Writer’s Block & the Current Administration

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I enjoy writing about politics, probably more than I enjoy writing about anything else. Politics grabbed my attention back during my teen years where newspapers were relevant and the internet hadn’t quite taken hold. I’ve read, educated myself on and wrote about several issues over the years, spanning 3 presidents (if you count physical notebook writing, 4) and enjoyed sharing my opinion with others.

Politics used to be something my friends and I would go to a 24 hour diner to discuss. Nothing like shitting on the use of drones to kill civilians over coffee flavored rust water and a pack of smokes. It was easy to sit down with people you disagreed with and discuss what was going on, what their take was on it, and to educate ourselves in the process. Those discussions are what fueled my writing. I could take what I learned, form my opinion and write out what I wanted in either my notebooks or the early version of this blog.

Now while I’ve always had multiple issues with pretty much any administration that was occupying the People’s House, and hell, I don’t think there’s ever been a time where I agreed with congress’ actions.. it’s just.. a lot now. My brain can’t seem to process everything that is going on, ranging from this current administration’s actions to congress’ inaction, to my fellow citizens appalling behavior.

Even with friends, it’s hard to talk about just one or two topics these days. There’s so much wrong with our government and country, it just ends up with everyone drinking more beer than we can afford. I was talking with Jon last night, out on the stoop with a cold beer, just about our current political events. The amount of bullshit we talked about in just half of an hour was so numerous that we couldn’t see a way to fix it. Our current events had us discussing the Impeachment Inquiry to our POTUS tweeting about his “great and unmatched wisdom” or that he tweets upwards of 40 times a day now, usually propaganda and name calling. We talked about the delayed actions of Congress, and the fact that even if Trump is impeached, his behavior has set a dangerous precedent for not just future presidents, but every day citizens.

As fucked up as it sounds, I miss the old days. Where when writing my congressman only included one or two things at a time. Where I could read the news without wanting a cigarette and a beer at 6 am. I miss being outraged about a handful of things a day instead of EVERYTHING. I miss feeling like it wasn’t hopeless short of a revolution.

When Trump took office, I tried to write. There was a lot of shit pissing me off, so I had a To-Write-About journal with a list of shit that I felt was important to write about. Not necessarily because people will read it, but to immortalize my words for myself and our future. As the months have dragged on the list spans several pages, just with topics not my notes and sources. Now when I sit down to write, I’m so overwhelmed it’s impossible to get started.

That’s just with National politics and current events too. I can’t even touch on the world right now.. ranging from Syria to Boris Johnson. I just throw up my hands and close my laptop.

Major kudos to those of you who are able to write about all of this, as some of us are just stumped. This era has to be written down, so maybe future generations can learn something from it. I just don’t know how to help, how to get my brain to focus. At this point I applaud those who are putting our current events and atrocities on (literal or not) paper.

Something has got to change.

 

Winter – Depression & Crohns rear their Collective Heads

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Winter has always been rough for me. My depression and anxiety tend to get worse, usually from late December until spring. Usually my Crohns Disease acts up (my anxiety levels up my symptoms) as well. However, I tend to look at it like this: There’s no better time to be sick and depressed than winter. Why? Because fuck the cold and snow, that’s why.

It’s not big deal though, although I hope my (few) friends understand why I’ve been so distant lately. Sometimes it is just hard to push through the brain fog. So for now, I’ll remain cuddled up on my couch with my books and Reddit.

Life other than all of that is alright.

The kid is doing fantastic, she’s not the biggest fan of school this year, but she’s doing great. She’s got one hell of a personality now, she’s like my little punk rocker. She’s super open minded and accepting of others, and thanks to the current political climate has a firm dislike of racists and nazi-scum. She asked me to give her an undercut the other day, so now she has the underside of her ponytail buzzed and the bottom 4″ of her hair is sea green/blue. She is definitely something else, and despite the daily video calls with her other little gremlin friends, I am indefinitely proud of her.

The boyfriend has been job hopping. Trying to find one that is a good fit for him, might as well take advantage of the interviews and look for a great position and company to work for. Things are going great with us, so nothing new there.

Our Animal House has been good too. Vader (our neighbor’s old cat) has settled into the house fantastically. Smudge is still not too fond of him, but they get along. I do have to say that I love Vader dearly. He is such a sweetheart, I couldn’t ever imagine losing him even though he hasn’t been here nearly as long as Smudge or Thumbs.

Things calmed down with Jon’s ex. That’s something I’m glad is basically over. She had denied him visitation over the summer (I guess she got angry that we questioned her parenting choices and called her bluff on abandoning her daughter at our house). So we took her to court, and her lawyers basically told her to go kick rocks and give us our visitation, do half the driving and let Jon in on all decisions. Unfortunately Jon is still stuck paying for the son that is not biologically his (Ex cheated on him, got pregnant, tried to pin it on Jon) as Pennsylvania will not cancel child support, despite paternity unless another man takes his place. Unfortunately they do not require her to work, so she’s still living off of CS & Welfare. Alas. Just like with my daughters dad NOT paying child support, EVER.. we are completely okay with the kids knowing who does what for them, and seeing us as examples. Neither of us will bad mouth our exes in front of our children, but we also don’t lie.

As for me? I’m still on hiatus from work. I’ve interviewed with a few places over the phone, and turned down several in person interviews. I’m not sure what my plan is for right now, but our situation works for us and I’m enjoying finally being able to spend (forced) time with the kiddo even if she’s at the age where she’s not so keen on it. Ha.

As the months drag on, I still do not regret quitting my last job. I’m reminded almost daily by Timehop showing me the posts about how miserable I was from the last 8 years. I may have my normal depression and anxiety, but I am no longer having daily anxiety attacks about going into that toxic environment. I hear from old coworkers and work contacts every once in a while, and it seems like it hasn’t gotten much better beyond a crackdown. All I can say there folks is I learned a life lesson, one that I’ve drilled into Jon (as he walked from one recently in order to take another higher position) and one that I’m teaching my daughter. Work is work, don’t let them destroy you and your health, because at the end of the day, you are expendable. No job is worth being miserable. Not even one you devoted the better part of your 20’s and early 30’s to it.

So beyond all that rambling, hey. At least I’m writing again. I have been slowly working myself into writing again. Even if it’s just free writing a few sentences a day. I’ve just got to get into the habit. Writing is the easiest way to clear my mind and lift my mood.

On that note. I’m off to eat some chocolate and cuddle with the pupper.