Time keeps flying..

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Holy crap, it’s already August! Where did the summer go? Hell, where did the first 8 months of 2016 go? It’s almost time for school to start back up for my little one, and she’s not so little. She’ll be going into 4th grade this year, and it still feels like changing diapers and tying little tiny tennis shoes was just yesterday.

She’s super excited, I can’t blame her. She’s now at the age where picking out school supplies is super fun, as well as new school clothes. She’s looking forward to seeing all of her school friends again and is super excited to see who her new teacher is this year. Here I am, panicking because I have a 9 year old instead of a toddler. I have a 4th grader instead of a pre-schooler. Where did the years go?

Hell, time has flown for me too. In 9 years, I’ve been through 2 major relationships, I’ve bought a house, gotten sicker, and gotten better and all of the nitty gritty in between. It’s been one hell of a ride these past 9 years, hell, most of my life, but what I’ve made of my life makes me proud. It definitely has taken some hard work, and there’s a lot more work to do, but I’m where I feel I need to be at this point.

What’s next? I don’t know. I’m planning on some minor remodeling in my home, it’ll take time, but it’s all things I want to be done. Other than that, just planning on enjoying life a little bit more now. I have the peace I’ve been wanting, it’s about time I take advantage of it.

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Twas a 4 Day Weekend..

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So today was the first day back at work after 4 days off. The prior week we also had a long weekend, and only worked 2 days. Lets just say it was a lot more needed than I originally thought. The stress from work and every day stuff had really been building up, and I hadn’t noticed how bad. So it was bliss. I could tell the difference while I was driving into work this morning, (Stevie goes in before me.. haha) I wasn’t making a list of the things I’d need to take care of, and my shoulders weren’t up to my ears. It was very fun, and very laid back and I enjoyed every minute of it.

Thursday, my family came over for the short one’s birthday, in addition to two of her friends. It was so relaxing just to chit chat, have some beers and grill (the new grill rocks!) while the kids tore around the yard. Noodle LOVES her new bike, and is having conniption fits over all her other toys and clothes. She had the biggest smile on her face the whole day! Birthday Number 9 was a success!

Friday was for relaxing. Just took care of some things around the house, and then Steve and I sat outside and had some beers with the neighbors. I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again, I adore that family. They are like my second family, and if they end up moving this year, I don’t know what I’m going to do without them.

Saturday we had Steve’s uncle and aunt over for more grilling. Noodle went and played next door and got spoiled. I don’t think I’ve laughed that hard in a long time. Seriously, it was one of those laughing fits where you know there’s a distinct possibility that you might pee yourself. I absolutely adore his family so far, which is a bonus!

Sunday, we worked on the yard and garden. I had already planted, but I wanted to weed again, thin the radishes and put my tomato cages up. We cleaned and organized the shed, put my AC units in, and finished up the house. The end of the weekend was spent sitting on the deck for dinner and enjoying the beautiful weather. My little Noodle was at a sleepover, so it was a kid free evening too!

Seriously, it was a wonderful weekend. Between my daughter making me smile, and Steve making me smile, I don’t think I got grumpy at all (well except before my morning coffee, that’s a given). I can’t wait until our mini vacation next month, it’s going to be great.

I do have to say that I’m really happy with the way things are going with everything. The house, work, Noodle, my relationship with Stevie. Everything’s pretty smooth. It’s been a while since I’ve been consistently happy. I’m glad life took this turn, it’s about time. :)

 

Summer Time and the Living’s Easy

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I am so incredibly thrilled that it’s warming up outside! It seemed like Winter was lasting forever and Spring would never come. Just to give an example of how wonky the weather has been, we had a freeze warning on Mother’s Day, which is usually the day we can start planting.

Either way, now it’s almost June and it’s finally not so damn cold. The garden is growing, the yard looks good. I still need to add some flowers, but it’s getting there. We’ve been using the new grill too, and with the deck umbrella out, all I need is an extra large glass of iced coffee.

School is out already too, the short one’s district let out early so they could start on construction in the school, so she’s thrilled and bouncing off of the walls. Summer camp starts soon, and she’s been outside with the neighbor boy almost every day lately. I could definitely tell that she was getting tired of being cooped up in the house with all of the rain and gloom outside.

Speaking of school being out, I can’t believe my short one is going into the 4th grade this fall. Time really does fly, and she did so well this past year too. Now if I could just get her to do regular chores, life would be golden. Ha.

So beyond all that, and a Crohns flare, things are actually going really good. Steve’s been helping out a ton, and work is going good. We’re going up to the lake house I think this weekend, and I can’t wait. It’s so nice to go up now since we can bring Thumbs with. When I was still taking care of my ex’s dog, I had to find a dog sitter since she had so many problems.  Potty-ing in the house, howling, chewing, food aggression.. you name it. Thumbs? Well my family can’t get enough of her. She’s so well behaved now, she doesn’t even need a leash up there. Getting out and up north is now stress free.

Oh and for you nosy girls that I call family, yes. I started a new relationship. Started dating Steve, a guy from my shop. It wasn’t intentional, as I wasn’t looking for a new relationship,  but it fell together with the prompting of friends/his family.   I’m a happy girl to say the least, it’s like I found an old soul, with old school manners.. and those of you who know me personally know that’s right up my alley. He makes me smile, and now a days? That’s important.

Honestly, if you had asked me a year ago if I’d be this happy with life, I would have laughed at you. Things aren’t perfect, they never are (mainly my health, but meh, you can’t win them all) but I’m definitely content. I feel like I’m finally finding interest in things again, doing what makes me happy. I spent far too much time living under someone else’s thumb, basically being miserable, it feels so good to finally be me.

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As for this summer, I’m just winging it. Definitely spending more time up north, and with family. It’s been nice reconnecting with friends too, and I do want to take a long weekend out to visit a few friends on my list. The biggest thing on my to-do list is continuing to do things that make me happy. Whether it be reading my books, writing more, or getting myself lost in the forest preserves. A bicycle is in my cards for this summer, now I can finally get one (and seeing as how Noodle’s birthday present this year from Steve and I is a new bike … and roller skates from me.. I’ll need something to keep up with her!) and take the short kid to the trails. Oh and can’t forget the concerts on my list. It’s going to be a great summer!

Random Ramblings Again

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It’s been so busy here, it’s unbelievable.  Here it is, already the middle of June and I am still feeling like it’s the beginning of spring.  Of course before I even register that it’s pretty much summer, school will be starting and summer will be over.

I went back to work about 3 weeks after getting out of the hospital.  Those 3 weeks at home weren’t exactly bliss.  What I was hoping for was 3 comfortable weeks to get back on my feet and spend some time with my kiddo.  What was it really?  It was filled with both my daughter and I getting a cold (which we both still have coughs from) and what I shall term the never ending headache.  (I’ll get to the headache later)

Honestly?  Those weeks I learned how inpatient I really am.  I do not like the whole “time to heal” bullshit, it’s basically admitting that I need help and downtime.  While being at home itself didn’t bother me, I didn’t like that my body couldn’t keep up with what I wanted to do around my house.  It was damn hard to sit there and know that chores needed to be done, but I could only do one thing before I wore myself out.

It was nice on one front though, I was able to take my time getting the short one ready for school in the mornings.  Eating breakfast was leisurely and filled with chatter.  I was able to get her home right after school, so afternoons were spent outside or hanging out together indoors.  I’ve only been back at work for just under a month, and I already desperately miss that extra time.

Noodle is perfectly content with going back to full-time daycare now.  Her daycare morphs into a summer camp every year (and is still cheaper than most daycares around here).  They go to the beach and water park on alternating weeks, and take field trips to go mini-golfing and to different parks around the area.  She’s already been to the beach once, to a joint with bowling and one of the many bouncy-house-filled-trampoline-places that have become ever so popular.  Summer camp is always so fun for her, while I feel guilty for missing out on time with her because I’m at work, she’s off having a blast!

Like I said though, I’m back to work.  It hasn’t been as easy as I thought it would.  It’s still taking some time for my brain to catch up on my tasks (which involve dimensions and math at the moment), but I’m getting there.  I never really got off of my sleep schedule, so that wasn’t/isn’t a huge issue.  The toughest part has been dealing with my apparently numerous health issues while trying to act like nothing is wrong at work.

I had an issue for a couple of weeks with one of my incisions, it kept opening up and was infected for a short bit.  Trying to take care of that, while wearing pants (it was right where the waist band sits) and talking to coworkers and customers wasn’t exactly my idea of fun.  That and the headache… or headaches… or whatever (again, I’ll get to that), it’s damn near impossible some days.

I feel bad because I know I’ve been snippy towards my coworkers, and I’ve made it a point to apologize and try to keep them in the loop with everything.  It’s still not their fault, but sometimes the pain and fatigue is a little much, and they’re in the wrong place.  They are basically like an extended part of my family at this point, so hopefully they take my apologies to heart and understand how rough it’s been.

So.. the headaches.  In a previous post I mentioned the first headache I got in the hospital.  The one that couldn’t be eased even with morphine, dilaudid, and ativan.  The one that made me think I was going to die?  Well.. apparently that’s part of my life for now.

Shortly after I got out of the hospital, I coughed (remember I got sick?) and BAM! my head exploded.  I dropped to my knees just holding my head.  4 hours later and I could function a bit like a human being.. but it left me with a low-to-mid grade headache that never went away.  So following the floor doctor’s instructions, I made an appointment with a Neurologist.  So for the better part of a month, if not more, I’ve had a headache every day.  Some days are worse, some days are tolerable.  Some days I am relatively normal?  Some days I just cry.

I went in to see my new doctor on Monday.  Very, very nice lady, who asked me a bajillion and one questions and preformed a neurological exam.  She’s not entirely convinced that the headaches are migraines for a few reasons, the biggest being that when I have a headache, light and sound don’t hurt me.  Just motion.  She’s trying to figure out what kind of headaches they could be.

However, since the first one I ever had was in the hospital after major surgery, she wants to rule out a blood clot or something along those lines.  I had a MRI while I was in the hospital, which was clear for massive clots and tumors, but she wants me to have an MRV and MRA, which are similar but look at the arteries and veins in your brain.  That appointment is on Monday.  In the meantime, I’m on a headache preventative and I have some pain pills as back up.  I know I have to give the medicine time, but seeing as how I had vision changes which bloomed into a huge headache (luckily it popped in my mind that the vision changes I was having might be what’s called an aura… and took a pain pill before the headache hit… so I took the edge off) yesterday, that hasn’t left yet (although it’s a bit better this afternoon), I’m nervous.

To be completely honest, I am just scared that I’m going to end up with another chronic condition.  What if I end up having these headaches long term on top of my Crohn’s Disease?  I know that I’ll buckle down and make it through, just like I always have, but it’s terrifying to me to have to face something else.  I went into surgery with high hopes of an improved quality of life, come out and end up with headaches… and now what seems like Crohns symptoms.

Yeah, I have symptoms that remind me a bit of when I first got sick.  Odd stomach pains, running to the bathroom, etc.  I hoping it’s really just an oddity, a side effect of surgery.. maybe it’ll go away soon?  I’m giving it a little time to see, but then I’ll be calling my GI.  I really, truly hope that this isn’t the disease coming back already.

The whole headache/Crohns debacle just really gets to me.  Like I said, I let my hopes get really high for this surgery.  I’ve been sick (with good days at some points) for 8 years now, I allowed myself to hope that I’d get a break after surgery.  Coming out of the whole ordeal with a whole new health problem is… well.. it’s hard.

Honestly this is where I’m thankful for the people around me.  For Ry, who’s literally been by my side through all of this, from all the hospital visits to surgery, and now with head/neck massages when I want to crack my own skull in two.  I’m thankful for my daughter, who understands that sometimes mommy has to take it slow, and through living with me, has learned a compassion that most kids her age don’t get.  Sometimes her hugs and kisses (and HUGE art projects… excuse me, weather machine.. ahem) are just what I need to keep trucking.  Hell, I’m thankful for my coworkers who visited me at the hospital, and have been making sure I take care of myself at work.  All the way to my neighbors who have helped out all they can.

I did manage to feel pretty good for Noodle’s birthday WEEK though, so that’s a major bonus!  Yes, I said week.  The kid lucked out this year due to everyone’s schedules kind of colliding.  She got one Saturday at Grandma and Grandpas, her birthday at home, and a party with the neighbors the next Saturday.  I think my kid is actually sick of cake at this point.  She got a lot of great gifts too, I’m super glad she had fun, because she deserves it!

Which reminds me!  I got her last report card, and my kid got good marks in everything (except for handwriting… it’s messy).  She tested well in math and is super ahead in reading (that’s my gal!!).  I am definitely proud of my little monkey and how far she came these past two years.  We went from her not wanting to read, claiming she couldn’t, and flat out refusing to read out loud, to reading everything I give her, quickly too.  Definitely a proud mama here.

I think that’s enough for tonight though, I had a bunch of thoughts bouncing around in my head.. as you can see my writing is just all over the place.  However, if you  haven’t noticed, I’m not much one for proofreading, and sometimes I just have to get it out.

I’m off to bed.  Goodnight!

Is it Summer yet?

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I am home from the hospital, and currently relaxing on the couch with my two mutts, little one all tucked in for the night. I missed her quite a bit, even though I was only technically in the hospital for 3 days… she on the other hand, thoroughly enjoyed her vacation from Mommy.  Usually if I have to go into the hospital she either goes with my Dad (where she is spoiled rotten) or she goes to one of her old teacher’s houses (a friend of mine who works at her daycare… who also spoils her rotten I’m convinced). When I got home I warned my friend, we’re chopped liver when she’s around, and to have fun prying her out of your house. Sure enough, she was a bit upset that her fun was over, but I got a super big hug and a kiss when she walked in the door.

Oddly enough, this little hospitalization timed itself perfectly as the munchkin’s got a bit of a head-cold and wouldn’t have been able to go to daycare anyway (spring break up here in the mid-west. So we got to spend the day lounging together and relaxing, with both of us asking each other how we’re feeling and if we the other needed anything.  Honestly, it was quite cute.  I don’t know what I’d do without my little minion, she’s one of a handful of things that keeps me moving, even when I don’t feel well or am down in the dumps.  Between her, the boyfriend, and all the pets, I get cuddles whenever I want and love, more than I can handle.

Sometimes though, it’s hard not to get down in the dumps. Especially in the winter, well, I guess now “Spring”. Lately in the mid-west, Spring has been colder than usual, so if you’re someone like me who gets the so-called “Winter Blues”, this time of year is wretched. Where we’ll get one warm day and then snow.  For instance, we already broke 70 degrees, and then it snowed about a week later. I’m definitely counting down until it starts to warm up. Hopefully my mood will improve on it’s own then.

Definitely looking forward to late Spring and Summer this year. We have a lot planned, from trips to the lake house, to farmer’s markets and such. The last few years were really busy, last summer especially with my working insane amounts of hours, both in the office and out. I feel like I missed out on a year, so I’m making sure that doesn’t happen again. The Short One has already been able to go roller skating outside and to ride her bike (she’s still doing great on it, although she still takes the occasional spill – the boyfriend taught her last summer) so pretty much anytime it’s warm enough to unzip your jacket just a tiiiiny bit, she’s asking to go outside. We can’t wait.

I know I’m probably looking at some health issues this summer, but hopefully we’ll be able to plan them out (surgery?) since Grandpa wants to take her if I do go in so they can do something fun together. To be completely honest though? I’m just looking forward to the kids all playing in the backyard and relaxing on the deck. Come on Summer! Get here already!

Knit Hats and Warm Scarves

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Growing up in the Midwest, I swore that I was going to move somewhere with out winter… every winter of my childhood.  I’m not a fan of cold or of the snow, so playing outside and building snow forts and lopsided snowmen did not intrigue me in the least.  Once Halloween rolled around, I started to count down the days until Spring and Summer.

I’m 28 years old now, will be 29 this spring.  Over say the last 5-6 years, I’ve grown to appreciate the Winter.  I still don’t look forward to driving in snow storms, or power outages and black ice, but snow? Yes.  Wearing my favorite winter jackets, my handmade scarves and hats?  Hell to the yes.  I look forward to warm fires up at the lake house, watching my daughter (who unlike myself, likes to play in the snow) run around like a maniac in the fresh powder.  I look forward to hot tea by the window watching snow fall, and maybe if I’m lucky, I’ll see a few cardinals out in the trees.

Winter’s not so bad.  Even when I start to get tired of it, say in late February or early March, it’s a good reminder that spring is coming.  Winter breaks up the monotony.  I get a couple months to look forward to planting in our garden, summer cook outs and fresh corn on the cob.  I get to alternate from iced coffee on my back deck to hot tea under a fuzzy blanket.  I get to switch from my broken down flip flops to my knee high comfy boots.

So apparently there is some huge winter storm bearing down on us tonight.  Depending on what weather report you read, we’re supposed to get anywhere from 5-10″ of snow, and we’re under a Winter Storm Warning until Sunday night.  Judging by the response from my other Midwestern friends on social media, you’d think this was the end of the world and snow is actually made of shredded dreams and broken hopes.  Shit.  I may be the only one excited.

I’m not sure if I’ll be home for the snow storm or not, I’m currently in the hospital for my Crohns Disease, but I’m crossing my fingers!  I am excited for the first big storm of the year, I want to watch my daughter play in the snow, and curl up in my own bed to watch the snow fall.  Even if I’m wait out the storm here, connected to my IV, I can guarantee I’ll weasel some hot chocolate out of someone here so I can still sit by the window.

We might as well enjoy the snow, as of now [thanks global warming] it’s only here for a few months out of the year.  So let’s watch the snow fall, and relax.  Spring is only a couple months away.

Positively Negative

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What’s the saying?  If you think positive thoughts, positive things will happen or some shit like that?  Let me just start out by saying… that’s crap.  At least when it comes to anything that could possibly involve other human beings.

I am stressed out.  What’s new?  Things at home are actually really good, it’s mostly my work that’s starting to get to me.  With the exception of one night (and tonight) that I ended up having chest pains, I have been working 60 hours a week for a bit now.  When you look at my salary broken up among those hours, it’s… well painful to say the least.  Add that to the time I’ve lost enjoying the summer with my daughter to paperwork and phone calls?  Covering someone else in the office?  Helping out?  Yeah…. no.  The boyfriend and I had to have the come to Jesus talk, discuss what’s right for our family as well as my own well being… and I need to figure out some changes.

It’s just super frustrating.  I start out each work day in a positive (albeit sleepy) mood, but without fail, some person has to fuck up my day.  I swear, I’m not meant to work with the general public.  I’m not sure how I survived all those years in sales without being convicted of homicide.  I highly dislike being in a position where someone else can fuck up my shit.  I know, “but Sarah, you don’t have to let them” … that’s horse crap and you know it.  This is why being self employed always appealed to me, but how do you start your own business when some other company takes up your time? 

That, and well… what business could I start that has nothing to do with other humans?

Right.

At this point I feel like I should apologize for doing nothing but bitching in this post.  Whatever.  I’m burnt out and stressed out, and ready to walk.  Blogging is my outlet, so tough shit.

Just some how got to keep trucking, with out throwing myself away.  Just have to find my balance between work and home and more importantly how to say no (in all aspects of life) and speak up if I feel I should. 

Time for some tea and to listen to these thunderstorms.  Got a long week ahead of me, including seeing my pops and Remicade, which is perfect timing since I’m running to the bathroom more times than I’d like and my joints are on FIRE.

Here’s to Monday being a bitchface, and here’s to the next day.

Cheers.