on my own, and quite frankly I’m thrilled. In the next week or two I’m going to go buy myself an asparagus plant, hopefully I two year one if I can find it. I’ve been meaning to plant asparagus for years, but I’m too impatient to wait for it, or I talk myself out of it at the last second. When I put that plant in the ground, I’ll probably go ahead and put in my first round of radishes and lettuce. I’m not sure what else will go in the garden this year, definitely green beans and tomatoes, maybe some peppers and carrots, but beyond that I’m still debating. When my ex was still maintaining the garden, we kept planting things we really didn’t eat a whole lot (eggplant, broccoli) and I really don’t want to waste the space this year. I don’t know, I’ll figure it out soon I hope. Haha.

Moving on. So the ex came and picked up his dog the other day. A small part of me misses that stinky old hound, but the stress in my house has decreased significantly. Dealing with two dogs, one of which was a stubborn nose-driven-beagle was just too much for me with everything else that’s going on. One more dog is much more manageable for me. It has it’s perks too. I let Thumbs stay out of the crate at night now, and she’s much happier and I’m sleeping much better now too. I had always crated her with Zoe because I’d feel bad putting one dog in the crate and leaving the other out. Zoe though couldn’t be out at night or anytime we weren’t in the room since she’d have accidents in the house and rummage through the garbage can every chance she’d get. Beyond that, it’s much more convenient now to go take a walk with Thumbs. With both dogs, they’d both go every which way, and pairing that with my motor mouth child, walks were far from relaxing. Now, my dog just does her business, and Noodle and I talk while walking. We’ve made it a goal to walk at least 4 times a week. So far I’m loving it. The mild exercise paired with the lower stress in the house is really helping me keep my head in a good place.

My birthday is coming up as well. This year is the big 30, which to me feels like 40 but who’s counting. I’m not as effected by the number as I thought I would be. I mean, I’ve already hit most of the milestones my age group is going through right now, years ago. So I guess it’s not a big ole thing. Not sure about a mid-life crisis yet either, I’m pretty sure I’m mentally 80 years old as soon as I get off of work. I’m content with a book, my journal and some coffee or tea. The rowdy night out is a rarity, and has been for a while. That’s fine with me. I always thought I’d be upset about turning 30 though, and honestly, I keep forgetting about it. We’ll see. I know Noodle is more excited than I am, but beyond that I’m not sure if I’m even doing anything for my birthday. Who knows!

Work is going well, same shit, different day, and I’m still there so that’s a bonus. I’m working on writing more, but haven’t been able to really drill anything solid out. I’m still on the hunt for a group of some sort to join, but I’m not really finding anything I like yet. I did find one group the next town over that’s something along the lines of books and brews at a local pub that sounds fun, but I haven’t had a chance to check them out.

My health stuff is basically stable, my Crohns pops up here and there, and my heart hasn’t given me the finger lately. Feeling quite a bit better with my anxiety and such as well, but all of that is a work in progress I guess. Just glad to finally be feeling more normal and.. gasp.. dare I say.. happy? I guess not being told how much of a horrible person I am damn near every day helps. Whodathunk?

The kiddo is doing great! She just brought home another report card earlier this week. She’s still getting straight A’s! I’m really proud of her, and that’s honestly an understatement. She’s doing so well in school, and has really stepped it up with helping out around the house. She’s about excited for spring as I am. I think I’m going to get her a new set of roller skates as a gift for her report card, and to give her something to do outside. The kid not only beats me out in smarts, but she’s still hella more agile than I ever was. I swear, she keeps me on my toes.

That’s about it I guess. Planning a big vacation with the family later this spring, but beyond that, it’s been pretty laid back and relaxing. It’s been interesting finding peace again, and honestly, I can’t help but to say that I’m content with the turn my life has taken this past year. I’ve learned a lot, faced a lot (especially the heart issues) and came out better for it. I guess.. cheers to spring! Let’s see where life takes me now!

Monkey See, Monkey Get Felony

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Kids.  You know, the little tiny innocent squirmy things that you bring into this world?  Accident or planned, they still depend on you, not only to take care of them but to show them how to act, how to be a decent human being once they’re out in the real world.  Kids.  Those same little boogers that pooped on your carpet during potty training, those little ones watch you and learn from you as they get older.  A child’s parent is the first person they learn from, and it takes years to unlearn what you have learned through though your parents.

No one is perfect, we all make mistakes in parenting.  I know I’ve made plenty, but I try to do the best I can.  My daughter is the biggest reason why I straightened up my life after my divorce.  I was heading down a dark path straight into the bottom of the bottle, and it was realizing this and knowing  my daughter would grow up thinking my actions were okay, were normal that made me turn myself around.  Now, thankfully, all I have to worry about is the short one taking my very tasteless jokes to school… or quoting horrible comedy.  Quite possibly making a off-colored comment about boys in skinny jeans.  I’m trying, but somethings I can’t help haha.

So then you have those parents who have doomed their children.  You know exactly who I’m talking about.  For instance… I watched COPS last night after buddha butt was in bed, as I occasionally do for kicks.  This was something along the line of “Stupidest Criminals Pt 5”.  It included two couples who were literally coming to blows over who owned a car.  It was quite humorous, 3 rather large females screaming at each other and this one scrawny white boy trying to not get killed in the white trash crossfire.  I was laughing my ass off when one of the females opened her bag and accidentally showed the officer her “bag o’ green” and was promptly arrested.  I stopped laughing when one of the other females pulled a toddler out of the car.  So she’s running around, trying to swing at the other women and scrawny man with a kid on her hip.  I turned off the tv.  Why the fuck do people do that?  Why do they put their kids in the middle of that shit?

Your kids grow up thinking what they see at home, or with their parents is acceptable behaviour!  That is reason NUMBER ONE why I divorced my ex-husband.  I didn’t want her growing up thinking that two people that hated each other, violence and emotional abuse was a normal marriage.  What your kids see, is what they are going emulate when they grow older!

Another instance.  Buying, selling, and doing pills in front of your toddler.  Getting drunk, fighting with your husband, until one of you ends up in jail, in front of your toddler.  Yelling “I hate you! Stupid mother fucker!!” in front of your toddler.  When your 3 year old, turns around and says “I hate you mother fucker!” to his daddy, don’t you dare act all surprised.  When your 3 year old doesn’t blink at one of you being put into a cop car, that says something.  When your 3 year old, thinks jacking another kid in the face is okay because “mommy does it”, you have a problem.

What you do, is what your kids will turn to.  Why do that to your children?  Yeah yeah yeah, insert miscellaneous reason here: Poverty, Abuse, Drugs, Etc Etc Etc.  You know, there’s only so many excuses you can make.  Get a job, get a divorce, get in rehab or fuck up your kid.  I took one look at my child, and made a path out of my marriage.  I took one look at my child and turned my life around.  Better late than never… but christ people.  Raise your children, give them stability, and be a good parent!  The rest of us have to deal with your kids when they grow up, so please raise them right!

A Balancing Act

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So after the past few weeks, I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting on the past few years.  It’s been a pretty hectic ride, went from miserable wife, to single mom, to single mom working multiple jobs to a long-term relationship working one full time job.  The one thing I have to admit is that I’m horrible at finding that balance between mom, girlfriend and employee.

I’ve always had a hard time trying to spread myself out equally among each aspect of my life.  Honestly though, now that I found an industry I’d like to build a career in, I’m having the most difficult time yet.  When I was freshly-divorced, I was working 2 and sometimes 3 jobs with an odd (and often revolving) mixture of full-time and part-time.  I had to learn how to go from a Stay at Home Mom to a single mom busting ass with no child support.  For some odd reason, I didn’t have a problem at all back then.  It might have been because those jobs were all quick blow through jobs.  You know, shitty jobs that I didn’t care about.  That I didn’t dwell on once I left after my shift.  I could go and drop my kiddo off at childcare, go to job A, finish and go to job B and finish my shift.  Then Work-Me was switched off, and I was back to Mom-Me.  I didn’t let work related stress react with the way I was parenting (I tried my best with financial stress, but sometimes that leaked through. Now that I’m older and have “mom friends” I realize that this is normal).

Now, I’m having a hard time balancing.  I can’t seem to lock out the stress from the office from my home-life.  I can’t seem to balance all the different aspects of me.  Work-me stays stressed out far past when I should be in Mom-me-mode.  And girlfriend me?  Well… girlfriend me shows up eventually. Girlfriend-me comes in last here, with working full-time, I try and overcompensate and smoosh as many activities into the time I do have with my daughter to make up for the time I miss with her at work.  It seems like I can’t win sometimes. 

Thankfully, my boyfriend knows what has been bugging me at the office and he also knows how much it bothers me that I’m not able to be at home with my daughter.  He’s heard my rampages regarding how I wanted my family to work and how I feel like shit that I have to work.  (And yes, even when I’m pissed like this… the divorce was totally worth it!!)  So he understands, most definitely, and knows I’m making an attempt to spend time with him too.

I’m getting better at it though.  The stress from work is still following me home, but it’s quickly chased away with iced coffee (or wine) out on the back deck while my kid plays.  Ry and I have taken to spending half an hour together after work and before dinner to just vent about our days or talk in general.  It’s like taking half an hour to shake off the stress.  Usually during this time, the kid is either playing outside or working on her homework (since when do 1st graders have homework 4 out of 5 nights?!) so she gets her stuff done.

I’ve learned no work talk during the weekends.  None.  Absolutely none.  Not even during our morning coffee.  It creates a mini-vacation.  We’ve also been making it a point to go somewhere each weekend, even if it’s just to the forest preserve or to wander around some downtown area each weekend.  If I’m busy, Work-Me takes a hike and I can focus on my family, instead of the 20 voicemails I’ll be walking into on Monday.  These new rules for the weekend are one of the many reasons I try to not work Saturdays.  I’m away from my house on average 50 hours a week.  It doesn’t sound like much to most people, but to a former Stay at Home Mom, that’s a lot.  My weekends are mine.

I honestly think the biggest improvement I’ve made?  I sit down and help my daughter with her homework or read a book (I have a big time reader thank god!) every night.  I put the chores off and sit down and do it.  Working with her, reading her stories, or even going outside to play puts the work-stress right out of my head.  (And I most definitely would put off folding laundry to read a Dr. Seuss book any day of the week!)

I’m not perfect, and I’m most definitely still learning the art of balancing.  I do have to say though… being a stay at home mom was hard.  It was HARD, I know a lot of people don’t think it is.  I know with staying at home I felt like I lost my identity and almost lost myself.  Being a Stay at Home Mom is most definitely a trying and a full time 24/7 job.  However, being a working mother?  It’s a whole different set of hard.  I don’t think it’s more difficult than staying at home, but I do think that it’s a whole different kind of difficult.  Even after, what, almost 4 years or so?  I still don’t have the hang of it.  That’s okay though, I’ll figure it out one day… until then, wish me luck!

Long Distance Part Time “Dad”

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<3

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Sometimes I feel like I’m stuck in a lose-lose situation with my ex-husband.  It’s so incredibly frustrating it literally enrages me, no matter which choice I make, I lose, I look like the bad guy in the end.  It all comes down to protecting my daughter, and either way she ends up getting hurt.

I can’t say “I wish I never met him” because then I wouldn’t have that spunky mini-me in my life.  I’ll never regret her, but christ, couldn’t this shit be a little easier?  Parenting in and of itself is rewarding, even when the little one decided that she likes Asparagus as her favorite food and still will not try a freaking cheeseburger off the grill.  There are tons of little battles in parenting, and it’s become easier as she has gotten older to realize that “this too shall pass” and we’ll be back to normal.

I can however wish that he would get some sense in his head and stop.  Or drive his truck off a bridge, whatever is easiest.  His bullheaded, “parent-when-I-want” is hurting my daughter, and it doesn’t seem like there is a good option for me to prevent it.  That is by far the worst part, is that I don’t have too much control over it.

So it’s been 2 months since we got a phone call from the bio-dad.  The calls before that usually had a couple of weeks between them.  Noodle has pretty much stop caring, to be completely honest.  She rarely gets upset now, and usually it’s only when he calls.  Usually after he calls she asks a couple of questions, now that shes a little bit older (and has some friends who have scum-bags in the place of Dads) she’s understanding a bit more so I can stop lying to her.

“Why did he move?” – Because he wanted to, he thought he had work and wanted to move in with his girlfriend.

“Why did he lie?” – Because he thought it was the best thing to do at the time.  Not everyone tells the truth honey, especially if the truth makes them look bad. (Regarding coming back and calling all the time.)

“Is he coming back to visit?” – I don’t know honey, I don’t think so, Daddy has to get his life straightened out. (This was regarding both him “only going to Colorado for a couple of weeks”, and then again coming to visit.)

“I don’t want to talk on the phone” – Are you sure? If you don’t want to, you don’t have to.

Then around mothers day, Noodle and I were looking at cards to get for my step-ma.  She was telling me about the cards and presents she made for me at school (because the child doesn’t know the meaning of surprise apparently, haha).  Then she pops out with this?

“When’s Father’s Day?  I want to buy Ryan a present.  Can we pick out a card?”

I was sitting on my heels reading cards and I about fell over.

-Sure baby, if you want to we can get him a card, and one for grandpa.

“Okay, I wanna pick out a good present! [Insert rambling of stupid shit she wants to buy Ryan lol]”

-Anyone else you want to buy a Father’s Day card for?

“Nope! Just Ryan!”

It was cute.  I almost cried, and I didn’t push it.  That was just the beginning of that.  Since then we’ve had a couple of conversations about Dads.

When Ryan and I first started dating, it was right after Tim moved.  Noodle had called Ryan Dad right away, and we sat down with her and talked about it.  Ry had told her that while he wasn’t her Dad, that he could definitely do Dad stuff with her, and that he’ll be there for her anyway.  She accepted that and they’ve been buddies ever since.

The “Dad Talks” have happened a few times lately, and usually they’re out of nowhere.  The one that stuck in my mind (and completely blew me away coming from a child) was “What’s a Dad?” Conversation.

It started by talking about the stuff her and Ryan had done over the course of the weekend.  They have several activities that I have dubbed “Ryan Noodle Time”, mostly stuff that he enjoys doing with her, whereas I prefer to do by myself.  So they had cooked, gardened, and played all day, and she had apparently decided that that was “Daddy stuff” and asked me why Ry did Daddy stuff with her when he wasn’t her real Dad.

I started really slow.  I explained to her that Ryan loves her just like Mommy does, that Ryan likes doing stuff with her, just like how Dads do.  I asked her if she knew how long Ryan had been in our lives, I got “2 summers” as the answer.  I explained that two years is more than enough time to love someone.  I asked her if she liked him, if she said good night and I love you every night before bedtime, and I asked her if she liked when he fixes her owwies.  She nodded, and I asked her if she was happy doing so called “Daddy Stuff” with Ryan and she laughed and “Duuuuuuuh”.

So I asked her what she thought a Dad was, what she thought mattered most.  I got a bunch of answers ranging from spending time together to buying ice cream (too funnny) and I told her that it doesn’t matter sometimes who you’re related to.  I told her that it matters who is there for you and who loves you.  I talked about her Grandma, and how even though Grandma isn’t my real mom, I still love her all the same.  I talked about my (step) Grandpa, and told her how I still did Grandpa stuff with him even though we weren’t blood-related, how he raised my mom and did Daddy Stuff with her even though he wasn’t her real Dad.  I reminded her of her aunts and uncles, who are reality not blood-related, and how they all love her and spend time with her even though they aren’t my real sisters and brothers.

“So even though Ryan’s not my real daddy, he can be like my Daddy?”  -Yes babe, sometimes you get to make your own family out of the people you love, and that’s what matters.

She went to bed smiling that night.

So we haven’t heard from her Bio-Dad in about 2 months.  He just fell off the face of the planet, which is cool with me.  Noodle hasn’t asked about him and has been fine, and I was glad to not have to deal with it as mean as that is.  Her birthday came around and she got a gift from my ex-mother-in-law (wonderful lady) and the day before we got a package from him too.  My temper flared sooo bad I considered “Return-To-Sender” and I about threw it away after reading the card.

He had wrote in it some sob story about not having a phone for 2 months, and *that’s* why he didn’t call.  His phone has been off.  He promised to tell me as soon as he had one again.

Deep Breath. 

That is the biggest bullshit excuse I have ever heard.  I’m sorry, if I didn’t have the phone, I think it would take all of 3 days to find one.  Ask a neighbor, give them a few bucks for the bill, use any of the free apps for phone calls via internet.  Payphones.  Work phones.  SOMETHING.  Send an email, letter, tell your mother to call or write.  Having your phone shut off of 2 months is NOT an excuse for not talking to your kids.

Deep Breath

When he decided to resurface after a year and a half of no contact, I told him it was his last chance.  He had destroyed my daughter’s heart and its taken her a long time to get back to normal.  He wasn’t the one who had to listen to her cry at night because she missed him for the first couple of months.  I told him it was his last chance, that I’d give him one more chance to do things right and that was it.  The only reason I was giving him that chance is so that when Nood grows up and looks back, she’ll know that I didn’t keep him away, even though he did horrible things during our marriage and then abandoned her when she was little, I still gave him the opportunity to fix it.

I gave him a break with child support.  When he dropped off the face of the planet, I didn’t file.  I figured, good, if he wants to stay gone, I don’t need his money.  I’m completely content with Noodle growing up and finding out that her dad couldn’t even contribute financially.  When he popped back up, I asked him if since he was going to be around if he was going to pay his support, he said he needed time, I gave it to him.  Since our divorce, I have paid for *every-single-fucking-thing*, weekly tuition for daycare and school, clothes, food, toys, doctors, and now school supplies and registration.  So 6 months after him popping back up… still nothing.

I gave him a break when he started calling every 3-4 weeks.  I told him he needed to call more, and left it at that.  When he stopped calling, I didn’t harass him, I let him be.  I let him make his own choices, and focused on making my family stronger.  I figured if he wanted to be gone, fine, as long as he stayed gone and stopped hurting my daughter, that was fine.  It’s way better than having a long-distance dad who calls when he feels like it.  I figured, I didn’t need child support anyway, if he’s not there, no big deal.

Deep Breath

I’m tired of playing games.  We have a stable loving family, with everything Noodle could want and or need (besides *another* ice cream from the ice cream truck).  I’m tired of Tim deciding that he wants to be a Dad every couple of months and calling and turning Noodle’s happiness upside down.  She’s a well-adjusted, happy child until her Dad calls… and I’m tired of it.  If you’re not going to call for 2 months, 6 months or a year and a half, just stay gone and stop hurting her.  She has a Dad as far as we’re concerned, one who has raised her since her bio-dad ran away.  We don’t need a part-time-long-distance “dad” too.

So I’m not giving an inch anymore.  I am following my court documents, and sticking to my guns.  If he wants to run away then fine, go away and stop coming back.  If he wants to play this pop-up game, then fine, he’s going to follow the rules.  The next time I hear from him, I’m turning all of his info into child support enforcement (thank god I saved his ssn, DL#, addy and birthdate.  Hell, I even have a recent picture of him.)  I’m tired.  If we have to deal with him disrupting Noodle’s happiness, he’s going to pay his fair share and he’s going to follow the rules.

 

As sad as it is, I just want him to stop screwing with Noodle’s head and stay gone this time.